OK..., Anxiety and work, yet another dilema. Where do I stand?

Why does it seem like everything I do becomes a complete dilema, or anxiety enducing situation

I have been suffering from anxiety disorder for 10 months now. Anyway things generally have been pretty good with me and I have been doing ok with my anxiety, well ok in comparison to lets say 8 months ago. Long story but my anxiety "seems" to lead back to an event or chain of events 3 years ago which has been brought to the forefront of my mind and been aggrevated by my current job.

Anyway had a fair bit of time off my work 5 months, went back on a phased return, and although struggling sometimes, I managed to never actually have a full blown panic attack which is good for me. I came really close but didnt actually get there!! Then my pals dad died and it went all to pieces again I was hysterical very emotional and a mess!! This was 6 weeks after being back at work. Doc signed me off again for another 2 weeks and I am due to go back on Wed and am feeling a lot better. I also made the definite decision to look for a new job (see other posts!!)

THEN my head office phoned me today to tell me they want a meeting with me on Monday, she was very nice on the phone and said she was just concerned as I had been off gone back and was off again. I tried to explain that it was because my base level of anxiety and over emotion was still a lot higher than "normal" and she said well that is all stuff we can discuss on Monday. There will be my area manager and my HR manager and little old me SCARY

So as I'm sure anyone with anxiety disorders can imagine I am in a total state. Feel sick, sweat lashing off me, vision blurry, instant splitting headache, shaking, heart beating like I have run a marathon and feel trapped (this is just great)

Now my main concern is does anyone know where I stand, I know that if it is a discipinary I am entitled to take someone with me and they havnt offered that and I havnt asked (just in case I need to use a breach of rights if they ask me to leave) When I went back on my phased return my doc wrote a letter stating that a relapse was probable and I may need to leave at short notice etc etc - they took me back therefore am I right to assume they agreed to those conditions and lets face it noone can plan a bereavement.

How can I get through this weekend without freaking out on high anxiety till Monday as I don't want to turn up a quivering mess so they ask me to leave

Gee my head is a mess

Sorry for the long post

Thanks for any advice

hun one word

DICTAPHONE

if you havent been told you can bring someone only aggree to the meeting if you can tape it...

i did with all may managment meeting when i was off with anxiety and it really kept them in line,

they couldnt miss comments off minutes as i had proof of what was said and also the TONE it was said in!

also contact ACAS
http://www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1461

they can give good advice and are really friendly.

other than that i dont know hun, i just popped a load of propranalol!

Benz mum. I would try and stay clam till you know what it all entails. (easier said than done.....I know how you are feeling.....)

I would think they would be unable to take any disciplinary action as you have doctors notes each time and they agreed to the conditions when you were hired. I wonder whether there is somewhere you can get advice from before Monday? That would put your mind at rest. the only place i can think of is CAB.

http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/index/getadvice.htm

Do you have medication for your anxiety? I am sure you have that side taken care of but just wondered if a phone call to your docs before they close for the weekend might be an idea?

Lynne I really don't know, I am lucky as I have never been in your postion.
My first question was going to be, can you take anyone with you. I would have thought that would help. I thought that in meetings like this you were entitled to have another person with you.
Try and find out, and get someone lined up ready.
Failing that come and talk at Dogsey, we will keep you calm

Thanks just called ACAS and managed (without sobbing) to talk to them. And I have lots of propanolol

Just called ACAS and got enough medication here to start selling it

Thanks

Well I called ACAS and apparently there is no legal entitlement to be accompanied to a meeting unless it is a disciplinary meeting where I would be allowed a trade union official or a colleague.

They have every right to take action if my attendance has in their opinion be unsatisfactory. The woman said I just have to calmly (that will be a laugh) point out that I could not possibly forsee this latest period of absence and that although not directly related to work, the fact I was already only say 80% of my normal self meant that it took me longer to adjust to the emotions and feelings and it was far better that I take time off now than spiral back to needing months off, both for myself and my employers.

If they take any disciplinary steps eg a warning or a period of time where I not allowed to be off or suggest I am incapable of doing my job then I should ask for the meeting to be postponed and state that if it was a disciplinary then I should have been notified of that fact and the right to have a representative with me.

Gee just aswell I am typing this as I will have forgotten it all by about 6pm head is spinning.

