Dealing with dog bereavement - your experiences

Thought it might be helpful for members going through bereavement to read other people's experiences with losing a dog. If you feel up to it, please do share how you coped, how you felt, when things started to get better, etc.

(For anyone going through bereavement you may also want to read an article on the topic by the Dog's Trust - you can download it from here. It's a PDF file that most computers or browsers should be able to open.)

What a huge subject.

A couple of years ago I lost 4 dogs within 14 mths---and Tassle lost her old boy. It feels like you bruise inside each time. Each time is different and over the years I have put strategies in place to make the dying easier for the dogs. I suppose that makes it easier for us, I don't know any more. I do know that most times when I see the needle with the blue appear I want to scream at them not to do it because it is so very final.

Some hurt more than others, some are easier to accept. Somehow when a dog is older and has decided that it is tired, or hurts too much to go on trying, it is easier for me to cope with.

There seems to be guilt around when anything dies. As we generally make a concrete decision about our dogs it rarely feels right in our hearts even though our heads know it is right.

It doesn't stop hurting, there is always a place inside you that wants it to not have happened, as there is with every death.

No one can tell anyone how they are going to feel, no one knows how long it takes for the hurt to become just an ache when you think about the dog.

Me---I believe that my dogs will be waiting for me when I die, that at the moment they are with my dad----who is probably getting swamped now! I believe that some dogs I have held while they die will be with their other people and I may never meet them again.

I don't need a grave or ashes but I do understand anyone who does. We are all as different as our dogs are.

rune

Hi Azz

My first and beloved Rough Collie, Laddie, died at the age of 12. He had been getting increasingly ill and in the end the vet told us there was no choice but to let him go...

My mum and I were there and we were FRANTIC. We actually did not want them to do it, but they were right, as he was suffering.

I was 18, and absolutely beside myself - Laddie was 'my' dog and we had grown up together.

My mum, bless her, saw how distressed I was and so we went back to collect his body - and brought him home and buried him in the garden.

I cried and cried and could not stop.

When our dogs leave us, there is such an enormous, aching, gaping gap. And it can take quite a while to even start to feel a bit better.

It was years before I could even imagine having another dog.

What my wife felt when we lost Tia...posted before but...
I am so emotionally wiped out , having to take our 17 year old dog to the vets yesterday was much harder than i could have imagined . I thought i would be ok after it happened but didnt realise exactly how much her presence in the house meant to us all. Being so old there was extra care that she needed and we always had to be aware of where she was and what she was doing. Now nothing and i dont quite know what to do with the silence while all the others are in bed asleep. I almost want the other dogs to wake up and be naughty just to occupy my time.

When Jade went to cancer we were both so devastated. I threw myself into Sam who, bless him, lapped up the extra cuddles.

When my Sam went, although it had been expected for a long time, the feeling was the same only this time the house was so empty and so was I.

Little Rosie came along a week later, not to replace Sam as no dog ever could, but to fill that deep, empty chasm that was consuming my life.

It's still so very raw and I still miss my babies, but little Rosie is helping, bless her.

When we finally lost Big Molly at the age of 21 at Easter.... The time was right, so there was no guilt.... We knew that she had had a wonderful life, and us with her....

But it didn't make it any easier... We still had Little Molly.

(The reason we had two dogs called Molly at at the same time together, was when me and my OH met 10 years ago, we both each had a dog called Molly).

We buried her in the garden, and the kitchen faces the garden where she is buried.

At tea time for the dogs, I lit a candle in the window at the same time. It eased my pain and we went to (and still do) go to the bottom of the garden under the tree to say hello.

But she will be forever in our hearts.

When I lost my old girl, my soulmate in the shape of a small short tempered Jack Russell I was devestated, she was the dog I'd grown with and she was a true diamong. Entirely ill tempered and intolerant of anyone but me, and the stereotype of a JRT, but she was a rescue and had quite a tough history. She suffered quite a short illness, which I can be thankful of, and was pts in summer 2006. Only NOW can I remember her fondly without getting upset. She was a lot older than we ever presumed I think, she looked a lot older than estimated by the rescue centre and she had a good set of years with us, and left a legacy that will never be forgotten in the shape of her savage love and sheer devotion towards me, she never left my side in all the years she was with me.
This year has been quite tough, infact very tough, I lost both pomeranians at either end of the summer, a mere puppy of a few months to a neurological disorder illuminated by a dramatic behaviour change which the vet advised pts was the kindest option-seeing a puppy totally zoning out and attacking everything in its path whilst screaming is quite horrific, and my 18 month old Ronnie due to quite viciously attacking my step daughter, I'm convinced he may have suffered the same as "Wilma" as both were from the same breeder, same lines, and seemed to display the same change in behaviour. I couldn't bring myself to have a PM done on him once he was gone, he was such a little thing that the sentimental side overtook me and I couldn't bear the thought of it. I can't look at photos of either of the poms, it's actually been so tough as Ronnie in particular was my shadow and just such a diamond. I'm a 6 foot 3, broad built all midlands male, and I'm not afraid to admit tearing up at the mere mention of him. I love both my remaining dogs dearly but it's just not the same, it never is.
I think grief with pets is awful, as it's hard to explain in an understandable way to everyone else. Everyone deals with it differently I guess, me right now just can't even think of them. My OH keeps telling me to think of another, but I never could. I'd always been keen on Pom's, but once bitten twice shy, without going in to too much detail the breeder I had reccomended too me showed little if any concern or support towards me despite knowing a lot more than I care to divulge here, I'd never go near them again through fear of trusting someone like this, as said breeder was quite highly commended.
It's actually quite bizzare, I was signed off on sebatical in september due to having a nervous breakdown and suffering from severe severe depression, I've had an awful lot go on in my private life to attribute this and my whole life's been turned upside down, loosing the dogs was genuinely the last straw and I openly admit a big big contributing factor to the way I am at the moment. In the case of the poms I feel quite the failiure that I could trust such a breeder who's practises subsequently came to light as not being of ethics of what I would consider correct, and subsequently the dogs paid the price. It's all very very sad.

