Bullying

Hey i need some advice please guys.

Last term at school my 14 yr old daughter had big problems with some of the girls in her class bullying her. School were aware -but seem powerless to do anything about it. They have tried - and failed to keep these girls under control.

The problems became so bad that we had the common ''don't feel well mum, i don't want to go to school'' etc, and then my daughter said she wanted to move schools, we looked at all the local schools and decided that she would be better off staying where she was as the facilitys were better.
Anyway the problems go on and on and over the last couple of days these girls have been coming up to the park
on our street and 'waiting' for my daughter to go out. They have even send my 10 yr old son home with threatening messages to ''pass on'' to my daughter. The poor girl hasn't even been out for the last 2 days ''in case they're out there''.

Then this afternoon one of them knocked on the front door asking if my daughter was in.........i said yes she was in - but she doesn't want to see you (i know who they are), this girl went mad, shouting and swearing at me I was so disgusted by her foul mouth that i told her to go away cos i didn't want that language on my doorstep.
Does anyone know what i can do about this - its as if they just wont let up. In the mean time my daughter is too scared to go out and is refusing to return to school after the holidays.

If the girl is appearing on your doorstep and swearing at you, then it's time to get the police involved...it's no longer just a 'school matter'. It's threatening behaviour at the very least.

Start logging the incidents, including the ones where they are trying to get your son involved and report each one.

I really detest a bully, I've survived bullying but thankfully we lived way too far away from my school for them to do anything like that to me. There's nothing worse and it knocks your confidence for six, I still have trust issues but I'm working through them. Tell your daughter to try to keep her chin up, and remember that just cause they are giving her a hard time does not mean there is anything wrong with her, just means they are too stupid to think of anything constructive to do with their time.

Stay strong and remember to report each incident.

Have you yourself actually contacted the school? This does sound serious and to be honest, I've not long come out fo the education system and I don't think schools are exactly proactive about this sort of thing unless parents get involved. Ringing up is first, then if nothing is done, actually marching down there and asking to speak to her head of year or class tutor works far better than anything else.
If you make it very clear how serious an issue this is becoming for your daughter, they can bring suspension or expulsion into it, quite easily. And, for the incidents outside school, that can be taken up with the police as harrassment, especially if it continues. These girls don't exactly sound like charmers and might even have a reputation already where the law is concerned.
Your daughter can also consider changing her main class or form if the girls are in it, or so that she has more of her friends around her and feels safer at school.

I am sorry this is something she has had to deal with, teenagers can be the cruellest people in the world.

Very good advice, log every thing, no matter what. And report this to the Police as this is now an issue in the community.

Like LuckyPirate said, a lot of schools don't do all they should about bullying, so I would keep at them.

There is advice on the www.beatbullying.org or .com (cannot remember) website. It tells you where you stand legally and who has responsibility for addressing this in different circumstances.

Bullying is horrid and I hope that this is all sorted soon.

Hi, yes i've been up to school on several occassions, we had a big problem at the end of last term - they'd given my daughter a bad time that morning and normally there is a place for them (any pupil) to go if they have a problem or need a chat etc.........but it was closed, she went to talk to another teacher who really didn't have the time etc so my daughter thought nobody cared.........and walked out of school and home without anyone even noticing
I took her back to school and she was the one who got removed for lessons then when she felt better (later that day) she went back into lessons with these girls - who then started on at her again, so she lost her rag and threw a chair across the room She was then suspended

That school sounds about as good as mine was. They usually have a counselling place open one day a week or soemthing useless like that. As if bullying only happens on a Tuesday or soemthing!
Honestly, I think it's time to roll out the majorly furious Mother tactics (even if that's not your usual style!). My Mum did this when I was in a similar situation, and I was kind of embarassed at the time because she kicked up such a fuss, but she got results at the end of the day. Complain about every wrong that's been done; that your daughter got suspended, whereas the bullies are allowed to continue learning, that this has been allowed to continue so long and that the teacher did not have time to speak to her about it. That is really shocking. I don't care how busy a teacher is, if a student has a bullying problem, everything else should be dropped, because it takes a helluva lot of courage to ask for help and if they get knocked back, they might not ask again

Have you told them that you're considering changing schools? Even if it's not really an option for you, it might get them to realise the seriousness of the situation.

