Would really appreciate your opinions please (Updated at post 31)

I learnt yesterday when on the phone to my sister Gill that one of mums carers a daughter of the lady who owns the agency and the mum have asked our mum how old she is this year she is 90 and then found out when her birthday is when they got back too the office then rang her and told her they are taking her out.

We are very hurt and cross as we had been planning to take her out for a meal on her birthday.

We both feel this is unprofessional and they should of rang me first to make sure none of the family had anything planned for her. They have my number when mum was being awkward they rang me quick enough then.

Mum said today as she spoke to me about it and I told her I knew through Gill and how upset we both are that we could have either day either side and I said no she knows us well enough to know we would of been making plans and she could of said to these two that she had better check with us first that we had nothing planned. We both feel like we have been kicked in the teeth by both parties.

As Gill pointed out earlier this may be the last birthday we get with her most probably a milestone one anyway.

We do not feel we are being over sensitive but what do you think ?

By the way we will do something with her but it will not be the same.

Lovely idea, but surely the family come first! Yours plans should not be altered xxxx

Fancy arranging with your Mum, without asking you or Gill first

Like you say, this will probably be her last milestone birthday......

I'd be upset too *Hugs*

I can't see any malice having been intended - in one way isn't it lovely that her carers are so fond of her that they want to celebrate - good carers are hard to come by. I can see how ist is annoying/ disappointing too though.

We agree it is nice but not too just step in and take her birthday surely they would of realized we would of been planning something as she is 90 and she has 4 children

Yes you are right good carers are hard too come by and no malice was intended but this is rudeness not checking with us first or thats how Gill and I see it.

We are also very hurt as we are the two that have always planned her surprises and we are a bit put out that she didn't think we would this time and she would rather spend her birthday with her carers Gill and I do everything when she is ill or had a bad fall as said this may well be her last milestone birthday we would of liked to celebrate it with her.

Really I do think the carers should have checked with you first.

Would it be too much for your mum if she had a meal out with you ( and family) and then had a little tea a good few hours later that the carers could provide? If it isn't too much for her, I would talk to the carers and suggest it .
That way, everyone would get to share her day.

I'm with you Lynn, I don't think this is on.
I also think it could be seen as unprofessional to get this close to a client.

In theory if our carers did that they could face a disciplinary.
We discouarge carers visiting clients in their own time, as that would be, as it can cause problems.
1. Clients can become reliant to carers.
2. If anything happens they are not covered insurance wise and could open a can of worms.
3. Families can often become upset.
The list goes on. Plus as carers you are opening yourself up to allsorts by doing that.

It may all seem petty, but as I alwys try to explain there are good reasons for these guidelines.

Caring is a profession. We try so hard to get away from the 'home help' tag. Being professional is about caring for the client, helping them remain as independent as possible.... not getting personally involved in their lives.

It is a discipliary if chldren, animals or other family members are taken to see clients too.

Yes they seem good carers, but sometimes those ones can cause the most problems when they start to blur their home and professional life.
I could give loads of examples.

As for the birthday, last year I went to a huge 90th birthday and us carers were invited as we sometimes are to parties. But we would never take a client out on our own like that, so I can understand why you are upset.

One thing though. Did your Mum know your were planning something for definite, or has Mum been telling the carers nothing is being done as I am sure they will have asked. She may have said 'No, nothing planned that i know of' and so they've thought 'we can't have that' and have done this because of that?
Just a thought.

Most annoying Lynn. I would be mega-miffed and would make them cancel their arrangements in favour of your own. Family comes first.

x0x

I would be most unhappy if that was my mum. I would have a word with her carers they have no right to be making arrangements for such a milestone without checking with you first.