Oh it's nice to hear that others have similar problems, if you know what I mean...not nice for them I know.

She sends Daniel over to us in clothes that are way too small for him, we then go and kit him out with new stuff, which he takes back to his mums, and next time he's in his old stuff again. Apparently she thinks he ruins his clothes when he spends time with Henry I did suggest he has a seperate wardrobe of clothes over here but Clive says he may as well get the wear out of them at hers as he is growing so fast.

ohh sherree, i really feel for you and clive. we have the same with m's ex. its all down to jealousy. she doesnt want m any more but she hates the thought that someone else has him.

we have the same problems - access being cancelled even when we have arranged to do stuff with his son, coming in inappropriate clothing - we do the separate wardrobe thing here as cant be a**** with that one, refusing to pay for stuff she agreed to - just cost us £120 for a holiday for son as she agreed to pay half, **** stirring with the older kids so we dont see much of them. we are never included in family stuff and that is sad and hurts both of us but he would refuse to go without me also anything that we give him to go home disappears.

m refuses to deal with it through legal channels as he isnt strong enough to fight her. but he has refused to contribute to his school stuff this year after the holiday fiasco. we have just found out she has got him a new wii for his birthday but that is her choice. we just try and make the time he is with us fun.

she also dosent transport dyl or contribute to petrol so we now do it when we want to and it is convient to us.

cant offer a solution but you are not alone in the mess called a step-family

suexxxxx

Thanks for that Sue...it does help to know that it isn't just us xx

I really feel for Clive, he said this evening that if Daniel doesn't want to see him then he can't force him to, I'm so sure she must have been stirring because why would he suddenly be like this towards his dad?

I can't offer any practical advice about the other stuff but unfortunately lots of kids/teenagers do go through a phase where they suddenly just stop being very nice to or wanting to interact with their parents very much I know I went through it with my mum when I was about 13 (Something I feel awful about now) where being seen with her was 'embarrassing' and I just lost all interest in talking to her. I'd been a real mummy's girl growing up and I just suddenly went from being really close to her to not wanting anything to do with her.

You may be right and your husband's ex is stirring things up but it is possible that she isn't and your step son is just being a temperamental teenager!

Thanks for that

We have noticed that for the last 3-4 months, he will take himself off to his room and close the door, it really started once I'd given him the cd player so we thought maybe it was to do with that. He only comes out for his meals and to take Hen out with me when he is like that...other times he follows me around and sits and chats non-stop.

He talks to me as he said he can't talk to either his mum or his dad, he tells me things he won't tell them for fear of upsetting the other, nothing nasty, just nice things that he's done with the other parent. I don't know if she says anything to him, he has told me a few things she has said but mainly dissing me, but Clive is never nasty to him about his mum and is interested in what he's been up to.

I'm hoping it is just him being nervous about the new school and just his age, it would break Clives heart if he refused to see him, something he really could do without at the moment.

Thanks again

Aah yes, the 'shutting yourself in your bedroom phase' definitely sounds like typical teenage behaviour to me!

Has he given you any reason to suggest he'll go from being a bit disinterested in talking to not wanting to see you at all? If not, I'd try not to worry

I'm so sorry to hear you guys are having all this trouble. It unfortunately happens a lot...something that infuriates me! We've been through it all with Graham's brood.....bitter ex-wife etc. And Graham and I overheard a CAFCASS representative laughing with his ex-wife when she said "I don't care how you do it...I just want to make him pay"!!!
Things have turned around though and people have seen that Graham is just a good man who wants the best for his kids.
You really have to go down the legal route I'm afraid. Do it sooner rather than later. She's already making life difficult so you may as well do it via the courts. Also Daniel will get older and realise that things aren't as quite as they seem and make his own mind up. But you must have the evidence that you've tried to sort it out. She could be saying anything to him to put him off but your actions will prove otherwise.
I really hope you can get this sorted, and mediation is the first step. If she says no then at least you'll have the proof that you've tried.
Keep going hun, and never give up. Try to show you're not affected by what she's doing (hard I know!). She's definitely getting off on making things hard for you.
xxxxx

I am currently in a similar situation at present.

You say at the time of divorce joint custody (now called residency) was awarded. I assume this was done through the court? If it was then a court order should have been put in place laying out that it is joint custody and what the 'access' arrangements are and what has been 'ordered'. In this instance you could have her hauled back into court for breach of a court order as she would not be adhering to what is ordered.

If you got it to court and wanted to contest residency they would be obliged to ask him where he would prefer to live and give it consideration.

CSA deal solely with maintenance payments. If you can't get maintenance off the relevant parent yourself you go to them with their details including their income details (as how much maintenance you are entitled to a week depends on how much the other parent earns, so the more he earns the more he will have to pay out) and they will deduct said amount direct from his wages and forward it on to her. They won't take maintenance off the relevant parent if they are on benefits. However as far as I am aware maintenance entitlement only counts if one parent has 'sole residency' so if it is a court ordered joint residency then I doubt she would actually be entitled to any maintenance payments. I would look into it.

No, he never gives any reasons, and he usually seems so happy when he is with us, he adores Henry and pampers and fusses him, he is always cuddling me and, as I said, doesn't stop chatting and asking questions. He does, however, seem very reserved when he talks to his dad and, when I questioned him, he said that he feels he needs to be careful what he says to his mum and dad because he doesn't want to upset them. When I probed him last time, just after our break to Bournemouth, he said that his mum was unhappy because he has better times with us...he obviously bottles things up for fear of upsetting them.

Thanks Zoe, as you say, it is difficult, I could quite easily punch her lights out for her but that would solve nothing, I just keep out of it, apart from giving Clive my support, and being there for Daniel if he wants to talk.

I'm not too sure what happened at the divorce court, before my time, but when I told Clive I was doing this thread he told me what to put. Apparently they have joint custody, they agreed that they would have him alternate weekends, however, she has never let us deviate from them, even if we have something important to share with him and it's not our weekend. The only exception was this year when we went to Bournemouth, we could only have a certain weekend and it was her weekend, Daniel was adamant that he wanted to come so we had to write her a letter asking if it would be possible, she had him two weekends before we went and two afterwards...not fair but we couldn't let him miss out on a holiday with us and he was getting himself upset about it. Wouldn't you have thought any mother would have just allowed him to go without having to make things difficult for him and us?

Daniel phoned Clive this morning, thats a first!! He said he still felt poorly and he didn't want to come over. Clive explained that this is our last weekend to see him before he starts his new school and we had some treats lined up. He has agreed that Clive can pick him up tomorrow morning so we will have him for the weekend. I shall just do my normal step mummy routine and let him come to me if he needs me, I don't want to interrogate him, I'm sure he will talk to me if he has stuff to get off his chest. Clive seems a bit happier that he made the effort to ring, and that he is going to be able to spend some time with him

Scorpio...havent read the whole thread, its a subject a little too close to my heart. BUT, if she is playing games/messing you guys about, then I strongly suggest that you and you Hubby seek legal advice. Most solicitors offer free 30 mins, and would be enough for you to find out where you stand, and enforce the original agreement.

Are you on the Money Saving Expert site, the families board is really good for giving advice over this sort of thing