have popped in and read everyones progress!

i am so proud of you all, you have all acheived so much!

Alex
xxx

Well.....after my good weekend (managed on Sunday to walk across to my mums for tea (a good 5 miles) and have a lovely tea with my grandpa (who is 99 in September!!)...it has gone downhill since, woke up on Monday morning with a really gurgly tummy, having woken a few times during the night worrying about work, I felt awful and without being too graphic spent the majority of yesterday in the loo

Hardly slept a wink last night went to bed at 10.30 woke at 12 and was awake until at least 06.10 and then I fell asleep again till alarm at 7.15. Tummy was sooo sore stabbing pains and gurgling and sooo much trapped wind (again sorry if TMI ) I have spent all day today lying in my bed and feeling generally cr*p OH just brought me in ginger to make ginger tea and...a spicy pizza (apparently it will cure me or kill me - I know what my bets are on!)

Feel very tierd and very nauseous and anxious to go with it all

So if anybody has any good insomnia or nausea cures please please share....

Off to read more dogsey and drink ginger tea

Oh poor you Benzmum. Sounds like you have had a tummy bug. That certainly doesn't help when you feel sh*t anyway. Ginger is good for nausea and I have used pepto-bismol in the past for tummy upsets, I find it excellant. As for the insomnia I can't help you there I have tried everything and still spend hours awake, then of course you feel so tired during the day. Hope someone else can come up with a suggestion. Hope you feel better soon.

Arghhhhhh

Got up and its a nice sunny day here so thought as I was feelinng quite good I would go to Asda and getsome shopping just a few bits and pieces.....so off I went stood in queue at atm and it was fine, got inside and started to feel heart race and dizzy and a bit nauseous tried to focus on what I had to get in the main denta rasks, a pizza for tea rolls for brekkie and toiletries.... reallly started to feel uneasy which as I went round developed into bordering on full blown irrational fear

Took what I had to the self pay thingys and started to puyt the stuff through the 1st 3 items kept coming up please wait for assistance by now I was physically shaking my left leg had gone into uncontrollable tremble with my left arm and head following suit I am sure I must have looked like I was having some sort of fit. Got the 6 or so items through put card into pay and it said I had to get authorisation I nearly cried there and then I was thinking of ways I could leave, like run out of, the store then I found £10 in pocket and paid by cah, my hands were shaking so much I could hardlly feed the £10 into the machine.

Left like the shop was on fire and sat in my car and a wave of calm came over me as I set off back home. Just in and I have no pizza no rolls and I didnt get any juice either

But there is no way I am going back!!

So guess thats my plans of a nice Saturday ruined....I feel exhaused and very on edge

Oh dear Benzmum, not a good start to the day then. I know so well what it is like when you are in the queue, I usually start getting shaky and hot then feeling sick, and keep thinking my god what if I throw up here how embarrasing would that be. It's bad enough going through the checkout without any of the problems you had. And isn't it so strange that when you are going home you feel so much better. Never mind next time might be a little better I get good and bad days but try and concentrate on the good and forget the bad. I went to local shop last night, I had put it off until the evening thinking there would not be many people about. I have to pass a pub and there outside the pub was my son and his girlfriend with a load of mates. My son came up to me and kissed me and hugged me and so did his mates. I was on cloud nine walking into that shop. All those hugs from 20+ year old lads did me the world of good. Think I'll go again tonight.

Thats great Heather, good for you. I bet all those hugs really helped....

Im sitting here now and apart from a bit of a sore head I feel fine, like there is nothing in the world wrong!! Isn't it bizzare what your mind does I mean if you are going to be really sick or faint is it better to do it where you will have access to a 1st aider (eg in the shop) or whilst on your own sitting or driving the car

I thought the shop would be really quiet at 9am ish and it was, so no idea what my problem was today. Its just so bl**dy frustrating and I am So angry with myself...I mean how come I managed to go in TOWN last Saturday and since then its been a nightmare..in fact if it wasnt for Ben there are few days this week I wouldnt have set foot over my front door, but today I felt good and WHAM...shot down by this stupid panic.....

Sorry to Rant

I am really pleased you had a good day yesterday and hope your weekend goes well

Try not to beat yourself up over it. It just happens when we don't expect it. Its an illness that you can't explain, I can never find a trigger or a reason for a bad day, they just come. When I do have a good day I can't understand what the difference is then either. You will learn to cope with it and it does get easier, I have given up trying to find reasons and just try my best.

Aww those self service tills can be a nighmare when they start going wrong and you feel the whole store is watching - I hate them sometimes.

You've had a rubbish day so far so I really hope the rest of today and tomorow is a better for you. Please don't be to hard on yourself. Take care x

Thanks very much Heather and Myschievious.

Well...day got strangely funnier...OH came round and decided we were going out for a drive so off we went and drove up Lochearnhead way and then over to Loch Tay (I really like Loch Tay) the scenery was lovely and I was quite calm. We got to Aberfeldy for lunch which he had managed to persuade me we would go into a wee pub where noone would know me...WELL....Aberfeldy had a power cut!!! Trust me eh!! So nowhere could or would serve us!!

So eventually got lunch at 4pm!!

Then as we got near home he suggested we go back to ASDA to get the pizza and rolls and juice.

He gave me the keys so I could go sit in the car at any time BUT with a lot of hand holding I got my Pizza my rolls my juice and a bottle of wine as a reward!! I then got to checkout and queued with 1 other person in front and 2 behind and I paid and left the shop rather more controlled than this morning!! No shaking, no sweating but lots of reassurance from OH :smt001

So am now back home catching up on dogsey and just away to have glass of wine as he has gone off out with pals tonight so its just me., ben the TV and dogsey

Ps sorry to keep posting but it really helps to get stuff out especially to those who know what its like. Thanks for reading and listening x

So pleased the day ended on a more positive note for you. I think the only people that really understand is someone who is going through or been through it. I don't understand my feelings myself so I think how can others know what I am going through. It is great to talk to others who know what you are feeling.