If I have one regret Lynn, it's because I didn't quite understand why my mum got so very miserable, but think about it, it's plain to see, now that I can actually look back. I just thought she was being awkward/miserable, sometimes you know, she would go completely dumb on all of us, even when in the care home, and that just wasn't her. I think when they find themselves incapacitated, say after a bad fall, they have time to sit and dwell, then they probably think, well, is this is, just sitting here staring at 4 walls, completely useless, and that's enough to make anybody miserable isn't it, especially when in their minds, they are still 17 you know!!! If I could turn the clock back, I wouldn't have been so grumpy with her at times, especially the time I made her cry (I posted up on here and you all told me to go and give her a hug which I did! lol!). I'm sure they don't mean to be miserable, I think they not only get confused, but mostly, they get very frightened, frightened of what they've become and whether they will ever be able to be back to normal, and of course, I don't care what anybody says, they surely must be frightened when they realise they haven't got much time left!

I just wish that I could have curbed the way I am, the stuff I'm made of, and kept that smile on my face more days than I did when she got so miserable, instead of which I ranted and raved, tore my hair out, told her she was doing it on purpose oh how I wish I could turn the clock back Lynn, so just be aware of what I'm saying here, try and walk a mile in her shoes atm, and do as you did today from now on, make her smile, make her laugh, give her lots of love, and leave her in that frame of mind every time you walk out of that door! It's all you can do for her, and that'll mean so much more to her than any amount of cooking, washing, cleaning, coz I know it did for my dear old mum when she was here.

Good luck, this is going to be a bumpy old ride now Lynn I'm afraid when she's in pain.

I can still remember my mum giving me the sweetest of smiles when I arrived in the lounge with Zena at that care home, as she reached out her arms, sitting in that chair, and she said to me "oh, I'm so glad you've come today" and I knew she really must have needed that visit Good luck.xxxxxxxx

Sounds as if you have it sorted out, and well done you and your brother and sister, I have seen so much in my life of Mums and Dads just being left to their own devices, even when they ask for help. Back to the pill thing, does the chemist not do blister packs, then it would not be you doing it, and then you and the others could keep an eye on that more easily, just go in and ask them if they do it, bottles and packets of pills are so old hat theses days especially for the elderly. saying that we still have the old way, but our surgery is a self dispensing one. Hope theses new plans work for all concerned, feel free to vent on here, I will always reply, but you seem to have made genuine friends on here, only been here a fortnight.

I think it's a case of you made her feel important Lynn, made her feel she is not being thrown in the skip, her family is all she has got now, and a lot of them just don't give a damn when they get old and useless, so I'm sure you really did make her feel like you were giving her the moon

There really isn't any point in getting yourself all stressed out, you've been there haven't you, try and do all of this in the new found "calm" you, you'll feel a lot better for it, let it all go over your head, smile sweetly if she gets all cantankerous on you, and try and cheer her up instead which I'm sure you will do. Thank goodness she's come round to accepting the help you're all offering, maybe it's like I said earlier, this has been that one fall too many, she now realises as much as she wants to stay independent, she has to accept some help now. It's absolutely fantastic that she's still in her own home, fighting on, it's better for all of you that way, and it's the place she most wants to be.

Deep breaths then Lynn........ xxxxxxxx