I know how you feel - no-one would say anything when it happened in our family, they tiptoed round it all the time because the were frightened of the repercussions and he would go back and tell the SIL everything and that made things worse.

Its a pity your brother doesn't realise he is depriving his child of a relationship with his grandparents seeing as he is so determined in his quest for "perfect parenting" - not that such a thing exists !

All i can say is let them get on with it - they'll need your mum before she'll need them. I know its painful as she wants to see her grandson but she must try not to cave in.

They have brought "grandparents rights" in since it happened to my family but i hope they will see sense and you don't have to go down that road.

Hope things improve soon

Thankyou,they do indeed seem to think they are performing "perfect parenting" yet dont realise how and what they are doing wrong.

My mum has alot on her plate as my Granny isnt well and my disabled younger brother has been in and out of hospital and it seems my older brother just cares about himself !

With all that is taking up your Mum's time plus you being pregnant could he be worrying about being side lined??? Too old to carry on like that but a friend of mine has a father who always waits until she has a lot on her plate before kicking off as if they are afraid they will be left out

sadly no he is just selfish.

I really dont think he is even that aware of whats going on as just isnt interested in anything unless it benefits him.

he never calls to find out how I am etc, I speak to my SIL but probably only because we both have the kids.

He is just very selfish allround.

I'm sorry he didn't come around, Dani but very glad you all had a lovely Mother's Day. I hope your mum enjoyed her day, especially with everything else going on.

We had my mum and dad around - it's my mum's birthday as well as Mother's Day so I made a buffet lunch and Carys helped me make chocolate brownies.

This is a tough one for you. I had a similar experience, it was mainly my sister in law who was the problem and my brother went along with it. Honestly I wouldnt say anything as it may cause bad feeling, worst case scenario everyone falls out and you dont get to see the little one as much as you would like as a result.

On the other hand they are being unreasonable about the babysitting and may have just got themselves a bit obsessed with the babys routine. Especially if its their 1st child - Maybe your mum could try and talk to your brother?

Hope it works out ok.

aawwwhhhh it gets better.

They didnt come round, but did text ,my mum to say they didnt want to stop her seeing their grandchild and asking if they would babysit this sunday..... which they have agreed to do.,
My mum emailed them to say she was sorry for shouting at him on phone etc previously which was when he told her to stick the original plans , and she said that they really feel they were being reasonable in their request, so dont understand why it all needs to get so out of hand.

My brother replied with the most ridiculous accusations:

One of which being that they dont find some things my mum talks about amusing at all and quite worrying: basically it was my mum told them that my dad was looking after Luca( my son) one day and fell asleep in front of the tv - my mum took a photo as she thought it was cute as they were cuddled up on the sofa together,

Also another time Luca got out the front door of the house when my Dad was looking after him ( dad was in the hall and Luca made a bolt for it - got as far as the car and was told off)

My brother managed to combine the two and suggested that my dad fell asleep whilst looking after L and he got out the front door... so total fabrication - basically suggesting that they could not do this with A ??? I mean what planet is he on getting off accusing my parents of basic neglect and its total crap !! - yet still wants them to babysit??

He went on further to say that he wasnt happy with my mum bringing A to my house a few months ago, saying she was going against his wishes ( ???)
The reason: BECAUSE OF BRUNO THE DOG. He doesnt trust it and even though he is ok with A then he doesnt want him round his child......

I am so angry at this, as basically my mum met us at the park when she had A, Luca and his cousin played on the equipment, it was cold, and I suggested they come back for a cuppa, A is scared of dogs ( terrified ) and its all down to how my B and sister inlaw deal with it as they hover round him, hold him, tell him to get away from dog, etc etc - so instill the fear.

We got to my house, and initially A was scared but after hour and a half when it was time to leave he was sitting on the floor next to Bruno patting him.......
I can only think that my brother is mad because we proved him wrong, and his bubble wrap parenting methods are stupid !! Would he prefer his son be terrified of dogs or deal with it??

He actually came through the following day and although he watched A pat the dog etc he still insists he is completely terrified and removed him from the situation?????

I just cannot believe all this and I dont know what to say to him, he certainly isnt welcome in my house if this is the way he truly feels...

He also said that my mum and dad are not willing to compromise at all, and that they want it all their way - the only person here who isnt willing to compromise an inch is HIM as far as I can tell.....

aarrgghhh i wish I was an only child.

Sorry for the rant, but I dont feel I can rant at him, as dont think he would be happy that I had read the email....and would give further ammunition to hurt my mum and dad.

OMG its makes me angry just reading it ! - think if i were your mum i'd be saying if he thinks they are so irresponsible ete etc then they'd better not babysit ! - call his bluff, they'd be the losers and they'd come round eventually. Your brother sounds like he needs a good kick in the pants !

I don't blame you saying he is not welcome, bladdy cheek - its difficult i know but don't dance to his tune. He is emotionally blackmailing your parents and i think they should tell him whats what.

Grrrr !!!

I'm with GreyhoundK on this one. I think your parents should just tell your brother that if he thinks they are that irresponsible with children then they'd better not have his child and he'll have to sort something else out. I know this might mean that they don't see their grandchild this weekend but your brother needs to learn he can't act like this.

Perhaps your mum could email him and point out that when he wasn't in your house A was happy playing with Bruno and that the problem with the dog is him and not his child!

I'd be tempted, where I your Mum, to point out he is the only one not compromising too.

Just one other thing hon... You need to try and keep your stress levels down. Now you're pregnant it's not going to be good for you to be getting totally stressed out with all of this. Try and relax somehow - go for a walk with Bruno, have a nice long soak in the bath, go swimming, have a massage (if you can afford to), anything else that makes you feel calm. Take some time for you!

I hope this sorts itself out soon. I know how much of a pain siblings can be (mine doesn't speak to me now our parents are no longer alive).

Take care

Ali x

thanks, yes he is just in need of a big kick somewhere !!!
I am not stressed as much as exasparated and angry with my brother, he just doesnt see that he is anyway in the wrong. I am frustrated that I dont really feel I can speak to him about it as know it will not be calm etc and that he will just have more of a go at my parents for telling me all about it - but what does he honestly expect.

thanks it helps letting off steam here !!!