Riding - confidence issuts

Bit of background. I started riding over 2 years ago and things were going great, until I fell off. I was cantering without stirrups, and the pony spooked and I fell off. That REALLY knocked my confidence and it took almost a year to get back to a stage where I could canter. I have fallen off 4 times now and that actual falling off bit, doesn't bother me! I'm not sure what it is.

I was having joint lessons with my sister and things were going great - I would have the odd blip but nothing too bad. We even jumped. Just before we stopped having joint lessons (needed to have separate due to childcare), I was getting more and more worse about cantering but I put that down to the pony I was riding, would be rushing to get back to my sister and I felt out of control.

I have now had 3 lessons on my own again, the first and second were brill. I was doing a lot of cantering last week, and even cantered over the poles. The pony spooked while I was cantering and I managed to get under control and cantered again after that - which was a massive achievement for me!

Today, wasn't so good. I was in one of those "moods" and the pony picked up on it and played up a bit and I just didn't have the confidence to canter. Last week, I would have been more than happy to jump!

After that long winded post, has anyone else lost their confidence and got it back comletely? I seem to be going up and down and I get really frustrated sometimes. My riding instructor says that I can ride and ride well but she has been incredibly understanding. Am I ever going to be a confident rider, or will I always feel a bit unsure every now and then?

Something that I did wonder is if my period has anything to do with it. I know when I am "on", I do stress out about things more than when I'm not so wondering if it's anything to do with that? Is there anything I can take? I do take rescue rememedy before each lesson but sometimes feel that it isn't strong enough. Short of having a gin and tonic I'm not sure what I can do lol.

Any advice, or anyone else gone through something like that?

Helen

Yup! Been there, done that! Shortly after I took on my old dutch warmblood gelding (him of the late gelding fame!), I tipped a whole cafetiere of coffee all down the front of my pyjamas. It was boiling hot, and the skin from just below my boobs to my navel literally fell off, it was horrendous. Because of this I was not able to ride for 3 weeks, but when I got back into the saddle my friend who had been exercising my horse for me said she would walk out with me on foot. We rode down onto an old shooting range, which was a beautiful spot of open grassland and the old boy started to get a bit fresh. I just completely lost it, tensed up, told my friend I wanted to get off, but she just got hold of the bridle, calmed the horse down, calmed me down and said no worries, I will just lead you back to the stables, but you must stay on board because the horse is 17 hh and if anything happened we would never be able to hold him and he could get injured. Now I adored that horse, she knew I adored that horse, and it was the kick up the derriere I needed to stay on board!

By the time we had walked back to the stables, my shattered nerves had restored themselves and I never looked back. Shame actually with hindsight, because I then went on to have a horrendous rta on another horse, but that was not the fault of the horse.

All I can advise is this. Ask yourself do you REALLY want to continue riding? Is your fear greater than your desire? I don't think it is, I think you are just having a wobble, like I did. Is it possible for you to ride an absolutely bomb proof horse? One that would never do anything like you describe? Or at least very unlikely to, a real old school master or mistress?

Perhaps you could get someone to lead you? Either on a leading rein from another horse, or from the ground?

One thing to remember, as you already know of course, fear runs down the reins and if you are unsettled, so will your mount be. Sit up straight, look ahead NEVER down, never tense up and lean forward or use the reins to hold with, if you feel insecure grab a piece of mane or the martingale, or if your mount doesn't have a martingale, then ask for a neck strap to be put on him. Keep your hands down and relaxed ... similar to dogs, the more you pull on their lead the more they will pull you ... keep those hands firm but relaxed if that makes sense! Relax your weight into the saddle whilst at the same time keeping your bottom well tucked in with your hips slightly jutting forwards - this helps you to relax. And breathe deeply and calmly!

I was an incredibly nervous rider as a child, but I wanted to ride more than anything, so I went back to it when I was a confident adult!

Very best of luck to you and I hope this helps!

Do you have all your lessons in a menage?

Thanks, it does help.

No, my fear isn't any greater than my desire. There have been some days, when I was at my very worst, that I did wonder why I put myself through it. But, I the highs are sooo high that it's worth it. I am FAR better than I ever was, and I have learnt to control my nerves but some days, it just gets to me.

Yes. They do have one and I rode that all through my really bad phase. My RI is fantastic and pushes me when she thinks I need it and holds back when she feels that is needed.

They always have a neck strap and I do use it when I feel unsure. I do sing when I feel unsure, which does seem to work but will try the sitting deep, thanks.

It does help, a lot - thanks.

Yes, all in a menage but we do go on the odd hack every now and then - when the weather is nice lol.

I do actually find that the trotting poles relaxes me so we have been doing more of that and my RI said I relaxed more when she kept me going - rather than just walking so we did a LOT of trotting and changing rein.

Helen

Helen

That's fantastic, that all sounds very positive. And the singing is fantastic! When I first took on the randy gelding, I had to ride him out round the country lanes on my own, and when we passed the fields of sheep I used to sing the old Babe mantra:

Baa! Ram! Ewe!
To Your Fleece be True!
Baa! Ram! Ewe!

The sheep certainly liked it, the horse probably thought I was mad but he pricked up his ears so it must have been good! An old Weedon Instructor groom that my father knew during the War told him that horses love you to hiss through your front teeth ... gently and quietly, this apparently calms them, especially when you are grooming a ticklish horse. When my old boy used to get the bit between his teeth sometimes I would steady him with a gentle hiss between the front teeth as well as squeezing on the reins.

You sound like you are doing fantastically well, just keep going and don't try to run before you can walk ... no pun intended. If you don't feel like jumping one day, or doing something more adventurous, then don't. Going out on hacks though is a great way to build confidence, especially if you are riding in glorious countryside, even when the weather is crap, you just cannot help but feel good up there!

Same as everyone else has said really, think most of us who ride regularly have a wobble now and again.

I recently started riding my friends 4yr old 16.2h stallion He wasn't bomb proof by any means but the tenser I got the worse he behaved I found by riding in a long stirrup which gives you a straighter leg and really pushing my heels down helps me sit deeper in the saddle and stops me leaning forward so much, when he played up I tensed up and hunched forward more a survival instinct I think now with longer stirrups I tend to lean back more which helps calm him.

I also talk to him a lot, tell him all about my day etc in the same voice I use for training the dogs - light and cheery, dunno if he likes it but he seems more accepting of strange things

While I'm concentrating on all that I forget to be scared if you like and I can cope better.

Evidently you're body reacts to fear before your brain does, so if you keep your brain occupied by talking / singing or even reciting the alphabet backwards etc you forget to be scared and just deal with whatever the horse throws at you - So I've been told anyway

Have you tried working on your seat at walking and doing lots of sitting trot? Or had lessons on the lunge?
If you are 100% confident in your seat you will often find you don't become unseated, and things like spooks won't get you off, which then in turn improves your confidence.

Learning the one rein stop also helps I've found, it gives you the ability to stop in situations where a horse might bolt so gives you the 'control' factor.

Have you tried doing 'fun' things in your lessons? I've taught a few people with confidence issues and I get them to do le trec exercises (opening gates, weaving through cones, rein back through poles, s bend) and it's amazing how the nerves fade when you have something else to concentrate on.

MANege = arena
MENage = household (think menage a trois)

yours

pedantically................

Struggling with separating this as I'm on my phone so apolgies! Lol

Love the sheep story! Lol.

My RI is very good at not pushing me when I don't feel I can cope, although she does know when to push me. I didn't do any cantering today.

Helen