Help needed(what age do you tell a child there not your's)

She is 6 and her mom now has another child, her brother.
we have reared her from 3mths but feel the time is nearing to tell her, when do we do it? And what should we say?

Circumstances vary, it sounds like you know where her natural mother is. Are you actually in touch

If she has a brother who is not far away then they might bump into each other sometime.

FWIW I would wait a while longer but only if the young girl is not going to find out who her natural mother is, if she is likely to find out then it would be better if you told her now. As I say it's just my opinion, six is very young to take on board adult relationships.

Her mother is my my OH's daughter we see her everyday and shannon is very attached to her but think's she is her sister.
We know of people that left it till her daughter was 11 to tell her her father was not her's and she went off the rail's.

PMS gratefully recieved.xxxxxxxxxx

It's a very difficult one to advise on as some 6 year olds are more emotionally aware/advanced than others but I would be inclined to start to introduce the idea sooner rather than later. Younger children are generally more adaptable and will take things at face value more so than older ones whose analytical skills are more highly developed and may be more inclined to react badly, perhaps perceiving that everyone they trust has lied to them for their entire life and therefore questioning who they can trust (worst case scenario).

I have no clue how you go about telling the child but perhaps do it gradually rather than sitting her down and giving her the whole story...it's a lot for anyone to take in let alone a six year old. I wonder if there are any books that feature a child that has 2 Mummies that you could use to gently introduce the idea....the library may be a good place to start. I would have thought with so many second marriages/step families these days, there are bound to be childrens books that deal with the issue?? Regardless, if you can introduce her to the idea that some children have 2 Mummies and that it's a good thing and let her get used to that idea first and you'll probably find she'll ask questions (maybe not right away) which might lead on naturally to the specifics of your situation.

Have no idea if that's at all helpful...just typing as I think so it may not make a whole lot of sense. At the end of the day, it's a very personal decision for your family about how and when you should tell her....very difficult situation to know how to handle as children are such individuals. Regardless, she's a lucky girl to have two Mums looking out for her...many kids don't have the luxury of one. I'm sure she come to realise that too in time

Incidently, a very good friend of mine was reared by her Granny as her Mum was only 17 when she was born and couldn't manage. My friend has always known and is fine with it. She is in her twenties now and her relationship with her real Mum is more like sisters while her Granny is the one she looks to as a mother (although she calls them both Mum). She has 4 brothers and sisters who came along after she did. Certainly hasn't done her any harm being from a slightly dysfunctional family set-up as she's one of the nicest, kindest people I've ever had the pleasure to know

Best of luck

(Sorry....a bit longer than I intended )

I think 6 is way too young to be told this as it's an awful lot for a kid to take in.However it could be broken to her gently over time.If I were you I'd seek advice from a psychologist so that you get it right,xxxxxxxxx

hun, i have got to pop out - will p.m you on my return babe. x

OK from your post 3 above I would perhaps suggest (As others have said) a gradual introduction of the idea now, or soon. As Boobah said if you can get some proffessional guidance it might help to get the right approach and get the message across in a way a six year old will understand. This is way outside my expertise so I'll shut up now, good luck with whatever you decide.

They were talking about something similar on This Morning where a sperm donor was in contact with his son. The parents were going to call him 'Uncle' but they said you should be honest with children as soon as you can, don't lie to a child, and I have to say this is also what I believe.

You'd be surprised how easily children take that sort of info at very young ages, far better than to leave it until they are 11 for example. Can you imagine how it would feel knowing you've been lied to for all those years?

I have bought up my grandaughter since the day she was born (she is now 16yrs old). She has never seen her mother and when she was tiny I always reffered to myself as Nan until one day when she was about 4 she asked if she could call me mum like her friends called thier mums mum. It helped to make her feel normal and not different.
She has called me mum since and I have always reffered to her as my daughter, but she knows I am really her nan and always has, so i have not had the problem of having to tell her I am not who she thinks I am.
I would say don't put it off, she may be only 6 but she will understand and better to come now than later when she starts getting hormones all over the place. I think a child should know thier identity as early as possible it helps them feel secure rather than find out when they are older they are not who they thought they were and neither are you.
At least they know then that they have you they can trust in to be honest with them and they need that when they hit the teen hormonal years.

My mother has two biological children, my sister & I, but she also brought up two girls..who were the daughters of one of my mothers sisters, who was sadly plauged by mental illness and was not fit to take care of them. My parents brought them up as their own and never said any different until, some significant years later shall we say..the girls were both in their twenties, and saw it as being robbed..as living a lie, my mother hasnt heard nor seen them since..n thats about 11/12 years ago now.
The truth will always out.