Lozzi I have had a lot of problems recently, I use to go to college too, I was doing a two year course, but then things went wrong, and I ended up doing one year of it, as when I tried to go back it wasn't working, now I'm just about to finish another course simalar, and its so much better, maybe you could talk to any other colleges doing the same or a simalar course and start afresh, it helped me loads.

I've also drifted away from a lot of friends, some for saying crap, and some for being just plain wierd and scary, but thats a long story. But couldn't you join a local club for something that you are intrested in, maybe the council runs some clubs, there you could meet other people and maybe make some new friends?

Maybe once your BF has had time to cool down you can try and talk about thing again, maybe you could suggest that he tries to get some more help, and maybe you could also try seeing each other less, not splitting up, but giving each other more space, maybe you go and see him less or something, for a while and see how that works out, and then once you are both a little bit more stable you can see each other more or something, as I know that you said that you are scared of abdoment, but try to think of something like this as not abdonment, but giving each other a little time to sort yourselves out, as I know that when my heads in a mess it can be hard coping with yourself, and you can take it out on someone else, and this can sabotage something that you care about.

If you ever want to talk you can PM me, or if you want I can send you my email, and I hope that everything gets sorted out soon, and 2010 is a better year for you.

Hey Lozzi, I have to agree with Claire - your boyfriend, however much you love him, isn't good for you. Why not join a dog training club or fun agility class? You will meet like minded people who you could go walking with etc. It's a good idea to get a letter from your doctor re the college course. If you can't go back, try to see it as a fresh start. You are young have lots of opportunities in front of you, you just need help to see them. Go to your doctor again and tell him you need to try something new to help with your PD. 2010 could be a great year for you - but it will be what YOU make it. Good luck hun!

Good advice from the others there. A few things I would reiterate:

1. Is your GP doing all they can to support you in this? Do you feel your condition is taken seriously, and have you been referred for worthwhile psychotherapy? If not, you ought to see another GP! Don't be fobbed off, there is great help available, and you deserve it!

2. Has your primary tutor at college been informed of your condition? If so, there is no reason why they wouldn't accept you back: there is a documented reason behind your absence. You owe it to yourself to make sure that somebody there knows about this: it will be kept in confidence, so you don't need to think that everybody knows it.

3. I completely agree that, while it's hard to find the motivation to go to college each day, putting it off will increase your feelings of isolation. When I was beginning to recover from severe anxiety and depression, even when I couldn't face interacting with people, I'd take my travel pass and just go out for "adventures": to the beach, to the park, even just finding my way round on various buses and trains, as a non-confrontational way of reconnecting with the world.

4. I see that you love your boyfriend, but his problems and yours are a particularly destructive combination. The emotional upheaval of regular fights is enough to set off even well-buried psychological problems: it's not sustainable for somebody in your position. What's more, you should not put yourself in the position that you are so reliant on a single person: they can't give you 100% of their time and energy, so it's a recipe for disaster when that's what you come to need and expect. I'm not saying you have to stop seeing him, but you do need to learn to do without him, and to put the relationship back on a healthy footing.

Great advice here so not much else to add but would like to reiterate to anyone who is feeling low and in a bad relationship that one of the most healing steps you can take is to get out of it.

It's easier said than done I know but trust me, there is nothing better than being alone or with someone who is 100% supportive when you are going through a bad time. Being with someone who brings you down all the time will never help you get out of it.

Oh sweetheart, your post worried me so much as I was the same as you once.

I suffered from depression and low self esteem as a teen, became agoraphobic, tried to commit suicide once, left school when I was 15 even though I was in the top 5%. Did my O levels at college but only an extra 5 instead of 10. Went on anti-depressants, dropped out of college during my A levels, didn't know what I was going to do really then met my husband when I was 21.

He too had problems just like your boyfriend. Your phrase 'he does much worse things to me' sent a chill down my spine. He had his own problems, and my mistake was thinking my love could cure him. Instead I had my ribs broken, my tooth punched through my face, my thigh cut, my fingers stamped on.... and ultimately my baby Charlie smothered.

