Living With OCD

I've attempted to file my thoughts on living with OCD many times before today. Mainly for my own benefit, as it helps to look in from the outside sometimes,and there are few better ways than to read back what you have written. However, each attempt has failed for one reason or another. Often because I feel it comes across as too "whiny", other times because I feel that words alone sometimes just can't do it justice.

Since an early age, I've lived with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), and, over the years, I've learned to accommodate it into my life, as opposed to the other way around. In fact, in some ways, I can see it as helpful, and even, on occasion, funny.

I should start by saying that in comparison to some people, I have got off very lightly. Indeed, I have a friend with OCD who makes me look like I don't have it at all. Even my Sister has it worse than I. That in itself is a curious notion that I'll come to.

For those who don't know, OCD, at least in my case, means I can't tolerate such things as, for example, the sugar, tea, and coffee pots being the wrong way around, slightly out of line, or out of their "correct" order. For me, it has to be, from left to right, Sugar, Tea, Coffee. That is the correct order. If I see car registration plates, I remember them for life, and so have learned not to look at them, as if I do, I start doubling the numbers and letters in them for hours at a time. One example is the registration plate "T502 KMV", which is the plate I happened to see some six years ago when first visiting my partner's house. Believe me, I go to great lengths not to view them.

When my partner first visited my home, I was called out to work, and as soon as I returned, I did my usual, what I call "snap-shotting". That is where I take a snapshot of the room when I return, and compare it to the snapshot I took of how it was when I last saw it. I almost heard her run, as I asked why she had had the ceiling fan on, as I could see that the blades had moved. When I go to new places, I have to count everything, from plants in the room, to ceiling tiles, to chairs, and in the case of my local GP surgery, the posters in the waiting room. Then, on my next visit, I have to compare the snapshots again, and "re synch" and work out which posters are new, and which have been removed.

I'd forgive you if, after reading the above, you thought I must wander around like Rain Man or something. Trust me, I really don't. I doubt for a moment that if we met, you'd even know that I did any of the above. The fact is that the entire process doesn't take long enough for people to even realise. It happens in seconds. You would also think that I should excel at maths too wouldn't you? I suck at maths - big time.

My partner, bless her, has learned to use my OCD in a light-hearted manner. "Make us a drink", she will state. "I'm all comfy now." I will reply. So she will just throw a sock or something onto the floor, in the full knowledge that I will have to get up and move it. Them women are cunning beasts you know.

Earlier, I mentioned my Sister. My Sister's OCD is more germ-based than mine. She is an out and out obsessive cleaner. Nothing will ever be clean enough for her, no matter how many hours she spend on it.

You might think then that my Sister and I must have learned it from our parents? Can't be. We didn't grow up together. We were only reunited about three years ago, after not seeing each other since being wee bairns. So it's either pure coincidence, or it can indeed be inherited. To be honest, I don't think either of us care where it came from. When you start looking at it that closely, you really do start to let it rule you.

The art, I have discovered, is to let it work for you as much as is possible. To deny you have it is fruitless and silly. I distinctly recall an amusing episode where I had to visit a psychologist about it. She asked "Do YOU think you have OCD?". I, of course, stated, "No, I don't think so", whilst at the same time, moving a magazine on the table that sat between us, as it wasn't aligned correctly with the edges of the table. So, really, anyone with OCD can't deny they have it, as with the best will in the world, it shows itself to anyone who is observant enough to be looking in the first place.

So what made me write about my OCD now? Well, actually, it's my dog. A couple of days ago, I wrote about how my dog has started to gnaw at her feet and chase her tail. Something that is often attributed to OCD in dogs. So then, of course, I started to question whether I've passed my condition on inadvertently to my dog. I know, it sounds crazy, but dogs watch us far more than we watch them. If I show signs on OCD, what's to stop her from picking up those signs too? OK I don't chase my tail, at least no more than any other man, and I don't find my feet in the least bit tasty but...

If I sit and really think about it, I don't actually believe that I have, and for the time being at least, I'm sticking to my theory that, for whatever reason, Blondi is just feeling particularly stressed at the moment. More likely as a result of being flooded with all the new signals and training that she had had to adjust to since we took her on in May. It can't be easy in the least bit, especially for a dog who, before we rescued her, was left outside to fend for herself.

So there you have it. If you do comment on this entry, please be sure to place your commas, semi-colons, and full stops in all the right places.

That was interesting. I don't know anyone with OCD and it was good to get an OCD sufferers view on living with it.

I think I might have a mild form of it! When I come home from shopping (or anywhere where I might 'touch' something!) I make sure the first thing I do is wash my hands! I won't touch Rocky until my hands are clean as I don't want to pass any bugs I picked up from the shopping trolly bars to him either. I thought I was a bit mad! Glad to know I'm not the only one Tell your sister I don't like germs either, well not other peoples! I don't mind my own mess, but can't bear other peoples - hence every house we have moved into has had the kitchen and bathroom overdosed in bleach!

I have watched numerous TV programmes about OCD ... I feel such empathy for the people who suffer from it , and their families of course.

I believe Rainman was an autistic savant though ..was OCD part of that?

You're right, Rain Man was indeed a savant. I just had visions of people associating my obsessive counting with autistic-like counting. It's simply not the same. Mine is done in what must be microseconds, and quietly in my head.

Daughter, Sister and I count ....everything We always have a giigle about it. My mother used to count things and when she read Maureen Lipmans autobiography, she found that she and HER mother counted as well

Does it get frustrating for you? You know remembering things like number plates and what's changed in a room etc

I think I have a form of it in the fact I keep checking whether doors are locked and I KNOW they are locked and still keep pressing the handle to check again - it can take me up to 1/2 hr to get to bed at night sometimes because I have to check again. I used to do it with light switches too and taps. I still do it with taps to some degree - I know they are off but still have to get out of bed again to check.

Both my sister and I suffer from OCD too, albeit very mildly compared to you and your sister. Mine is just like a milder version of your own, and my sister is like your sister, with the obsessive cleaning and tidying.

I also know 2 friends of mine suffered with OCD as children, but not so much now as adults.

So yes, I totally understand where you are coming from.

In response to Naomi's question, about it getting frustrating. It's quite rare now that it does. For example, I've almost just sort of learned to look at a car, without seeing the registration plate enough to see the letters and numbers.

With regards to the room changes, I really barely notice it now. If it was a case of things taking minutes or hours to "compute" I guess it would be far more frustrating. But really, I can't emphasise enough how quickly it all takes place. If things have moved, then obviously it takes longer to re-synch everything again, but even then, it's still no longer than a minute or two.

However, if I am unlucky enough to catch a car reg plate or something, then yes, that can be supremely irritating. Chances are that I won't be able to sleep that night, until I've doubled the number and letter combinations so much that I just "crash out". Going a couple of days without sleep is nothing new to me, that's for sure.

The body and the brain have a remarkable capacity to just adapt, and if mine never adapted to OCD more than they have now, I could happily live with it as is.