Unfortunately it is normally the victim that is 'dealt with' or excluded in some way. I would insist on a copy of their bullying policy - as they have to adhere to this. They have a lot more responsibility to addressing bullying than they are willing to tell you.

I would also tell them that you have considered moving schools.... but beware that some schools may encourage this, because then they don't need to do anything about it.

I am not sure what services you have in your area or how good they are, but if you have a connexions worker in the school, I would also speak to them. Down here they are very good - they cannot do anything about the bullying but can advise you on your rights, help you and your daughter deal with the affects of it and also can push the school to do something about it. Basically, it is somebody who can support you through this.

I really feel for you as I went through similar with my daughter when she started secondry school, although not as bad because they didn't come to the house.
If they had of done then I would have had the police out immeadietly.
I actually looked into home tutoring my daughter myself and didn't realise how easy it was to do it and I read lots of stories of how bullied children as well as those who's parents had done it from the beginning anyway, had really turned around and gone on to become very succesful and confident in life. Its more common than you think.
We didn't go down that route in the end as after getting nowhere with the school I spoke once more to the head of year and told him I was removing her to home tutor her and I was appalled that the school done nothing to the bullies at all or anything to help my daughter and I was going to get the local newspaper to reveal what really goes on there for bullied children. Well that was it she was offered the chance to move into another form away from them and where she had some friends. The bullies parents were bought in the school and my daughter was offered a place of sanctuary to go break times and lunchtimes with a couple of friends of her choice.
It all slowly subsided after that and because my daughter was not really around them it slowly stopped. She actually ended up quite popular in school.
It has left her very shy and her self esteem is low, but she has high hopes of becoming a barrister and is now doing a 3rd year at 6th form college before going onto uni. Socially she doesn't really go out which worries me a bit and doesn't interact much with friends, but she does have a lovely boyfriend who cares a lot for her.
I really hope you can find a solution for your daughter, this bullying does leave deep mental scars so it needs to be stopped by any means possible.

My son was punched in class while the teacher hid behind the desk - so I called the police. That made the school take action. They excluded the boy ... for 2 days.
I ended up having him work at home for most of his last year - and he had the best exam results in the whole year, which tells you something about the school.
I would get her transferred to another school, personally, as this school sound incapable of dealing with it. I`d go to the LEA and demand one. A letter from your GP will help.
If the school is allowing bullying, it is already in deep trouble and it will take a change of policy and possibly management to deal with it. In the meantime your daughter is suffering. All schools are not like this - a good Head makes a world of difference. Have a look round for a better school and vote with your feet.

Hi there, i really feel for you and what your daughter and you are going through,. This happend to my daughter (quite a few years ago) when this sort of thing was only just brought to the forfront, i persisted in contacting the school (every time there was an incident) it was when i was told they had delt withit by isolating my daughter at break times (spent on her own in a fenced of tennis court) i blew, i told them i was contacting their main body about their lack of intervention in dealing with this situation and also their unacceptable treatment of my daughter (fenced tennis court) also news papers and local tv if need be.
anyway ended agreeing to a meetiing with parents of bullies (requested by me). Only 3 turned up out of 6 (what a wast of time) and one of them addmitted she went through the same with her eldest daughter her's got to the point her daughter had her ponytail hacked of by her bullies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and when i asked her how she felt about her daughters bullying towards my daughter her reply was "well their just teenagers"????????????????? we ended up taking her out of school and she went back and sat her exam's. Have to say she grew up to be a very level headed woman and went on to carve a very good carrear for herself so schooling didnt turn out tobad. but the stress i went through i would not wish on anyone, in one word how i felt USELESS.
Call the police and log and keep everything that these girls do and pass on once out of school grounds it is no longer their prob (thats what we where told) and we reported every incident to the police, dont feel like you are being a bother by doing this you MUST keep on. good luck,

suex