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Location: Norf Eest
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19-05-2009, 08:38 PM
To think it and actually do it is another thing entirely and lacks control of the individual which I believe is due to environment, although both are very wrong. JMO.
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Location: In a land far, far away
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19-05-2009, 08:40 PM
Originally Posted by CheekyChihuahua 
Vicki, I don't know how you have coped. Seriously. I know I would probably do time if a man (or a woman), whoever he/she was, were to be inappropriate with my kids. There's no excuse for it. Never! To have it done by your Partner though, that's a double whammy. I hope your Daughter doesn't suffer the way my friend has (it was her Brother). It truly ruins lives. I think the problem for my friend was that her Brother denied it and the whole family split in two. The bad feeling has gone on for years and I think the Brother actually feels she's ruined his life by exposing what he did! It's really weird to get your head round
I just know that anyone that has been abused needs so much understanding. At least your Daughter has you, like my friend had her Mum, who stuck by her through thick and thin
Think of the poor kids whose families don't believe it when their kids say they've been abused. That must be sooooooo much worse for the child
The relationship between her and I is very fragile, to say the least, as she blames me in part.
As I said, he has a lot to answer for....
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Location: w
Joined: Feb 2005
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19-05-2009, 08:40 PM
Originally Posted by CheekyChihuahua
Vicki, I don't know how you have coped. Seriously. I know I would probably do time if a man (or a woman), whoever he/she was, were to be inappropriate with my kids. There's no excuse for it. Never! To have it done by your Partner though, that's a double whammy. I hope your Daughter doesn't suffer the way my friend has (it was her Brother). It truly ruins lives. I think the problem for my friend was that her Brother denied it and the whole family split in two. The bad feeling has gone on for years and I think the Brother actually feels she's ruined his life by exposing what he did! It's really weird to get your head round
I just know that anyone that has been abused needs so much understanding. At least your Daughter has you, like my friend had her Mum, who stuck by her through thick and thin Think of the poor kids whose families don't believe it when their kids say they've been abused. That must be sooooooo much worse for the child
similar situation to the one i am aware of and sadly he was never prosecuted because it was his word against hers and then the family didnt tell the rest of the family, 10 years later in a fairly weird discussion it comes out that he did it with another family member who could have corroberated the first abused story and for him to be prosecuted. He meanwhile has gone on to have a baby girl with the new wife who knows nothing about it, and still no prosecution as still not enough evidence as so long ago..
pathetic isnt it, he has got away with it completely and still in utter denial!!
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Location: w
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19-05-2009, 08:42 PM
Originally Posted by Vicki
I'm afraid it ruined her life - she was only 12, and now at 37 she still can't move on despite counselling.
The relationship between her and I is very fragile, to say the least, as she blames me in part.
As I said, he has a lot to answer for....
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Location: n/a
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19-05-2009, 08:45 PM
Originally Posted by Vicki
I'm afraid it ruined her life - she was only 12, and now at 37 she still can't move on despite counselling.
The relationship between her and I is very fragile, to say the least, as she blames me in part.
As I said, he has a lot to answer for....
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Location: In a land far, far away
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 41,933
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19-05-2009, 08:45 PM
My poor daughter had to endure going over and over and over it. I am convinced now that this just traumatised her further.
At the end of the counselling "he" was declared cured.
We all moved back home....... 6 months later he started again. My daughter never told me as she didn't want to go through it all again (and who can blame her) but because we all moved back in together she blames me.
I think I have her silence to thank for the fact that I'm not doing time, but at a tremendous cost to us both, relationship-wise.
She finally told me 8 years ago.......
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Location: w
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19-05-2009, 08:47 PM
Originally Posted by Vicki
In my case "he" spent two weeks on remand in Brixton Prison protected under Rule 42. That was the extent of the punishment. He was released providing he attended counselling at the Maudsley Hospital (famous) which we all did for weeks.
My poor daughter had to endure going over and over and over it. I am convinced now that this just traumatised her further.
At the end of the counselling "he" was declared cured.
We all moved back home....... 6 months later he started again. My daughter never told me as she didn't want to go through it all again (and who can blame her) but because we all moved back in together she blames me.
I think I have her silence to thank for the fact that I'm not doing time, but at a tremendous cost to us both, relationship-wise.
She finally told me 8 years ago.......
(((hugs))))
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Location: n/a
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19-05-2009, 08:52 PM
Originally Posted by Brundog
similar situation to the one i am aware of and sadly he was never prosecuted because it was his word against hers and then the family didnt tell the rest of the family, 10 years later in a fairly weird discussion it comes out that he did it with another family member who could have corroberated the first abused story and for him to be prosecuted. He meanwhile has gone on to have a baby girl with the new wife who knows nothing about it, and still no prosecution as still not enough evidence as so long ago..
pathetic isnt it, he has got away with it completely and still in utter denial!!
Actually it's damned scary. How many of these people are out there, taking childrens' innocence and putting a cloud over the rest of their lives. I can't bear the thought of it happening to my kids. I know I'm a pain to them but I think better safe than sorry. I just don't trust people until I know them very well. However, reading this thread, how do you really know ever. It obviously must be so hard to tell what's in their minds
Actually, I have a cousin that I find very creepy. When we go to family parties, I watch him like a hawk. I feel bad inside, as I have absolutely no firm reason to not trust him but I just don't. He's just over-friendly and I just don't trust. It's bad I know. I've never said about my feelings to anyone but my OH (who thinks I'm way off the mark). It's sad that we have to be so careful because of some selfish people
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