What a great weekend present from them eh.

I mean my doc gives me a line advising me to stay off/away from work and they phone me onh a friday afternoon and ask me to go into the very place he has told me to stay away from.

Common sense?? Especially when I intend to be back at work 2 days later ie wednesday!!

are you in a union? if so get support of them!

i was in sh1t with my last work (bullied) and i joined the union and they were fab, great advice about everythign etc

(((hugs))) i know how you feeel with the anxiety

xx

Thanks Suze,

I am not in a union but have just looked up info on net about T&G union.

But doubt I could join today for advice about something happening on Monday? Or could I? My work have never mentioned unions it was just my OH who has just come in to find me in a state and then you mentioning it.

Just doubt I could join to get help for an already existing problem?????

You're working yourself up into a right old state before anything has even happened! Don't assume the worst. You say the lady from H/O was very nice on the phone, and when you started blurting, she said you can discuss all that on Monday, so you are on the defensive only because you have made all these things up in your head that they are going to say horrible things to you, but they won't, I'm sure of it!!! If you're as good as you sound, which you must be, otherwise they wouldn't have put up with all the previous time you had off work - they took you back didn't they? They also haven't sent you a letter saying "don't come back on Wednesday" either have they?? So just try and calm down and stop thinking such awful things which in turn are making you feel so bad!

They probably want to sit down with you and talk through exactly HOW you're feeling now, and whether or not you feel you really CAN carry on doing the job they're paying you for, or whether you'd rather find a less demanding job or something, and that's all - probably! After all, everyone wants to know where they stand, and at the moment, your chair has been more empty than occupied of late hasn't it, so questions are going to be asked in the workplace as to what is going on with you and only right too.

You also say, you're definitely going to change your job. Sooooo, if you keep that part in your head, instead of all the other things you are just making up about them all, then your confidence will return, you can go in there on Monday with your head held high, your head clear to answer the questions they are obviously going to ask you (and make sure you know the answers!)and you'll probably be given the choice of either going back to work, settling down to do it, OR being asked if you want to leave! Simple isn't it when you think about it?!

Now please stop worrying, because you're making yourself feel ill, it's all so unnecessary when you really don't know what it's all about for Monday yet, and tbh you don't do you! Go and put the kettle on, sit down with a pen and paper and write down exactly what you DO want to do about this job, i.e. do you want it if they want to keep you on, or don't you, because that much you really DO need to sort out in your head!

All the very best, if you get monday morning heebejeebies I'm sure there'll be somebody on here to try and calm you down! You really are cooking it all up yourself that's as clear as day to me I don't know about anyone else! Please relax, otherwise, I can see what's going to happen you just won't be able to go in on Monday to get the TRUE facts and it might be a big mistake.xxxx

Thanks H, I know you are right its just a shame my head doesn't share that feeling right now

Ultimately I do want to get a new job and hopefully have some things in the pipeline however if they fall through I do not want to be without a job. This recent absence has not been really related to work just to the fact that I am still recovering.

But yes I know you are 100% right I have no idea what they are going to say though I have made up the whole conversation already in my head!!

I am trying to look at the positives and one you pointed out if they wanted rid they could already have done so I guess (although my doc did state it was all work related)

One thing they havn't done is suggest occupational health and in my brief moments of calmness I have decided if they do want to pursue actions of a severe disciplinary nature then I will ask that they consider referal to an OH for their input.

I will go to the meeting I owe them and me that but I will have to fight very very hard to be calm or even remember some of what they say which is where notes or dictaphone definitely seem like a good idea

Will just have to try and have a really good weekend OR a lottery win. (at least my sense of humour hasnt left me today)

There you are, you sound calmer already, and I knew you'd see sense! Sometimes, it takes somebody looking in from the outside to help you from not seeing the wood for the trees so to speak if you know what I mean.

YOu sound like you've really got things sorted out better in your head, you know what to aim for on Monday, and when it comes to it, I'm sure you WILL be calm and confident knowing they're not going to all be against you, they really aren't you know!

Be thinking of you on Monday, and like I said, if you're a quiverring mess on Monday, come on here and I'm sure there'll be plenty of support for you before you go. Make sure you do that lottery tomorrow night too, just in case!!!