Absolutely devastated when I lost my first GSD (first dog I'd owned since I was an adult). Could not talk about her for years without tears and burst into tears anytime anyone who didn't know she'd gone asked me about her. I did not take another dog for many years (although when I relented, worn down by my daughter, I of course wished I'd done it sooner).

I still talk about old Sal and think about her. Still have photos of her up. She was a lovely old bitch and I can say that when she had to go just before Xmas - it was easily the most MISERABLE xmas holiday me or my kids have ever had. You don't easily forget sitting up nights with your arm round your galumping great teenage sons' shoulders trying to console them when you are just as upset yourself.

Could hardly look at the big square stair she slept on. Was finding soft GSD undercoat hair in places in the house for years after she went - under carpets in the back of cupboards.

When I lost my Cavvy 3 and half years ago - well, it's still too raw to go into detail about how I felt. I was glad she didn't suffer is all I can say. She had been my constant friend and companion for 10 years - hardly a day apart. We understood each other perfectly.

Then, for two years afterwards I VOWED no more dogs. Not going through this heartbreak again. But then I took this min pin menace in and she has stolen my heart. A very different type of dog. Just right for my circumstances now, stops me becoming too sedentary and lazy in my twilight years.

The only thing I can say with certainty from my experience is that it DOES help to get another dog. But I was still unable to do so for ages after losing one. I am sort of hoping this one outlives me - arrangements have been made for her! They can do what they like with me!

The first dog I ever lost was Holly my greyhound last year. I was totally unprepared for the devastation I felt. I knocked me for six.
I think as she was only 5 years old I was totally unprepared to lose her at such a young age. I cried and cried (still do), slept with her collar in my hand. The heavy feeling in my heart was unbearable.
My husband said we should look for another hound to give a home which I didn't want to do 2 weeks after Holly had gone. I couldn't bear the the thought of "replacing" her. I did give in in the end as Graham was suffering too. We found Guinness who I really felt that Holly had led us to. It was the best thing we ever did. I didn't replace her, just got another hound in honour of her.
Of course we set up Holly's Haven in her name which really helped to keep her beautiful memory alive.
I have her ashes too and a photo of her behind them. I say goodnight to her every night and good morning to her too.
When we lost Bessie, the circumstances were very different. It was a massive shock to us. I still find it hard to come to terms with how Bessie died, and Graham can't talk much about her or he breaks down The thing that keeps me going about Bessie is that she was 11 when she died and had a lovely life with us. I know she is ok and I have her ashes too with her picture.
The wierd thing is that when a dog goes missing in our village, they often turn up at Holly's Haven's doors on their own!! I like to think that Holly and Bessie are guiding them to safety. It helps me cope with them going.
I too believe I will be reunited with them when I die and that keeps me going.
I have heard Bessie grunting...something she did when she was really happy and playful and I've also heard Holly running up the stairs when all my dogs were with me downstairs!! I know they're looking after us.
Other people's experiences also helped me on here so I think this thread is a great idea.

It's been a year since I lost my beloved Sam, he was my soul mate and I adored him, he was perfect.

He had a heart attack at home and we rushed him to the vets, when the vet nurse told me he was dead I broke down in the car park screaming and crying (I don't make scenes and I don't cry so it was really out of character for me).
I also have a 16 year old Collie and I felt like she should have gone first and not him, she's had health problems and he was very fit and healthy, I did feel bad feeling that way but I just couldn't help it.
I actually said in the car on the way home from the vets (my mother came to pick me up whilst my dad dealt with the details of Sam) that I only had Cooper left and he was horrible.
It took me a long time (about 9 months) to let myself 'love' Cooper after Sam died, it's only recently that I have felt a bond with him, and his behavior has improved and I feel guilty that it was me that was possibly causing it.
I've lost 2 of my horses this year but don't feel like I have fully taken it in as I still feel a bit 'numb' from Sam.