the only time he opens his mouth, is to change feet !!

insanity is hereditary, you get from your children !!

how about, " you must be older than you look, nobody could get so stupid so fast " or this " i'll memorise your name, then throw my head away "

Ohhh I like that last one!

My dad said a prize one to me. I was about 17 and came into the lounge to show off my new outfit (a short black dress) he sat in his chair looked me up & down and said ' Your legs are alright up to your knees aren't they?!!

Charming, especially as my legs are exactly like his!!!!

you must have a sixth sense, ther's no sign of the other five !!

how about, " you're the kind of person who lights up a room by leaving it "

or , " she got her good looks from her father, he's a plastic surgeon "

I once said to an old man with a walking stick who was about to hit Takara with it (despite her being nowhere near) something along the lines of:

"You touch that dog and you'll not be able to find that stick but at least you won't have a stoop any longer!"

I was quite embarassed at myself until I realised he was nearly deaf anyway and couldn't hear me!

Shona - I hope I never get on the wrong side of you!!

One cracker i heard was "I wouldn't ride that into battle!"