Exactly what I was going to say.
One person I know was [sexually] abused by their auntie and cousin.
And a little 7 year old girl I know was [sexually] abused by her father and his friend on a weekly basis when she was 4.

I firmly believe this is always the case, if you take uneducated and uncaring parents who allow their offspring to view anything and everything on TV, newspapers, and intenet, it's hardley surprising they get all these weird ideas and think of sex in completely unnacceptable ways. Parents & the media are to blame but I still think they should be locked up for a very long time and not let out into the community where they will inevitable just re-offend. So no it's not 'in built' we are a product of our environment.

No I appreciate that Brundog (my closest friend was abused by her Brother) From my point of view though, my family (and my Husbands) is more than trustworthy. I have four Brothers (well had, one died) and they are/were gentlemen. They were brought up properly and no sick little kinks that would lead them to have a desire for children.

Besides, I come from the Eastend. These sickos we are talking about would lose parts of their anatomy they'd rather keep, if they messed with kids, if you get my drift

I think it's like everything else today (I'm sick of the do-good attitude - it's gone too far in my opinion) where everthing a person does that's totally anti-social (disgusting), there's always an excuse made for it. Imo it only makes room for more weirdos to think that it's okay to do stuff they know is wrong but they only need make up some cr@p about being abused themselves and then it's counselling and understanding all the way

I think I feel very strongly on this subject because I've watched my friend struggle to come to terms with what her Brother did to her! It truly has ruined her life and she is so paranoid that someone will "touch" her Daughter (understandably). I know if anyone ever laid a finger on my kids, I'd end up in big trouble, as I wouldn't be able to live with the fact they had damaged my child. But, like I said, I'm very careful with my kids. They moan at me, as I don't let them go to friends houses until I've met and got to know the parents and such. I need to know my kids are safe from these monsters though. One thing's for sure, they don't have horns growing out of their head. They are clever people. I know that from my friend's Brother who (unless you knew what he'd done) you would think was a wonderful man

Sadly in most cases the perpetrator is a member of the family or is a trusted adult introduced into the family who in essence becomes a member of the "extended family" It is a sad buttrue fact that some perpetrators plan these crimes for months or even years and either get themselves into trusted positions eg teachers group leaders etc (and I am not for 1 minute suggesting every teacher or group leader has paedophilic tendancies as I am definitely NOT) they go through often years of study and setting up in order to get access to their victims often to commit only 1 offence (which is 1 to many) before being caught.

The same is true of adults who form relationships and actively have children (or actively seek out single parents with whom to form a relationship) with the intent of abuse their before the child is even born or who befriend families for years and become a trusted adult/friend thenm start on the path of abuse. This is by far the most common type of Invasive paedophile and attacks by strangers are in fact very rare - with the exception of viewing pornographic images which of course can still be, in certain forms, paedophilia, and still has a victim and still has devestating effects on that victim and their family.

Thats great for your kids - but what about the kids who are abused by their own parents or siblings, or someone their parents trusted - teacher / sports coach / vicar? As others have pointed out family life isn't always that rosy and (I am not saying this flipantly or to upset you) I imagine your friend can testify to that.

Anyway - we have established that you are not interested why people do these horrific things, but with respect, that is essentially the point of the thread and I don't want to hijack the thread.

I agree with you LS and sadly I would hope you would get some level of understanding. Sadly I'm not sure you actually would though.

Just to clarify btw - I don't think that trying to understand why someone has molested a child should have any influence over their sentencing. Possibly which particular facility they are locked up in, but not the length of time / severity of the sentence.

The total shock I experienced when I found out what was happening between my second husband and my daughter was devastating. The expression "you could have knocked me down with a feather" could have been written for me at that moment.

Never in a million years would I have expected that the man that saved me from an abusive first marriage would end up being an abuser (albeit differently) himself.

Please, never think it can't happen to you. I'm living proof that it can.......

(((HUGS)))

what I have learnt too - its more often right in front of your eyes and not who you would expect at all !!

Pedophilia knows no geographical boundaries......

The fact that they risk physical harm from others is little deterrent.

Pedophilia is an illness, and they are driven by desires that are far too strong to resist.

Sadly it's our babies that suffer, and I don't know if there is a cure.

In my instance, the "cure" was counselling, which did nothing, because he did it again. Perhaps castration would have been a better option, preferably with me wielding the knife...

Almost every time it's someone they know and very often a family member or close friend of the family.

They have to gain the child's trust so invegle their way into the family to do just that.

It's sickening.....

Vicki, I don't know how you have coped. Seriously. I know I would probably do time if a man (or a woman), whoever he/she was, were to be inappropriate with my kids. There's no excuse for it. Never! To have it done by your Partner though, that's a double whammy. I hope your Daughter doesn't suffer the way my friend has (it was her Brother). It truly ruins lives. I think the problem for my friend was that her Brother denied it and the whole family split in two. The bad feeling has gone on for years and I think the Brother actually feels she's ruined his life by exposing what he did! It's really weird to get your head round I just know that anyone that has been abused needs so much understanding. At least your Daughter has you, like my friend had her Mum, who stuck by her through thick and thin Think of the poor kids whose families don't believe it when their kids say they've been abused. That must be sooooooo much worse for the child