Can I have your feedback please.

I am feeling very guilty this morning well I was yesterday too but I feel I have had to do what I have done.

Mum was 91 in May and is struggling badly with getting around now but will not move out of the house although she has been advised by her Consulatant of over 16 years to do so into a one level flat with 24 hour care.

She has a stair lift and a wet room now because of her disabilities and has had these some years.

I take her every 3-4 months for a check up regards her Sarcoidosis and have done this for over 16 years with her this is the same Consultant who wants her to move. She now has severe bone thinning and muscle wastage which is one of the reasons she can just about walk now. The other reason being she fell badly about 3 years ago one of many falls in her lifetime particularly her later years that badly smashed the left hand side of her body.

Due to this it is now very difficult to get her into and out of the car I have to physically manhandle her legs to make them go into the car she then falls sort of sideways and has to stay more or less where she falls till we arrive at our destination. So this means 4 times in the space of one afternoon it is becoming difficult for me physically and as you can imagine mentally having to do this as all the time she is groaning with pain.

I spoke to her Tuesday telling her I was going to write to the Consultant explaining I cannot do it anymore it is to upsetting and I do not know what damage I am doing into the bargain. She said the boys do it to take me out in fairness it is once in a blue moon for them and the carer takes her out on Friday at mums insistence.

When Gorden and Mark brought her over for her birthday last month it is a long time since Gorden put her in the car he said it is like abusing her physically forcing her legs into the car as she cannot make them do it herself. So I wrote to the Consultant explaining my worries and that I am not comfortable anymore doing this so can she have a GP visit every 3-4 months at home and they can liaise if they feel her Prednisilone needs upping or downing or she will need to go in an ambulance with a ramp so she is in the wheelchair from door to door except for a possible examinition if he feels she needs one.

Of course now I am the bad one again and feeling guilty because she feels she is being done out of a day out. When the weather is good I sometimes take her for a walk in her chair and I feel this is the better way now for her and me.

Just wondered what you guys felt am I being mean ?

To cut a long story short no, however have you actually been trained in manual handling by anyone and how to get her into and out of the car properly?

The other option is of course to change your car to accept wheelchair or hire a wheelchair taxi.

There are also schemes where volunteer drivers come out.

Are any of the above an option?

I think you are absolutely right.
People don`t like changes to their routine but this one is unavoidable, and in her best interests.
Are there any voluntary groups or taxi firms in your area with wheelchair-accessible transport who could help with outings occasionally?
I`m sure she will get used to the visit or short walk instead of the car trip.

Thank you both for your input.

SB & C&D no I have not been trained and this is one of my concerns. A taxi may be a possibility she has plenty of money but has this thing now where she refuses to spend it even down to cutting back on her care she recently fell and cut her head open badly and my sister and I feel very strongly it has had an advese effect on her too with her reasoning and thinking things through properly.

Hadn't thought of the voluntary organisations will take a look and see if there are any in her area.

It may not be appropriate yet, but have you researched an enduring power of attorney.............

Lynn I know exactly where your at and it isnt easy believe me, if someone here gets wind of the fact I'm out on a days training he suddenly becomes very ill look into enduring power of attorney I think it cost us about £300 but it does make things easier.

Thinking of you Lynn x

Morning,i can totally emphasise with you as my mum(who has now gone)was in a similiar position,i ended up getting a wheel char access car,although she wasnt entitled to a disablement funding,,but there should be several groups thta could provide transport,ie,,Dial-a-ride,they will collect and return to anywhere and its cheaper then a taxi.However i know that my local hospital does volunteer pick ups,there should be other services that are gp related,check with your local health service and your gp again,if you whent with her then she wouldnt be missing out on your company,which it would seem this is what its about..and patience,patience and more patience.and remember sometimes you cant do everything and she will have to compromise as long as she spends a nice time with you some other time then this could be your answer....hope you get some help,i know how difficult this is....

I agree totally with SB---you need a taxi so she can stay in her chair. That is what Rusty's ex owner now does. Maybe look into the costs and present her with them.

Pete uses it to go out to lunch and do hospital visits for his eyes and ears. He was awful and grumpy about it until after he had done it once. Perhaps she would feel the same?

rune

No haven't done so not sure what that is about to be honest. My eldest brother who actually does very little has power of Attorney over her bank account and mone related matters.

Thank you Jeanette. I do a lot less than I did as I have had to take a step back with regards to my health etc., but she is just so stubborn and everything is about her. Her reaction to this was I don't mind you pushing and pulling my legs and I came back with no you might not but I do.

A lot of things indoors now Gill and I have to turn a deaf ear too and blind eye otherwise we end up screaming inwardly.
I often think about you and how things are and how you are managing. X
Thank you I will look into dial a ride see if it is available in her area.

Hello

I have no advice or suggestions but I do feel for you. The suggetsion of ring and ride is a good one I think.