Lorna, reading your posts remind me so much of what my sisters husband did to her. They had been married for about 15 years I think, (I've lost track of time recently), had one daughter who is now 12 and they had tried for years and years to have another baby by any means possible, but it wasn't to be.

One day, about 22 months ago, my sister thought that something was wrong with him and asked him if he was ok. Like a bolt out of the blue he told he that he no longer loved her and wanted a divorce. She cried her eyes out, we all cried our eyes out, her twin brother is married to one of the most evil women we know and they are always arguing, had it been them we would have totally believed it but my sister and her hubby, no way on this earth could it be true.

Anyway, she threw him out of the house, it transpired that he earned almost twice as much as he had told her, had run up debts of thousands of pounds but, by far the worse thing he could do was - she found out she was pregnant, a miracle as it had happened naturally - he told he to get rid of it. She said it was that moment that her love turned to hatred.

She is now divorced, has more money and a better social life than she ever had being married to him, and the best thing of all, she has a baby son to go with her daughter.

What I'm trying to say is, no matter how much you love somebody, you cannot make them love you back, so try to find something to dislike about them, this will make you stronger and help you to get over it, and you will, my sister and others here on Dogsey are living proof of that.

I wish you all the luck in the world in changing your life back for the better.

Sheree x

Thank you all again for your lovely messages of support, I really feel better when I read your words of encouragment. I was so weak today, I haven't left yet, I couldn't, I found our holiday photos and i was really upset! But then I went out with Tracy's best friend, I thought I'd managed to find a way through to Tracy, as her best friend is on my side, but then Tracy wouldn't even talk to her.

Anyway, she came home, and I was being nice and spoke to her, and she was hateful to me. I love her, but I can't keep feeling this! So hopefully I'll feel stronger 2moro and be able to leave. Although I had a black out today, so I'm scared of driving.... its such a dreaful place to be! Yet now we're not talking about us, she's being lovely! SO strange, I give up!

Maybe in a few months time, it'll be different! I hope so, I'd love to think we'd be able to work it out, but I doubt that will really happen again, I won't be moving up here anymore, I can't keep running around hoping she'll love me. xx

Like I've said babe, don't let her walk over you. You are worth so much more than she treats you as.

I know you're madly in love with her but please don't go running back to her as soon as she clicks her fingers. You're welcome to stay with us for as long as it takes and I'll do my best to take your mind off things

You know I'm always here for you as are so many people here. You really are worth your weight in gold sweetheart, please don't let her make you think otherwise.

And remember, my mum's your 'adopted mum' and she'll do her best while you're here

Keep your chin up sweet xx

Thats one good thing about all this Lottie, I get to come to stay with you!!!!

I love you to bits, you've been amazing! Thank you so much sweetheart! xxxxxxxx

She's being defensive because she does like you, she enjoys being with you but she doesn't love you.

She probably doesn't want to feel like this, but if she doesn't love you, she can't and leading you on in the relationship would be wrong.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning her being with her ex, but it probably explains why she's being defensive and nasty, it's the way some people cope with it. She shouldn't, but it's natural, especially if she wants you to stop loving her.

I know, I think deep down she is still in love with me, but I think she's just fed up. I don't blame her, I am too, but I wanted to fix it, not forget it!

xx

Just caught up with all this

Lorna, you deserve to be with someone who honours the commitments they make to you. This woman is behaving in the most despicable way, and while I hope she lives to regret it, I also hope you will never expose yourself to this kind of abuse from her again, however much she begs you to forgive her. The sooner you get out of that house the better - what you need is to be around people who want to support you (I expect Lottie will do very nicely!!! )

Losing love is the worst feeling. Getting over it makes you so much stronger. You can't know how long it'll take to feel right again, but it will certainly happen, and will probably sneak up on you when you're not looking. One day you'll see this episode as the beginning of a happier life - in the meantime look after yourself, and don't give yourself a hard time for grieving.

Biggest hugs, Jenny

which is ok and turn it around even if you fix it for now, doesn't mean it won't happen again at some point.
you have seen another side of her and the way she can be very hurtful to you.
ask yourself is this something you will and can live with?

i think shes being defencive bcoz shes trying to shift the blame,
shes been seeing some1 else,thats that,
its always easier to blame sum1 else.
my ex did the same to me.
eventually,2months l8r he did call me,c wot i was up to,
it must of not worked out with his ex,
but i thought,i wasnt good enough 4 him then,so hows it going to be ne different now.
i plucked up the courage and told him where to go,im better than that.

although it hurt,i still wanted to be with him,it also felt great,i could let go.
the longer you let her walk over you the longer she will do it,then in turn the harder it will be 4you to leave.
dont leave it aslong as i did,you are better than that hun.
listen to lotti x

Quote from your post "Yet now we're not talking about us, she's being lovely! SO strange, I give up! " Unquote

Hi Lorna, I'm so glad you're still around, I was worried you had up and gone without telling us!

Anyway, what you have written above, I'm sorry to have to say, is because you are being nice, SHE thinks you're ok about it all now and have accepted it, and that's the only reason she's being nice. If you started mentioning the "us" part again, you mark my words, she'll turn all funny again!!! So, don't be fooled by her sudden change of heart, it's only because she thinks you're leaving. She is being very cruel indeed playing with your emotions like this.

Let's hope you're stronger, both mentally and physically to make that long journey tomorrow, to somewhere you feel wanted and loved, away from her mixed up emotions. Please keep us informed of your plans on here, otherwise we'll only sit and worry about you if you just vanish!! I hope you have a laptop to take with you so you can still chat to us when you've moved?

You take good care of yourself, worrying and stress is not good for your health at the moment, and don't be taken in by her change of attitude, it's still for her own selfish reasons.xx