Feeling Hurt and Alone

Sorry I don't want to be a misery and depress anyone but I just need to get this off my chest and needed someone to talk to.
As most of you know I live alone with my grandaughter, who is like a daughter to me. I also have 2 sons in thier 30's. My youngest is married and lives about 20 miles away with his wife and son and step son, my eldest lives about 15 miles away and has split from his partner and bringing up his 2 children on his own.
I have done everything through my life I can to help my sons as anyone would for thier children and last year so my eldest son could get away I went without so much to help him financially with money I don't have as I am on benefit due to ill health and put myself into debt for him.
I try never to ask them to do anything for me and struggle along or just don't do jobs that I really need help with as they are verty physical.
I suffer a lot of day to day pain as I have fibromyalgia and it wasn't till yesterday when I really needed to ask for help from them I realised they just didn't really care and they take no interest in me whatsoever unless its for thier gain.
When my fibromyalgia was diagnosed they were not interested so although I hadn't spoken to them about it before that, I didn't afterwards either.
Then a few weeks ago I had really bad chest pains and actually thought that was my lot and have been under the hospital for my heart since, they havn't even been to see me or ask how I am. I read on here and other places all the time how someones relative or friend is in hospital or has a hospital appointment and they are waiting for news etc and concerned for them. It really hurts my family are not like that for me. I know it sounds like I feel sorry for myself, and I suppose today i do a bit but I never have before. I've just accepted if I am ill or sick I will go to hospital on my own and get myself home afterwards I've never wanted to put on anyone..
When I was rushed in an ambulance with a suspected heart attack, they didn't come to the hospital and didn't offer to come and bring me home instead I had to walk 3 miles home in the rain with no coat and in my slippers.
Yet they get stroppy especially my youngest son if I don't visit them every couple of weeks and say I don't care and actually get quite nasty.
My youngest son has been busy working and doing up a house so I can understand he doesn't have much time to visit, but he has made time to go and see my ex mother-in-law and has to drive past near where I live to get there, but then as my eldest son pointed out he will go there as he stands to gain a lot when she dies so keeps in with her.
I have nothing at all so neither will gain from me. My eldest son never has enough money to come and visit so unless I give him petrol money or he is over this way I rarely see him unless I go to his. He loves to pick fault in anything i say though and belittle me when he can.
It makes me so sad to think of how much I love them and would do anything I could for them, but that they don't seem to care whether I am alive or dead.
Perhaps its me I don't know but it has really upset me and made me feel very very low and tearful.
I just don't know what to do anymore and quite honestly I just feel I have had enough of life in general full stop.

Bev, it is very sad reading this. I wish I could wave a magic wand and change things for you. It seems to me that your sons are both very selfish, I just cannot believe you had to walk home in the rain in your slippers!

I think I would be letting them know just how you feel.....maybe they need a kick in the you know what to understand that they need to up their game.

I know you are a fighter...we saw that with Shady so all I can say is keep on going......the dogs love you dearly.

Sending you loads of hugs.........

The kindness I could feel in your reply just made me break down and sob. Poor Shady came rushing over and put her paw on me worried.
I know I won't tell my sons how I feel as I never want them to be able to say I was a burden, I would hate to be that to anyone.
Your right my dogs do love me dearly but again I get put down by my sons for loving them back.

I don't know you at all but felt very sad reading this.

I know I cannot do anything to change the situation so my heart goes out to you.

My parents [and the devil in laws lol] live 40 miles away from us ..............we usually see my parents 3 times a month [we visit] and the in laws once or twice a month........

I would like to see my parents more but with work, school etc etc is is hard.

Do you think they would be interested in a [a social network] account. This is how I speak / contact my parents daily.........with just a snippet of what we have been up to bad/good day etc and a few photos every now and again.

Sometimes you have not much to say in a phone call but a little message here and there could keep you in contact without much effort.

Just a thought!

Bev for whats its worth hun, if I was you I would let them stand on thier own two feet instead of depending on you.

