what would you do?

I have been in a relationship for the last nine years some good and some not so good.
I met my other half in England and we got on great together and after a year i was pregnant and looking forward to having a baby, everything went terribly wrong and our first child together died shortly after he was born, shortly after Liam died we move to Ireland to try and start afresh, for a while it worked and we had two children together, things have gone from bad to worse, OH started to drink all the time and gets verbally abusive and sometimes physically aggressive and then blames me for making him angry.

I tried calling the Garda (police) but they are really reluctant to get involved, so i resorted to talking to his mother and that didnt help, I gave him an ultimatum it was either gonna be the drink or the family it worked for three months but he went back to drinking again. I've begged and pleaded with him to go to a clinic but he wont i've tried taking his money away from him so he can't buy drink, but he just bummed money off his family. I decided I couldn't go on with this relationship and talked to him about having a trial seperation but he wont leave and has said that i need to get out of the house. So I'm heading back to England with my tail between my legs to my mothers.

Would you want revenge? cause i do and how would you go about it? suggestions please

You have had a rough time of it and it does sound as though the separation may turn out to be a good thing in the long run for you and the children.

First of all I would be seeking legal advice. You need to make sure that your financial interests and those of the children are secure. You also may need advice on custody issues?

I can understand that you feel very bitter at the moment, but it would probably be best to think about yourself and the children rather than wasting energy on plans for 'revenge'.

Anyway, don't do anything rash in the heat of the moment. If you really feel you need to get some 'own back', over and above leaving him and taking the children, remember that "Revenge is a dish best eaten cold".

ETA: the 'dish' quite often will give the 'cook' indigestion rather than the recipient

Sorry to hear about whats happening Leilah.

As SB has said, revenge might be a human feeling when you´re angry and hurt, but imo you should feel sorry for your OH.

You are the strong one, you´ll be taking the children and you´ll go on with your lifes and start fresh.
He´s leading a life addicted to alcohol and has now lost what should be the best thing ever happend to him.

But no matter what, he is the father of your kids and therefore you´ll be connected to him for the rest of your life.
Best to try to make that as easy as possible.

I dont see you run back with your tail between your legs, but you taking responsability for your own and your kids life.

I hope you manage to get through this the best way possible ((hugs))

Yup, agree with what's been said so far. Sounds like your ex has messed his life up enough, so no need to put any effort in on your part to assist him in digging his hole... Focus on you, your children & the future!

Also, you ain't running away, you're taking control! Things would only get worse if you stayed trapped where you were, in all probability! Good luck!

best thing to do is forget him .. but i know from personal experiance what an abusive relationship can be like .. revenge can be sweet it depends what you do .. i had to leave my home because my husband wouldnt .. i took my revenge and it still leaves me with a smile on my face .. i wetted the carpets under the sofas and poured cress seeds on it .. so he had cress growing out of the carpets . i also put a fish inside the sofa and had a ton of manure delivered in to the drive way right behind his car so he had to shovel it befor he could go anywhere .. i also cleaned the loo ith his toothbrush . no harm done . but it left me with a smile and a feeling of satisfaction .
you are brave for leaving . its a hard thing to do . many women stay trapped for years . but if he is abusive leaving it best for you and your children . you go girl . rebuild your life how you want it to be . and all the luck in the world to you .. im proud of you .

I'm really sorry to hear whats happened but it sounds like you have made the right decsision (sp?) for you and your children

I don't think revenge is a good idea - especially if he has violent tendencies keep yourself and your kids safe - and enjoy your new life

Leilah, I too was in a marriage that was verbally and physically abusive. All of it fuelled by alcohol. Unless your husband wants to help himself, your wasting your time trying to help him. I know you probably do love him, but you also have yourself and your children to think about. My kids still remember some of the things thier Dad did Living with a violent person is something that is soul destroying and I'm sure it's not a life that you want your kids to remember.

Maybe leaving him might shock him enough into wanting to seek help. If not, then at least you've found the strength to take stock of yours and your childrens future.

I wish you all the best Leilah.

xxxx

hi Leilah
im so sorry to hear what you have been going through,, my grandad was an alcholic and believe me its not worth it,, he put my nana in an early grave after years of agro and seperations and violence,, you deserve so much better and so do your children!
it is no life for them seeing you and your partner rowing and your partner drinking,, i think the best thing you can do is come home to your family where you are safe.
yes i would feel bitter and yes i would want revenge but is it really worth the hassle?? walking away with the kids will be revenge enough.
i hope this helps,, be strong and hold your head up high!!
good luck sweetie
let us know that you are ok when you get back to england

luv from kimberley x x x

Thanx for all your support guys

I have tickets for the first week in Aug, In a bit of a panic though cause I'm still trying to sort out my two Babies Nadi and Simba.

I Liked the little tip about the cress seeds under the sofa nice one