Acceptable ages for Boyfriend/Girlfriend sleepovers...

Charlie was 16 last month and is totally in love, forever, as you are when you are 16 with his girlfriend, who has also turned 16.

He has asked if she can sleep over and we have said no.

When he has friends over (boys) they play on the wii etc until they fall asleep in the beds in his room or on their sleeping bags. Not a problem. We did let them use the spare room once but there was too much running across the landing in the middle of the night etc.
Now I do not find it acceptable for his girlfriend to fall asleep in his bedroom that now has a double bed.... and the spare room is not useable at the mo.

I have told him she can stay as late as possible but he has to see her safely on the train to go home as always (she lives in the next town).

Now Charlie is a good kid, and I had a minute of 'Oh Mum' but he hasn't asked since.
I'm quite sure her Mum wouldn't be keen either. Charlie stayed at a friends last Friday night for a party, and she wasn't allowed to go.
I dropped him off and he walked home, sending me a text at 6.45am to let me know he was alright.

Am I being too strict as I really don't think so?

My friend has a son the same age who regularly sleeps over with his girlfriend who is a year younger, and her parents are fine with it. She even said to me 'I don't know if he sleeps in a different room or in with her', well hello, aren't you the parent? Shouldn't you know these things and have also spoken to her parents to clarify?

I'm no old fogey but can remember my friends 13 yr old daughter having a tummy ache that turned into a baby one Christmas all because her Mum had let her go campinig with her 16 year old boyfriend.

Well, as I don't have kids of my own, my thoughts aren't as relevent, but...
To be honest, knowing what I got up to about that age (well a wee bit older, but still living at home)...if they want to do whatever, they will find a place and a way, whether you let her stop over or not.

Having said that, I wouldn't force it down their throats either and I would not have been happy for them to share a room. I would've been happy had the spare room been available. (in fact, without the spare room, I would still have said ok as long as one of them was willing to sleep on the settee or floor downstairs).

I would have had asked for his word that they wouldn't try 'sneaking around' in the middle of the night and would have trusted the promise if given....any evidence to the contrary and that would have been it - no more stop overs.

I don't know about this one having spent nights at a boyfriends house at 17, without my parents knowing. They didn't know because they would have said no.

At 16 they are consenting adults and if they are going to do anything they will do it regardless of whether his girlfriend sleeps over...where there's a will and all of that.

I'm wondering if there is a compromise that can be reached? I'm wondering what I will do in another few years when it's my son. I don't want him having to lie to me...as I did to my parents. They thought I was staying elsewhere. How about asking him to wait until there's somewhere for her to sleep? Or suggesting he sleeps on the sofa and she has his bed? And insisting on having a chat with her parents first???

Surely there could be a compromise? How about you say she can stay when the spare room is up and running???

Great minds......................

almost identical posts

Your teenage years sound distinctly like mine Ramble!!! I would tell my parents I was staying with a schoolfriend, when I was really staying at a boyfriends when I was around 17.

I don't think I would want them sleeping in the same bed in my house at that age, but I would do as Ramble has suggested - have a word with her parents and then let her stay over when the spare room is ready.

I don't think you are being too hard though - your house, your rules

Reading between the lines it would appear Hali was the same!!!

I agree, you don't want to make it in your face...but at the same time you don't want any lies being told. They are young adults and need to be treated as such, which is really easy for me to say at this moment but when it comes to it being my son's turn.

To be honest, your son sounds like a lovely, sensible young man so I would trust him,let her stay, but not in his room and see how it goes. Ultimately though, as Moobli says it's your house and your rules and if you are not comfortable with that then it doesn't happen...and that's fair enough. Explain your reasons to him and I am sure he will accept it (sounds like he has anyway as he hasn't mentioned it again!)

Personally i would let them share a room. You know thay are more than likely having sex anyway....

My Dad always said my BF couldnt stay over, one Xmas he let him (i was 27 lol) but the thought that they were in the house was so weird so all that went on in my room was sleping.

My parents stayed in my house on my wedding night.....similar situation!!!!!

yep! well, I never actually stopped overnight, either with or without consent, but that didn't stop us 'having fun'.

I do agree very much with the 'your house your rules' though - my Mum never allowed me to share a room with a boyfriend/partner until I was actually married and I accepted that.