i think you should send it, then if she dosent respond to it (god i would to a letter like that) then she really is a heartless cow.

you wont find anyone else "special"whilst you are still holding on to her, & it may almost be better if you can wangle some sort of one night stand with her to prove to your self that shes not "all that"

This is prob CRAP advice,but its worked for me in the past!!!!

From a purely personal point of view, I wouldn't send it. In a way it just tells her that she has just as much power over you as she always did. Not a good thing, in my opinion.
Hugs honey - don't really know what else to say x0x

I wouldn't send it, and I wouldn't want to receive it either.
As lovely as the letter is, I would have been horrified if my Ex had sent that to me, and we were together 27 years. It sounds as if you would do anything to have her back and if she's heartless do you want to give her that much power. Even if she's as soft as a marshmallow you could put huge doubts in her mind about what she's done, she could rekindle the relationship briefly, but accept she's moved on for all of your sakes. Sorry Lorna I think it would be a huge mistake to send it and just perhaps prolong your agony. I think you need to start making plans for the rest of your life that have nothing to do with her, maybe go travelling.

Lorna,

Some great advice here. I would also say that sending it to her is a mistake, feel free to send it into cyber space (even make up an amail address that is close to her real one so it does seem real)

It was touching to read and painful at the same time. A year is less than a third of the time you had all that love for so don't beat yourself up that you are not yet at the place where you can "happily" put the past behind you. It took you prob more than 3 and a hf years to build up all that love so it may take you 3 and half years plus (for the betrayal and hurt) to deal with the loss of that love.

I hope that doesn't depress you, it is meant to give you hope as grief and loss take a long time but hun you WILL get there. But it will take just as long as it takes

Sending the letter wont make that road any easier if anything it will take you back a bit. Send it to cyberspace, print it off and put it in a box with some other stuff (kind of like a time capsule and keep it to look back on this time next year or in 5 years and you will see gradually how you HAVE moved on.

Hugs

xxx

I really am so grateful for all your advice, I know I wouldn't get a reply from it, and I am well aware that we're over, although somewhere in my heart I can't help but think maybe once this woman she's with now (who is supposedly straight and only loves my ex) will end up with a man, as this is the 4th time they've tried to have a relationship and the 4th time she has tried to be with my ex, so I'm kind of seeing a pattern, although they've never really lasted this long before so maybe I'm wrong....

My ex sent me a series of emails when they broke up briefly, telling me that she didn't love her like she did me, and that physically things weren't how they were when they were with me etc etc. Which got my hopes up, but then they got back together....

I'm not sure why I'm pining like this, I know my logic tells me that even if we were to get back together somewhere down the line - I'd never trust her again, I'd never trust her not to finish with me again....and so much has happened since we broke up for both of us, that it would never be the same, there would be a years worth of memories that neither of us was part of for the other.

I like mishflynn's advice though lol! Benzmum, I think you're right about the getting over someone taking longer than the length of time you were together - maybe we'll see where I am in 3 years time then.

As for going travelling, I've got the dogs, the cat and my two horses now, I can't really do that, although I'm thinking of going to africa for 4 weeks next year.....

At least I have my holiday in the dominican to look forward to at the end of april for 2 weeks too - I can't wait for that! Going to do lots of things I never thought I would....

Lorna , I dont really know what to say tbh, except to offer you hugs hun, And good luck in whatever you decide to do , But to be honest hun, I would do what Becky suggested , but thats my personal view and what i would do myself If i was in the situation take care xxdk

Just so sad x

hugs to you.... I am not sure wether I would send the email or not. Half of me would as it gives your ex the chance to at least know how you feel then the other half of me says not as then it would give you possibly false hope of a reply and again give your ex the satisfaction of knowing you still love her and gives her the control over you that she does not deserve.

If I could offer any advice it would be to, accept that you love her but can't have her. I don't really know what your relationship was like with her as I haven't been around on here that long.

I would adcise get on an online dating agency .....thats how I met my OH and get out there and find your soulmate like I have . Or at least ahve some fun

Mel x

Thanks hun,

I'm done with people unfortunately, I don't want anyone, I'm sick of being let down! I'm going to quite happily turn celibate and remain single for a while....I don't even miss anything about having someone there, apart from missing everything that she was - if that makes any sense at all? xxxx

Lorna...........I'm going to be quite frank and act like a mother, plus devils advocaat.
My son Gary who nearly 31, is gay, he was with Simon for 9 years when they broke up, Simon had decided to spice up thier love life, by inviting another man into thier relationship. Gary and he argued and alot of hurtful things were said and they parted. Gary blamed himself so much that we had to have him here with us for a few days as he was going to take an over-dose. I sat up with my son, sobbing over his ex like a baby blaming himself for everything, I couldn't reach him.
He sent emails like your and Simon revelled in it. Gary even tried going out one night and unfortunately bumped into Simon in a club, so Simon spent the whole evening playing upto the guy he was with snogging etc., Gary wanted to die.......my son wanted to die over this ex.
Do you not realise that you as a person are worth more than anything anyone can dish out, why make yourself so worthless to her.
Now devils advocaat......I advised Gary to send one email, telling Simon that he wished him all the best with his new man, and that regardless to what happens, he would always be there for him, but ask yourself if you were in her position would you want a email from her, if so ok, but if no reply comes, then you have to except that as being her decision.
Gary has someone else now.....3 years on, they were out the other day when Gary bumped into him again, they spoke and later Gary received a email that read, I wish we could meet up and get back together...........my son said thanks but no thanks.
Gary told me Friday 'mom I cann't understand why I was so upset when we finished, now'. I'm so glad too. So if you wish to send your email, take out all the parts that BLAME YOU and move on. Don't look for someone else, wait they will find you, just like my son's new man has. And most of all remember that there are loads of people who care.....so stop putting yourself down.