Hi Lynne

Just caught up on this thread, you are absolutley doing the right thing, 3 main reasons imo:
1 you could do your mum a serious injury, I have nursed patients who have broken their neck of femur (the bone from your hip to your knee, the neck of femur is up at the top) as a result of this which can cause massive problems as she would become completley immobilised, you have obviously thought of this and quite rightly taken a stand to stop it, please stick to your guns, as much as your mum wants her day out there are other ways to provide it as some of the members are saying.
2 Secondly by struggling everytime you see your mum the time you spend with her is a chore for you when you should be enjoying time with her, if she finds appropriate transport you can have some quality time with her.
3 you could do yourself a serious injury!

Hope you feel better soon, it is so hard in situations like this xx

I will thank you.

You are so right the time has come to make another stand as unpopular as I become because of it.

Things do become a chore which is such a shame as she hasn't many years left and it would be nice to spend whatever time is left for it to be nice rather than at loggerheads.

Hi Lynn, I have just caught up with your thread aswell. You are doing the right thing, dispite it being unpopular, it is a known fact that people who care for their love ones, when needed they lose their love for them, because you are doing the caring, and then the guilt sets in, so stand up and say how it makes you feel, and donLt give in, you want to enjoy theses last years with your Mum, not resent it, because it's a chore. There are so many other options out there re. Transporting of the disabled person these days. Good Luck, Gayle. Xxx

Thank you Gayle.

OMG your situation is like a carbon copy of what my mum has to put up with. Mums brother has power of attorney over her money too and he does nothing for her my mum does it all (my nan is 92 and still living at home with the help of carers and my mum) and my nan think the sun shines out of his backside and she doesn't appreciate anything my mum does for her

Unfortunately people get very selfish when they get older, almost reverting back to children i think

No advice but sending you lots of hugs to you Lynn it must be so hard

Thank you. My sympathies to your mum.

Problem is because I have done everything for years and still do a lot but not nearly as much as I did I can see the problems she has and wish something would be done about them for her safety and mine and my sisters peace of mind. So we are always in the bad books we do not understand apparently and when I take a stand about not doing something for the reasons I feel are for her safety and my peace of mind of course I am the horrible one.

The boys keep cooing you don't have to leave this house we won't make you go where you don' want to go. I hope she gets her wish and is carried out of the house in a box but what happens when she becomes ill or has another bad fall and she is then not allowed back to the house the boys won't be able to do a thing about it.

Its hard but I feel she does need to know what will happen if a) b) or c) happens which it will do.

Can you get a carer into her at least twice a day. I know its difficult but I can understand she doesn't want to leave her home. Most know everything is failing and if they give up thier home they feel they have lost thier fight for life and any independence. If the care via carers could be upped to 2 or 3 times a day it may enable her to be able to stay in her home and take the pressure off all of you.
You don't need to use a care firm who charge the earth there are plenty of good caring people out there who have experience and who would love the hours for extra money and would then be able to build up a good rapport and relationship with your mum so she had someone she could build a bond with and feel secure with.

Oh I feel for you Lynn, been there myself, and they go like dead weights don't they when you're trying to manouvre them, especially into that car with your back bent over, you'll be doing yourself an injury that's for sure.

When my mum had her fractured hip, then her broken hip, let alone that broken ankle, the worst for me was the lifting of her, on and off that commode (that's Jeanette's forte isn't it, she's the commode queen!!!).

If the brother who has that power of attorney, try and make sure it's the "enduring" power of attorney (I think I'm right in remembering that's what I had?), which means he can take over with any decision making, even as to where she goes for care if needed, power at the hospital (oh how valuable that one is!), as it's not just her finances.

I don't know how she copes on her own at home now, she sounds like she's got quite bad after those falls, and I wish she'd see sense and get herself into some little warden assisted place or somewhere, we she can have round the clock assistance, especially if she falls, it's just not fair on everybody else imo, but then, that's just what my mum was like

I found the Liasons Officer very, very helpful indeed for anything I needed to know about, and I think she comes through the Help the Aged people? What about if she moved in with one of your brothers, any chance of that? He'd be able to get the help he needed, which of course, she'd have to pay for, but at least he'd be on hand, but they probably don't want to do they, or she wouldn't want to go. I know what they're like, they want to keep that independence to the day they die, they just don't realise how fragile they are, let alone how incapable!

A big worry, bless her heart, she's a ripe old age now isn't she, but she's going to take some persuading I'm sure. You've already got that specialist on your side, maybe he can send somebody round to hers to have a nice long chat over a cuppa and try and make her see sense perhaps?

Maybe suggest she forks out for the wheelchair access vehicle if she doesn't want to just be pushed around in the local area? She'll soon change her mind then won't she if she's gone a bit on the tight side. Oh I don't envy you Lynn, I know how worrying it all is for you, and when I look back myself, I just don't know how I did half the things I did for my dear old mum. Now she gives me no trouble coz she's sitting on the mantlepiece alongside the horse, coz we haven't quite decided where to take her yet!

All the very best Lynn, always a worry for us daughters, especially the caring ones like you and Gill.xxxxx

Bev we have cut back the carers as they didn't do things the way she wanted and I was always having to ring up and ended up in rows with them.

I am afraid this care firm has the monopoly on the area where she lives. It is 6 of one 1/2 dozen of the other. So I now do the cooking my younger of the two brothers does the housework and she has a gardner and a carer for a shower twice a week and to take her into the town on a Friday. She also feels she shouldn't spend her money on these things in the past year she has become a nightmare.

I end up getting irate with her over it so now have learnt to back off shut it out and leave her be in her own little world nature now has to take its course. Hard as it may sound.

Thanks Helena. Peace and quiet lovely.