Portmanteau? Ah yes, that would be one of those new ultra posh designer dogs. Very rare and so expensive that if one has to ask how much a puppy is, one simply can't afford to buy a puppy of this calibre! A Portugese water dog x Manchester terrier sire and a poodle dam, but because these are ultra rare, cosmopolitan and very exclusive dogs, it's an eau rather than a poo. We don't have any scatalogical talk in the circles we move in so one doesn't want to be saying words like that to one's dog walker. So to save any embarrassment, and as poodles are purported to be French water dogs, we substitute the poo with the 'eau' at the end.

For you commoners, eau is French for water in case you are wondering.

I used to breed Britney spaniels, but the neighbours complained about the yodelling and they were rubbish at caring for their puppies.

*boom, boom*

WooooooOOOOOoooo - what happened to you, did you drop your sense of humour and you can't stand the thought of looking for it when it exits the dog that chewed it up and ate most of it?

I keep trying to think of a witty CKC one and failing

LOVED this thread. And Larrabee, i think it's fairly obvious this is a joke?

C& D - you just never fail to make me chortle
Larabee, I think the fact that on dogsey we are from all walks of life, some of us posh, some of us not so much ( after all i am a staffie owner... so therefore have the chav sovereign rings and shell suit) that if none of us are offended by this over the course thats its run, then I really can't see who would be.....

Love the raw feeding one That explains why Cain has started stalking toddlers in the park....

Ignore Larabee, I've noticed all her threads appear to be designed to ruin the thread and cause controversy and yes, she does appear to lack a sense of humour (but then I own a hard ass Xbreed, cos I is hard ass too, innit. So what do I know )

ETA: Larabee seems to thing we've taken the Mick out of posh owners, so I thought I'd do one for the lower classes. And seeing how I own one myself, it can't possibly be offensive

Status X breeds

So called because they give you more status, innit.

A cross of any two large breeds or more. Best dogs include guard dogs, big muscly dogs and black and tan dogs (cos they look the most evil). Popular parents include GSD, Akita, Rottie, American Bull dog and any kind of mastiff. Cross breeds are better cos you don't have to bother trying to find another dog of the same breed, you can just mate your dog with your brothers/mothers/neighbours dog.

Owning a bull breed x mastiff will make you more of a man. GSD x Akita can appeal to multi markets as they have pointy ears like proper wolves but the puppies are super cute and fluffy, so popular with the girls. Can sell for £500 or more (which is enuff to buy a years supply of cider). Don't worry that they'll be really strong when they grow up, cos that won't be your problem by then cos you just breed 'em, you don't have to take 'em back.

These dogs can be strong, stronger the better, cos it looks harder. And it doesn't matter if they pull cos you don't need to walk them further than the corner of your street, when you can stand wiv your homies all night. Obviously you'll never leave your patch with your dog in case the SW7 Boyz launch a raid.

On the rare occasion you may wish to venture a bit further with your status dog, for example to the local park to sit in the dark and enjoy a nice cold Strongbow. If the dog pulls to hard then you can always buy a cool looking choke chain (the chunkier the better, with chain lead) or you can even get really bad ass looking prong collars which makes your dog look really hard.

The main thing wiv these dogs is to NEVER train or socialise them. If your dog lunges and barks at strangers on the street it's best cos it makes you look really scary, plus its really funny too.

These dogs aren't chihauhau's but never forget that they ARE a fashion accessory, bred to make you money and to increase your street cred. If your chosen cross breed isn't doing this, then switch to the current most popular cross (you might want to think about Irish staffies, or anything that might be illegal as these are automatically cooler as you put two fingers up to the pigs). Peace out bruv.

Still maintain...Brindle dogs are the result of dog mating with tiger. Fact

Fluffy dogz is for girls innit. Anyfing wiv alsation or jerman sheped is not a proper status dog - dey has to be smoov and mussely so dey looks like glaiaturs woteva size. But akitas is ded cool coz they were fighting dogs in Japan so dey is ded 'ard innit blud. Uskies look da part coz of da wolf look, but dey is shiz at protectin u.

Iv u doesn't want a big dog coz yer mam won't let you, but u still wont one that you can look dead impressiv wiv on da street, you get a sharpie cross staffie or pitbull, innit. Also perfict 4 winnin da ho over coz they is ded cute as pups and foolin da pigz if they gets on yer back about yer dog beein of da type. "No mista offica, he ain't a pitbull he's a sharpie cross innit - look at da wrinkulz!"

Deez are bred speshuly in London. Coz dem sharpie woz bred in China as fighting dogz so they is ded 'ard so a ideel cross. U can put one of them blingin' suits of arma type levva harnusis on dem and dey looks ded cool wiv all da studz and stuff. Speekin of studz, you can offa ya sharpie pitbull to m8 wiv an akita and den U haz da utlimate status dog. Ded 'ard they are and ideal for huntin yer neyburs cats and it's ded funny wen dey rip 'em apart, innit. U can film it on ya dat iPhone u nicked in da riots last year so you can show yer m8s and load it on utubez.

See yaz l8r blud, gotta go meet ma m8s in da park wiv ma dog. Dat 3 litre bottle of White Lightnin and quarter of skunk won't drink and smoke itself...

oh this thread never fails to make me giggle