Your Dave sounds like a real gem babe.

And there is no need to thank me, I'm glad to have helped in any way at all. Its one of the hardest things you'll ever go through, I glad to have been able to have been there for you xxx

I'm so pleased things went well. That was so sweet of Dave too.
Hugs.
xxx

So it was Dave that penned that message then? well I think he must have had inspiration for that! esp as he had the visit, maybe that's why she came to him then to put that idea in his head eh?

How wonderful
Will speak later.


xxxx

How you feeling hon? xxx

So glad that your mum's send off went well Aitch and what a lovely thing for your Dave to do...all of it. Bless him. I'm glad you're card arrived too. Take it easy mate and you know where I am. xx

I heard the news hun xx

Our deepest sympathy and I am glad things went well xxx

I really don't know Lorna tbh xxxxx

Thanks Jackie.xxxx

Thanks Steph.xxxxx

Feeling a bit weird at the moment. Just had a long chat with our Elaine, and it would seem this is quite normal, I'm in a kind of limbo, but I almost feel as if some part of me is missing, a vital part too Not phyisically of course, but mentally, I feel only half of what I was, I've gone very quiet and that's not me at all, but then again I have still got this stinking cold, I'm probably physically and mentally drained, and although they all mean well, I'm fed up of answering the bladdy phone to people and talking. Yeah, I know, usually I can talk the hind legs off a donkey but at the moment, I want to be quiet, I just want to be around the dogs and Dave, and I'm sure he will be in his element with this new wife he has around now, going about her wifely duties in a quiet manner, but hopefully it won't last long and he won't have to wonder where I am coz he'll just hear me like he always has! Oh I don't know, just feel weird. I don't feel upset anymore, nothing sends me into floods of tears, and I've finalised all the paperwork which needed to get done, sent it all off, nothing more to do, and I can shred the half a dozen big fat files I've had for the past 3 years and make some "me" room in the filing draw!

I went out shopping with my best mate this morning, we have discovered the new Morrisons we have down here, and usually we're fighting for the air space in the car to blurt out the next thing, but it was very quiet in the car too, and she must have noticed that, but I'm sure she understands coz she lost her mum only 2 years ago herself. Maybe it's because I like things to stay the same, I don't like change, and this will be a really big change for me, I won't know what to do with myself, all that time on my hands, because I was still working when mum originally arrived 3 years ago, just a little part time job to keep me out of trouble, but I soon had to jack that in when mum broke her ankle after only 2 weeks of being here and needed me here at home. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to work, I just need time to find something I like, to fill in that enormous gap mum has now left in my life. I'll find it for sure, and the dogs are already benefiting coz we're back to our two long walks a day instead of sometimes missing that 2nd one coz I had to go over to see her. I'm actually thinking I'd like to give some of this spare time to a voluntary cause now, not in a rescue centre though, I couldn't do it, we'd either end up with yet more dogs or it would tip me over the edge mentally at the moment I know I couldn't cope with that. Maybe something along the lines of visiting some lonely old people in hospital for a little chat or something, I'd kind of like that or some of those stuck in a nursing home feeling lonely. They'd have to have their marbles though, I don't want my own head more jumbled up than it is already thanks!

I'm one of those people who have a lot of love to give, and that is why we ended up with the puppy you see, because I told Dave how much I missed giving out all this spare love, he can only handle so much ya see, and I'd lost Cassie, and Georgie wasn't really interested in that part of me (he likes his food!), so Dave said it had better be a puppy then rather than it being an affair, so that's what we did! I was so very happy then, Dave got his share, Mum got her share and Zena and Georgie had the rest, but now that mum's gone, there's a spare part available, and that's probably why I'm feeling like I am, I need to find something to pass it on to, and we can't have another dog, I've already tried that one so I'm just gonna have to adopt an old granny somewhere or something to lavish a bit of affection and attention on, that should sort it! Lol! I'm not normal at all am I, but do I care??!!!!! Maybe time will heal all of this. I wish I wasn't so strange and intricate, why can't I just be normal and put up and shut up and enjoy the life I could have now, maybe I will, maybe I won't! Sorry needed a rant!!!!

Another chapter beginning for me then, where it'll take me who knows, as long as it's not on another one of those rollercoasters I should be fine! Thanks again guys, you got me through, can't say I've come out the other end shining quite yet, but at least I'm still here in one piece, sort of!!! xxxxxxxx

This is one of the hardest parts, the shock initially spurs you into getting through everything, and once the funeral is over, its a lull. You don't really know what you should be doing how you should be feeling. At this point with my mum it was like the rest of the family apart from me and dad picked themselves up and got on with it, but I just wanted to hide. I got ill at this point found out I had kidney disease, and it was just a horrible time. I then became very very strong again, and it took 6 months for me to grieve.

Its a long process, and part of you is missing. It always will be, I won't lie to you babe. I had a little cry about my mum this morning - and its nearly been 5 years.

I'm here if you need me, I know I'm a bit of a random 24 year old lesbian, but I'm a good listener - and I know the sh!t you're going through xxxx much love as always H xxxx

ohhh H,
I can identify with that feeling that you've lost something, and your not sure what or how to find it. And your right about the big hole thats left too.
Even now i sometimes look towards dads chair to tell him something i'v seen or heard, and then get upset because he's not there anymore. But i can also smile and laugh about the silly things we used to talk about.
How you feel or think can change in a nano second, its normal.
Everyones grief is differerent, and they do it in different ways. hugs hun xxxxxxxx

Im so sorry to hear this Helena, thinking of you at this sad time xxx