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Location: Edinburgh uk
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,364
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02-01-2010, 01:28 PM
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Location: Motherwell, UK
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 17,088
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02-01-2010, 05:16 PM
Originally Posted by Stumpywop 
Hi Lauren,
You've had so much good advice so far I can't really add to it other than agreeing with C&D.
I di dwhat Ali did. I was with my husband from when we were at school. He was emotionally and physically abusive but I dind't have the sense to leave until I was 32 with a baby Son. I had to go back to live with my Mom so don't worry abotu living with your parents. At the moment, at 20 years ld, it's the best thing you can do. If I had a choice, I'd go back to being 20 and living with my parents.
Now I have an ex0husband who's more abusive than ever, a 5 year old Son, a big mortgage and 4 loopy dogs. The dogs and my Son keep me goinfg ansd I love my house too.
I'm also at Uni and have had to defer for 6 months. I'm due to go back this semester to compelte my MSc but the prospect of starting strudying again is adaunting one.
I don't suffer withthe same conditions as you but would your college not see it as a disability and offer extra support for you? Please go and talk to them. They will tell you what you need to do to get back into your course.
Please try not to feel so low. You are a valued member of this board and having a dog means you have a reason to talk to people when you're out and about. I know it's easier said than done but you can do it. Men should as my ex and your boyfriend are bullies. They feel they have to control women (& children) to show how great they are. They will try to turn everything around so that they blame you for everything and you will end up believing them. I know it's hard but try to think positively. If you're shouted at for reason ask him why he's shouting at you? Ask him to tell you precislety what you're supposed to have done wrong. You'll find that he runs out of answres very quickly. You're better than that and I think you need some time away from each other for the time being. Get yourself sorted out before seeign him and get that extra supporet frm your college and at home, your parents if you can.
Laura xx
I do ask him when gets annoyed, but I don’t really get a straight answer when he is angry, so unless I am completely at a loss as to what I have done, I just ask once he has calmed down and then he apologises…
Originally Posted by mishflynn
Personally i gained ALOT of Confidence through the Horses & Later the dogs. I have made so many "true" friends through both. If you could get involved in something Doggy i think it would help you so much, Flyball, agility , Obedience, even a demo club etc. First you MUST learn to drive it will change your life.
I never wanted to learn, then after my overdose i completly changed & learnt at 21yrs old. I was rubbish & scared so had almost a years worth of Lessons BUT passed first time.
Comeon Lozzi hunny!!! Come on Mate!!!!
Im hoping to learn to drive really soon, coz for my Christmas I got money so my parents are keeping it (so I wont spend it on rubbish) and im getting lessons with that. and while im getting those lessons I will be saving as much money as I can, so I can get another block straight after it… im hoping it wont take long though coz my BIL used to take me out all the time and I got really good, and my bf takes me out so im not too bad just now lol.
Originally Posted by Minihaha
Hi Lauren
a lot of collages and universities are part of the CATS scheme (Credit Accumulation and Transfer )this means that in many instances completed modules can be carried forward and count toward your qualification even if you do take a break. I know someone who got into a terrible mess at University, failed year two, took a break then transfered all her credits to another Uni and finished her degree there. So many things are possible if you talk to people and explain your situation if you don't tell them they can't help.
The same applies to your parents, tell them you would like to talk to them about your medical situation and how you are feel generally. I would hate to think my son was feeling really down about something and couldn't talk to me about it.
Lastly if you need someone to talk to about anything don't forget the Samaritans. Many people think they are just there for those who are suicidal but this is not so, they are there for anyone going through a difficult time. Their moto is 'come quietly into my world and let me be ' in other words they won't try to advise or judge you in any way, they will just listen .You can drop into one of the centres days and evenings for a chat and a cup of tea or ring them any time twenty four hours a day. Of course anything you tell them is completely confidently, no one else will ever know about it.
I would love to be able to talk to my parents, but I just find it so hard to be open with them… especially my dad... I told my mum when I first started seeing the psychologist, but she never mentioned it again and I think she just likes to pretend everything is all ok…
I have the samartians number in my mobile, just in case
Originally Posted by Westie_N
I second what Mish says, Lauren.
I wasn't interested in learning to drive until I was 20-21. I knew driving would really benefit my life and at 22 I passed my test after the third time.
The reason I failed twice was because of nerves....and the fact I was rubbish at reversing around a corner.
I was determined that I WAS going to pass the next time, so I went to the doctor and and explained to him. He gave me a few tablets to take the few days before my test and one on the day. And they helped a lot! I was so relaxed and passed my text with flying colours! 
So, if I can do it, anyone can.
Come on missus, we're all rooting for you.
How long did you take lessons for?
Originally Posted by Benzmum
Hi Lozzibear,
Firstly I want to say a massive congratulations to you for sharing how you are feeling, and I really do mean that, that can't have been easy for you to do. That is a really important 1st step to moving forward.
I know a bit of how you feel so hopefully after this thread and all the fantastic posts in it you will begin to feel less isolated as there are lots of people here who understand some or all of how you are feeling. I am at a stage now where I am well on way to recobery from a couple of horrendous years, couldn't work, agoraphobic, depression and after numerous doc trips and counselling I am getting there. Back at work and reconnecting with friends who I had distanced myself from or who in fact had distanced themselves from me. I don't know if its much help but one of my mottos is that a good friend is like s good book, you may not consult them often but when you want to you will know where to find them.
