Missing my mum...

Sorry to use this forum to have a bit of a moan, I'm just really REALLY missing my mum!

She died in November 2004 in my arms, it was sudden and although she was ill, unexpected.

I sang and spoke at her funeral, and tonight for the first time in about 2 years I listened to the song I sang at her funeral, "To Where You Are" - Josh Groban.

Its an amazing song, we had already discussed that she wanted me to sing it at her funeral the year before she died as she was so ill and we'd had so many scares!!!!

My mum was an incredible woman, she was beautiful beyond belief, with the most incredible sense of humour, everyone loved her, she lit up any room she walked into. I feel like I'm the only one who thinks of her, as her family unfortunately were all gits, nothing like her at all, and since her death have cut me off pretty much. Made my life hell, my grandmother prior to her death told me that my mother hated me when she died - I know this wasn't true, we'd had a rough patch prior to her death as I'd moved in with my ex Tracy and she couldn't deal with it, but we had made up and had the most perfect evening prior to her death, it was me she called for as she died, and it was me who was holding her and watched her take her last breath.

I think I just wanted to say, that I miss her, and if I become a fifth of the woman she was, I'll be so grateful. I hope I haven't let her down.

I miss her so much, I can't wait to see her again!
Thank you for reading!!!!

Aww, what a sad post, I can only imagine how it must feel to lose your mum, and for her to die in your arms. Its natural that you would miss her but to have to lose her in such a way is just awful.

I'm sure she is looking down on you from above and so pleased that you have managed to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and get on with starting a new life.

Big hugs for you, I'm thinking of you. xxx

No wonder you are missing your mum, she sounds like she was a wonderful person. Don't worry what others say, you were there for her at the end and as it was you she was calling for that says it all. You certainly haven't let her down quite the opposite, I am sure she is looking down at you now and feeling very proud of her daughter.

Thank you both, I can't tell you how much that means. I hope you're right. I haven't quite lived up to her expectations of what she would have liked me to have done with my life - but then again, I don't think she would have thought I would have become so ill so young (I have the same thing that she had and that her father had before, and unfortunately its a very bitter condition). I just love her so much, we were literally best friends and sometimes even though its nearly three years later, I can't believe she's gone.

Lorna, I can't possibly see where you might have let your dear mum down. Please don't think like that. She loved you dearly, of that I have no doubt xox

Thank you Vicki, I appreciate that! Unfortunately, I think I have, she died knowing I was living with another woman, and then I quit University. All of my friends are now either in high flying jobs, getting married, or studying for a post graduate degree. I'm so annoyed at myself, so I daren't think what she would think. When I was at school I was the music scholar, the dance captain, and an oxbridge candidate. Now I'm quite literally, nothing. Its so frustrating, I'd give the world for a cuddle from her

Hun to your mum you will always be her daughter no matter what you do in life, she will always love you for you, so dont think like that
I have done things that may have not been what my mum expected, but at the time I was happy so she let me live my life as I wish as Im a grown women, even if that ment falling out for a while at the time
You have been so stronge through such hard times, with practically no support if any from family, which takes a very special person
Dont think of the things you haven't done in your life, think of the things you can still do, Im sure your mum is looking down on you and is proud of what a amazing thoughtful stronge daughter she has

Thank you, I am trying to do as much as I can that would make her proud. I am planning to do more stuff for charity, while I still can. I love my mum so much. I think I'm finding things hard because I'm missing everything from my past, its hard to move forward when you know that your happiest times are behind you - I know this to be true, I can't get back the fun and incredible times I had with mum!

Sorry everyone, I don't mean to be so miserable!

Darling, just being you will make her proud xxxxx

Thank you, that was one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me xx