I had a similar problem with my two, the youngest is very very independent however he could be very critical of anything I did too, the eldest used to depend on me for everything.
So when my eldest got himself into debt a few years back of over 25 thousand, he turned to me, I spent nearly every wage paying bills for him, giving him food, feeding his animals, paying his petrol etc., whilst the youngest critized everything It was over a period of 2 years and Patrick (stepdad) was starting to get well and truely p*ssed off with it all.
Then my youngest got married, a lavish OTT wedding her dress alone running into thousands, my eldest had a new suit my youngest paid for him to stay overnight at the hotel for his dogs to go into kennels plus his cats and worse after all our help Pat and I were treated like outsiders by him & her plus her parents.

I went ballistic at the all of them, its no secret that both boys didn't speak to us for over a year, but things have sorted now. My youngest (33) doesn't critize anymore and my eldest(35) has had to stand on his own two feet, I am sorry but I told him....No More from me.........and you know Bev he actually (3 years on) has sorted out his debts and is now managing to save £50 per week in a savings account.

Recently my eldest '''thank me''' for the kick up the jacksy he said ''Mom that was just what I needed''

They won't like it at first hun, but they need to realise that you have feeling too..........hope you tell them what is doing to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx God bless you

Bev I was in tears reading that, especially the bit about you walking home with no coat and in your slippers. I think our kids can be exceptionally selfish and I wonder if because you are such a strong person, they just assume you'll be ok? It's no excuse and their behaviour is unacceptable.

I've followed your threads since the loss of little Milo and your love and concern for your dogs has touched me greatly. You're a wonderful person and you do not deserve to be made to feel this way.

I think Rachel is right, your kids need a kick up the backside! Hugs to you Bev, please don't ever feel you are alone, you really aren't. xxxxxxxxxxx

So sorry you feel this way..sometimes our kids just need a kick up their backsides to make them wake up to the fact their parents have feeling too.

Why not write both of the a letter , as you have here, put it all down in writing, dont hold back let them know how you feel abandoned, and the lack of thought they give you.

Sometimes Bev , when its down in black and white , they HAVE TO LISTEN....... where as if you talk they will get defensive and shout over you.

Thankyou. We do all belong to a social networking site but in all honesty its always me that has to do the messaging and they don't seem that bothered about replying. If I put a general public message up(not to them) I will often get a sarky reply on it though from them which i have to delete as it upsets me.

Thankyou, and I am sorry to hear you had similar with your two but glad it has all worked out.
It actually did come to a head with us all a few years ago and i could take no more so was going to move to Wales to get away from the whole lot of them. My youngest son made me feel such a bad mother for thinking so little of them to move away so I couldn't see them I didn't persue it and felt awful for considering it.
I can see it coming to a head again soon though.

Thankyou, I do try to be strong, I've had to after all that has happened to me in life and now I am free from that I do not ever want to be a burden to people and especially to my family so I never ask for anything. Inside though I am often crumbling and falling apart., but i won't show it.
It would just be nice if now and then they actually thought mum has been good to us and really struggles everyday, I think I will go and see her and ask if I can help with anything. That never happens though and although I know they have enough to do themselves it would be nice to think they cared just a bit, even if I had nothing for them to do.

I'm so sorry you're feeling down and not surprised. Like the others have said, it sounds like a little kick up the pants might be in order. You're not being selfish or a burden needing a little help now and again especially after all you have and still do(walking home in slippers ). Sometimes looking after others it's hard to 'look after number one' and put ourselves first, without feeling guilty. It's easy sometimes for others to think 'oh they're ok and can look after themselves' and not see that a little help means a lot. Your dogs can't help with transport and hospital but love you very much and are there for you. Please don't feel alone x

Bev its very sad when a lady as nice as you are is treated like that. After reading your post i can see why you are so upset.
The next time they ask for a favour, try; the answer is no or i'm too busy.
Sometimes our children need to be reminded that we are not door mats.
You have had an awful lot to contend with recently bev, there is only so much a person can burden on there own shoulders. Have you spoken to your GP about how you are feeling?