If you have a friend or friends you really do miss try contacting them by text, exchange texts for a while, then maybe a phonecall, the arrange to meet up for a walk, or something like that. You will hopefully,like I was, be pleasantly surprised that your friends still want to be in your life it was just hard for them to understand things when you were ill, if like me you struggled to socialise and go out then your friends, like mine, may well be thinking you don't want to see them, and of have drifted away form you, and of course because of your illness you automatically think that they have abandoned you, that is not a criticism, its a sad symptom of the illness, but in actuality your friends may think you have abandoned them.
Then its a vicious cycle with both sides blaming the other. Good friends may never understand your explanation of your illness and how it effects you, but they will however accept it, and sometimes the explanation is enough to allow them to see you for who you are...the friend and person they chose to have as a pal.
Your boyfriend? This unfortunately is a decision only you can make, I too had a destructive relationship, which in fact added to my issues, however at the time like so many others I could not see that. Hun, your b/f may love you and you may love him, but at the minute you need to focus on you, you don't need to be worrying about the next outburst or mood which shatters any confidence you have worked so hard to gain. Again another bad analogy here but try to think of your relationship in the form of circles..at the minute you are two halves of one circle, this can be broken with an argument or a mood, when together you feel complete but when the two halves of the circle split you feel lost and broken. Both of you need to be complete circles in yourself then the two complete circles can join to be a chain link...so strong and nearly unbreakable,..but if it does break you are still complete in yourselves.....gee I hope that makes sense.
I guess what I am saying is each of you needs to address your own issues and get help with them. You may get through this then as a couple or you may grow in your own independence and self esteem and possibly realise you are whole as a person without relying on him if that's the case so be it, he has been there for you and that's great but maybe now is the time to move on, scary? yes very!, but think of all the times you are just as scared wondering if he will speak again if he will come back. Its up to you of course but you can take control ,you can call the shots and you can move on.
Good luck hun and pm me anytime you want. You may feel isolated and alone but you have a lot of friends on here. You take care and really hope you get support from the college.
Huge hugs x
I think the idea of texting old friends is really good, and I have two friends who I would love to get in contact with again. Think I will definitely give that a try…
You analogy is really good! I do feel a lot of the time, I try to change myself around him and some people think that’s wrong but with me, and how I am, I need to change. Its part of me getting better, to change and learn to control myself and how I am…
The idea of moving on is so so scary… I dunno what to do about it, coz I don’t want to leave him. He means so much to me, and I do love him so much…
Originally Posted by aliwin
Just be careful the anger is his problem to sort not yours! He can say all the right things but he is the one who needs to act not you! If he can't be bothered to get the help for himself then he won't change. I'm not saying don't be supportive but he needs to sort that out for himself not you. There are enough things in this post for you to be getting on with
Glad to see you on and posting cos I was worried about you yesterday, chin up hun xx
Originally Posted by elmac13
Hope you are all right Lozzi. Benzmum's analogy I completely agree with. If you build your self up you really don't need anyone else. Also pay attention to what Hali says...sometimes you don't know how a great relationship should be until you are in it which then shows you what a bad one you were in before. Your boyfriend was being a bit selfish I think and wanted to spend Hogmanay with his mates. A lot of blokes are selfish. Watch out for that as you go through life. You don't NEED a bloke to survive.
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Location: Somewhere
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 3,087
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02-01-2010, 05:19 PM
Originally Posted by talassie
How did you get a diagnosis of BPD?
The latest thinking is that medication is of very limited use and the treatment of choice is longterm psychotherapy. If you go to your GP he will hopefully be able to refer you to the appropriate service.
Good luck!
Lozzibear, have you considered checking out your local MIND group? I understand that there is a lot of stigma attached to mental illness (I suffered from comorbid depression for about 10 years and still have anxiety disorder), but MIND are a great organisation where you can recieve counselling and support. I've volunteered for them in my town and it was a fabulous place.
I hope you are ok x
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Location: Motherwell, UK
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 17,088
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04-01-2010, 12:20 AM
Originally Posted by Sarah27
As a counsellor I completely agree with the above. A recent NICE study found that medication for depression is not effective at all and the best way is talking therapies. I believe the NHS is moving more towards this, but many places are so underfunded that GPs hand out medication and then never follow up.
Lozzibear, have you considered checking out your local MIND group? I understand that there is a lot of stigma attached to mental illness (I suffered from comorbid depression for about 10 years and still have anxiety disorder), but MIND are a great organisation where you can recieve counselling and support. I've volunteered for them in my town and it was a fabulous place.
I hope you are ok x
i know what you mean about GPs just giving it out, my friend went coz she was feeling depressed and her doc just gave her antidepressants and didnt even ask if she wanted referred to a psychologist... i think that is so wrong.
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Location: South Wales
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,408
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04-01-2010, 01:16 AM
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Location: North Wales
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,037
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12-01-2010, 11:58 PM
You need to know you're not alone honey. I know you feel that now but you'd be surprised how many people are the same as you!I suffer from depression on and off since my late teens and it's a harrowing place to be when you're rock bottom. However there is help out there. There has been such great advice on here I don't really have much more to advise just that talking about it definitely helps.
It's great you've got your dogs. You can meet new friends there with the same interests.
You're only a baby yet.....you've got so much time ahead of you to achieve what you want to achieve. Don't give up babes. You can do it!!
Focus on what makes you happy and lifts your mood and do away with what makes you unhappy. Sit down and think about what makes you unhappy and change it. if you can't change it, picture yourself putting your problem in a box, tying it up and put it to one side and deal with it when you're more positive.
Your boyfriend doesn't sound like he's helping. Maybe you should concentrate on yourself instead. Maybe a short break? If he doesn't come back then he's not for you. You will find someone who will understand you and accept you for who you are....warts and all!!
We're all here for you babes......good luck xxxxxxxx
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