Thank you again everyone. I've been informed that I also have two month of Zylkene coming this way (one month has arrived) and a box of choccies and a bottle of wine! Nom nom nom I'll look forward to that! There's not much in life that chocolate and wine can't solve I've been wanting to try Cain on Zylkene for a while but decided I couldn't afford it as he's so heavy he'd need two pills a day. I'm excited to see if it helps him (and if it does, I'll find a way to continue). I started him on it today as he's so so very unsettled, bless him he keeps going into my mum's room and coming out with odd items of clothes, I think he misses her and is seeking out her smell stealing is not a common behaviour for him. I know Zylkene is bloody expensive and I'm totally overwhelmed by everyone's generosity xxx

I feel I can write a little today. Mum's passing didn't go quite the way we wanted. Basically we (me, brother, SIL) had been taking shifts to do everything for the last four days including eating and going to the loo. Mum was never alone, one person minimum was always in the room. When we got called in at 2.30am, we sat with her for hours, my brother holding her hand. Although very ill, she didn't get any worse and seemed to sort of stabile. She had fluid on her lungs so you could really hear her breathing. Anyway, it got to 2pm and she was still with us, no obvious change in condition, when the cleaner asked if we could step out for a few mins so she could clean the room so we did. She was in there for maybe 5 mins, then came to the lounge to tell us she was done.

I got up and went straight back. As I stepped in I think I saw her take a very shallow breath, then I didn't see another, which was weird as her breathing had been so loud. My bf came in behind me and I told her to get my brother and SIL so he ran off. I stepped over to mum and she was gone

The nurses checked the the cleaner who said she is positive that my mum was breathing the whole time she was in the room. So it appears that in the 30 seconds between her coming to get us and me getting back to the room, mum died I was ok about it, she was so heavily sedated I doubt she knew we were there. My brother on the other hand was furious He took comfort in the fact that she did know that we were there and he was devastated that she died alone. He's not quite rational and gets very angry, and he was furious at first then heartbroken that he'd missed it. But we managed to convince him that mum hadn't wanted us to see the moment and had chosen to pass by herself and he seems to have accepted that. I felt so sorry for him though, a 12 day bedside vigil and we missed it

I'm not doing too badly. Mostly I've kept it together but I've the odd wobbly over random things. There's been a lot of messages on Fbook which made me cry. Seeing her chair and her bed. Popped to the supermarket and felt really weird buying a brand of eggs and butter that weren't her usual brand I know it's a strange thing, but she was so set in her ways with things like that. I decided that I couldn't sit around any longer and wanted to do something so I started to clear out the kitchen. The whole house needs a massive sort out but I couldn't face touching her personal stuff just yet. I thought I'd be ok sorting through the mounds of generic Tupperware in the kitchen. I found this hideous plastic tray covers that I hated with a passion, god ugly things, nagged her for years to get rid of them. But I sat on the floor holding them and crying and I couldn't throw the bloody things out! It's funny, the things that get to you Grief really isn't rational!

My thoughts are with you at this very sad time. Your mum will be in your dads arms again,free from pain x

So very, very sorry for your loss Amanda.

My mum did some thing similar to that, we had all taken turns to sit with her, I had the afternoon at home to sort my horses out, I got a call that mum had died, at the time when there was no-one in with her. My sister had nipped to the loo. We all felt devastated, thinking about mum passing all alone, but the nurse in the hospice explained a lot of mums and dads wait till they are alone, like they are trying to ease the pain for those left.

Take care of yourself, and remember, there are no rules in grieving, it hits very hard and some times we dont know why stuff sets it off.

My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you, your brother and of course Cain, as he will be missing your mum too.
xxxx

I'm glad all the things arrived, I hope the medication helps Cain too. I'm so sorry you both missed the final moment, but as you said she probably wanted that.
When my Mother-in-Law died, we'd been doing a bedside vigil for a few days (don't know how you did it for that many!) and we only stepped out for them to wash her, they came out half way through and they ushered us back in as her breathing changed. She died less than a minute after we got back in.
I hope the dog walking helps you cope and gives you and Cain a break, my thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time.

Aw Amanda....I'm so glad the parcel helped! You've had such a tough time and you have many friends on here. Thinking of you and your family. Take care hun and enjoy all those choccies!!

Thinking of you - I am sure your Mum waited till you had popped out and then she snuck away peacefully.

Thinking of you

Amanda hun ((hugs))

When my grandpa died years back, he also died of cancer, and in his last days the family all took shifts in sitting with him. On the day he died there was about 7 people in the room with him, and the doctor arrived and sent 5 of them to pick up a prescription from the chemist (he was nursed at home). That left 2. My uncle went to the toilet and that left my gran and the doctor, the doc then asked my gran to make him a cup of tea and followed her into the kitchen. In the space of those 60 seconds my grandpa died Obviously everyone was very distraught, however the doctor told them that he had sent everyone away deliberately as he had seen it many times. The loved one lingering on because they can sense their family about them and are hanging on for their sake. Once everything is quiet they feel able to let go. xxx

Sorry to hear she didn't pass as you'd all hoped but perhaps that's what she wanted.

It must be so difficult living in the house you shared together and sorting through her stuff.
At least she's free of pain now and hopefully over time things will become easier on you.

Hugs XXX

Oh Amanda - I feel awful for not following this! I'm so sorry for all the pain you're feeling and I hope it eases in time. We're all here if you need us!

Lots of love, hugs and kisses (and dog snogs) from us lot here.

I really do believe this. We'd kept the 24 hr round the clock attendance at the hospital in the last days - but whoever stayed overnight slept for a while in a big chair just outside the door. My mum went while there was no one in the room too in that couple of hours she was alone. Earlier that evening she had had 5 of her 6 kids in there and 6 of her grandchildren and was still coherent.

I believe it just kept her going that bit longer and without all the stimulus she was able to just let go.