Bev huge huge (((hugs))).

I do a lot well we both do for our two boys especially Michael as he is rubbish with money. But we know they are always grateful and they show it to us by little things just by being polite and not talking down to us.

I think you need to toughen up with them its so hard I know
but I really think you have to start putting yourself first.

I will pm you later for your address again as I have lost it from the last visit. As Gorden now works from home except for the odd meeting I will arrange with you too meet up I will come to you and how about we pop out for a coffee to a nursery or something and have a good old chat a wander round and look at all the pretty christmas stuff ?

You may know of a nursery or somewhere nice to go too if not I will do some research in the net for somewhere nearby to you. Only if you want to though.

I havn't spoken to my Gp about how I feel no. I have so many quite big health problems at the moment I am trying to contend with I havn't even told him all of them let alone my emotional state of mind.
I am struggling terribly financially, healthwise and emotionally and sometimes wondr is everything worth it anymore.

First off Bev ((((BIG HUG)))) from us to you. I wish I could drive, I would come and help you out and give you a hug in person too.
I think you have got to be a bit more assertive with your sons'. You are ill, its about time you came first for a change and they need to know this... you are a truly lovely person and should be treated as such.
Take care and put yourself first!

Bev - we`re just down the road. If it would help I`d be happy to meet up or come to you.
You have lots of friends - they just need to know when you want support.
Kids can be thoughtless - but they need to know how you feel and what you are going through. Putting a brave face on it is not always the best thing. Talk to your kids.
x

Hi
Made me really feel for you reading this. Your Sons should feel ashamed.
Please please put your self first and just concentrate on you and your dogs.
Sadly I can see 2 of my own children behaving just like your sons in a few years time.

Christine xx

Big hugs from me too, sometimes our kids need to learn to stand on their own two feet, and as long as we keep giving, they will keep taking, I always thought my kids would get better with age, if anything, they got worse for a while, but now are all strong independent women. They are grown men now, you need to take care of yourself and look after your health, the one constant in life is that our dogs are there for us all the time and demand nothing more than a comfy bed, a full bowl and lots of hugs xx

Oh Bev, I soooooooo want to give you a huuuuge hug after reading that very sad post of yours It's just not fair is it, the way some children treat their parents, and I can never understand it either, when I had to watch the way my brother was with my old mum during my many visits over to Mallorca to see her, it was quite upsetting to say the least, but I was living miles away at the time, and could do little about it.

Maybe it's just another male thing, coz it's quite unusual for daughters to be like this I'm sure of it. Not only did I see my brother cut all ties with my old mum when she moved over here to be with us (because he knew he wouldn't be able to suck her dry anymore ), but I've also seen my own husband cut his ties with both his parents too, and it's just something that I will never understand.

Just like you, my mum didn't have much in the end, only her pension and a small investment, her capital being all tied up in her property, and I would watch the way she would scrimp and scrape to live, and yet if my brother wanted anything, he could have it,she would always go without, even to the extent that she used a lot of her investment money to buy him his own little flat over there I was always the one who did everything for my parents and yet I was always the one who it was kind of "expected" of, and got no rewards for it. I eventually got my reward though, by having mum living here with us for her last 4 years, and I wouldn't have traded that for all the money in the world.

I remember when mum was in hospital for 7 weeks, and I used to go there every, single day to give her a top to toe wash, and one day, the sister collared me to say, "do you know, out of this entire hospital, YOU are the only person who has ever come to help out a parent like this"!! It's a huuuge hospital too, so that says something doesn't it I suppose a lot of them are hoping they're never coming back out, so they'll just sit and wait for the will to be read

I don't know what the answer is for you Bev, I wish, like Rachel, I had a magic wand to make you feel better, and I really don't think a kick up the a*se is going to do any good, it could end up making it worse. That letter might be a good idea, tell it from the heart Bev, let them know just how c*ap they've made you feel, hit them where it hurts if they've got any amount of compassion in them.

I had to watch my poor old mum when she was old and frail, constantly asking me if I had heard from my brother, to which I always had to reply "no", and then she'd say, "well, I haven't got anything now have I, they don't want to know" and it would break my heart, but at least she still had me to give her a big hug or make her laugh, but the pain she must have hidden inside must have been massive, her much loved son, deserting her like that, just because she felt old and frail and felt the need to be with somebody who she knew would be there for her right up to the end, and that must have been a really nice feeling for her.

If you need a chat Bev, just pick up the phone, if I'm in, I'm always here for you, I can be a cyber shoulder for you to lean on when you need it. We all love ya Bev, along with Shady and Kyiro, and I hope to God, those sons of yours come round to appreciating you as they should, but what it will take for them to do that, I don't have the answer I'm afraid. Lots of cyberhugs to you Bev, and some very special kisses from Zena and some really slobbery ones from old Georgie, he loves ya too!!!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh honey......

Sadly, I had the same scenario as you with my daughter. I decided I wasn't going to allow her to continually hurt me anymore.

I told her how I felt, and she decided to cut me off from my grandchildren, including removing me as a friend on FB, so I can't even look at photos anymore.

It was a high price to pay, but almost two years on, I feel happier and more settled with it all.

Any assets when I die will be left to dogs (in some form or other) as they've never hurt me my whole life.....

Families...... who'd have 'em?

x0x0x

Bev reading that was so sad, I don't know what to say tbh You do need to talk to your doctor and give him all the facts, let him decide what the priority symptoms are, he can't offer a proper diagnosis without knowing all the facts. I know how scarey it is as after years of banging my head against a brick wall with my doctor, my symptoms constantly being put down to my age etc, I threw a hissy fit and was finally referred to the hospital and after much tooing and froing between the doctors and hospital appointments I was finally due to have a d&c last tuesday but they didn't do it, I woke up to discover they were unable to do it and I now have an oncology appointment on monday. My OH is a worrier and is really stressing out and I'm the calm one telling him to get a grip, stressing about what might be wrong will most likely make your symptoms worse, and you could be suffering needlessly, find out the facts and take it from there.
Hugs Bev you don't have to be alone, next time you need a lift to or from hospital let us know, if I'm available I'll happily take you.

Oh Bev, my darling you need to put yourself first, you need to let all your children know, exactly what you are going through on a day to day basis. You should not be going through any of that alone.... You are not well and sorry my love, but you should be the top of their priorities, you only have one mum and my god they have an excellent one in you!

So sorry you are are feeling low, i sometimes think we do too much for our kids and they expect more and more.

You sound like a lovely mum, a mum a lot of kids are crying out for. Please put yourself first for a change, maybe be a bit less "available" - perhaps they will come to their senses.

I really hope that knowing all your friends on here are thinking of you helps. Please keep talking about how you feel. Don`t bottle it up.
We`re here for you.
x