You need to get yourself sorted before worrying about him, you really do. Don't believe that you don't know what you'd do without him, you'd survive, he will be bringing you down, men with problems like his always do, please believe me.

You need to keep plugging away at the doctor. Stop worrying about college etc, that's only pressure. You need to find yourself, love yourself and see what YOU want from life.

If you need to pm me, please do.

If I could go back I'd have changed what I did, being with him. I have my Charlie, who luckily survived and I'd never give him up, but honestly the relationship was a mistake.

One day, hopefully, you will look back and see we are right. But we're all here if you need us now.

I have nothing much to add to the heaps of good advice you have been given already. If your college tutor knows how low you feel, they may allow you to restart this year in September. That would give you plenty of time to concentrate on getting yourself feeling better. It seems lots of stuff has come on top at once. Sort out what is important to you and concentrate on that, the rest can wait.

Take care. xx

Oh Lauren, so sorry to read that you're feeling like this. I had no idea. *big hugs* to start with.

Loads of great advice already given.

I know I'm a bit older than you, at 24, but believe me when I say that I know how you feel. Everyone has hang-ups, I know I do. I also have low self esteem and lack confidence when it comes to particular things. I'm 24 and still live with my oldies! The only difference with me is that I drive. I know what you mean though, sometimes you feel hopeless and worthless. Other days you couldn't give a sh*t! The latter is better!

Firstly, I really do think you should get rid of that boyfriend of yours, he's no good for you, by the sounds of things, and doesn't deserve you! Sounds like you need time on your own, Lauren, to find yourself and to think about what you want from your life, forget about him! I don't think a relationship is what you need right now, quite honestly. A good friendship or two, yes, but not a relationship.

Secondly, as far as your college is concerned, if you're doing something you really want to do (even though you say you can't face it at times when the BPD is an issue), speak to your doctor and enquire as to whether s/he can contact the college to explain to them what's going on with you, they may be very understanding and give you the help and support you need in order to complete your course. It's worth a try.

I think you need some time on your own, Lauren. You dont need the distraction of guy at the moment and you certainly don't need the grief and the lack of support and understanding he has for you!

And lastly, we are all here for you if you need us, you can PM us for a chat if you want to. No pressure.

Take care, sweetie. You're a better person than a lot of people. And that is true. xx

Lozzibear, so sorry to hear you are feeling so down at the moment.

The others have all given good positive advice and I hope you will find the strength to follow it.

I know you love your boyfriend and in his own way, i'm sure he does love you, but from the little you have said, it doesn't sound like the relationship is right for you. It is incredibly hard to walk away from a guy that has been your rock for so long.

I must admit, I couldn't leave my ex and was devastated when he left me. But do you know what...after a few months of feeling really bad I began to realise that I was much, much better off without him and just enjoyed being single for a good while. I then met my OH..with him I can be exactly who I am and I love him so much more than I did my ex.

You may not feel strong enough to do without your boyfriend just now, but I have every faith that you can do it if you put your mind to it....and I'm sure Jake will help you.

Big hugs, remember we're all here for you whenever you need us.

Lauren, we all love you *Hugs* You can PM me anytime, and I mean that...........

I've also suffered with depression, this last year has been really bad for me, so I can understand how you're feeling, thankfully my Hubby is very supportive, I don't know what I'd do if he started calling me all those horrible names that your boyfriend calls you

If you are sure you want to make it work with him, he needs to get some help for his anger....Maybe you could try counselling together.

You're only young, you need support, not someone pulling you down. You are a special person, and don't let anyone tell you any different.

Thinking of you x

Hi Lauren,

I dont have much more to add, other than a hug, and to also say I dont think your relationship with your boyfriend is helping your self esteem in the slightest.
For someone to be so mean to you, he doesnt understand whats going on with you, and he is the unreasonable one not you. I honestly think that the best thing you can do is have a break and as someone else has said, learn to love you, and discover what you want or like to do, and do things for yourself.

I think sometimes we think we need a man,when really we dont. You are much stronger than you think and you dont need a bloke to prove that to yourself.