I've had more than my fair share of them - people react so differently. I hit rock bottom after the last one (we'd tried for a baby for well over 6 years before they started happening so I took it exceptionally hard) and I'll admit I didn't cope at all well.

It might sound daft but I couldn't even cope with going outside a heck of a lot of the time because babies in prams seemed to be everywhere reminding me what I'd lost. Lots fell on hubby to do in terms of weekly shops and the like and I needed him to understand if I suddenly took a complete detour to avoid being behind a baby in the queue at the checkouts at Tesco.

I still need him to understand if I suddenly need something upsetting on the TV turning over, whether he's in the middle of watching it or not - House a few weeks ago ended with the subject cropping up and I didn't know it was coming and ended up crying myself to sleep... I personally don't cope well with ultrasound pictures at all - because the last one we found our twins had died via ultrasound (that one was a silent/missed miscarriage - one of the more particularly cruel practical jokes in Mother Nature's repertoire).

I got, and still am, incredibly angry - those mummys who think they're entitled to the world just because they're mummies will send me into an apocalyptic rage - again, anger is one of the stages of grieving - and, while it might have seemed bad to others - being angry was often what was the only thing that gave me the kick to keep going and get out of bed on a morning.

I still need to talk about them now, to know that they were real - I don't think hubby quite gets that, but he plays along and tries to at least. It's quite hard to deal with for people because it's a very abstract, intangible grief (they don't see that you're grieving for the entire lost future -for the dreams of first steps, first days at school and everything as well as for what they can't see) and it really does stay with you - gets more bearable as time goes on, but you never forget them.

I crashed massively into depression and still haven't come out of it (NHS failed me collossally on that front)... some have a much easier time than I did though - like I say ours came on the back of years of fertility problems so were particularly cruel.

If she has to go for a scan to confirm everything's passed - it depends on the hospital how sensitively those are handled - some have separate days or areas for that type of scan, some delightfully shove you in with the ante-natal bump brigade. Just something to be prepared for as a possiblity - NHS miscarriage care can be bloody shocking at times (my pet soap box issue).

I just wanted to say we are very sorry for the both of you. xxxxx

I have no advice never experiencing one so I will leave that to the people that know xxxxxxxxxxxxx Hugs hun xx

So sorry to hear of your loss
and how lovely that you are worried enough to be here asking

as others have said just let her know you are there for her and let her deal with things at her own pace

and you too, you will prob find you go tru all sorts of emotions as well
Just try and be there for each other and forgive a little snappyness - its too easy to argue at times like this

So sorry to hear this sad news, Luke

Thinking of you both xx

No experience or advice to offer Luke, just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and your OH.xx

I am so sorry and you have been given some excellent advice here from members who have sadly experienced the same. I do hope you both are able to come to terms with this loss and I wish you every luck for the future. xx

So sorry to hear this. Just when you get used to the idea of a new baby, this happens. I had a miscarriage nearly 40 years ago and I sometimes still stop and wonder what if? what and who the baby would have grown into. I think you just have to tell her that you're there for her if she needs support and to talk about it if she wants to share.
Gillx

This happened to me-horrendously insensitive to be placed with all these other women who are so happy about seeing pictures of their babies for the first time. Then the consultant was a bit snotty because I hadn't had enough water to drink but how do you now you need to do this when you are in such a state and not thinking straight or logically about things? I know that if our baby had been ok I would have needed to have a full bladder to be scanned but it hadn't occured to me to do the same in this situation.

Please don't do what my husband did months afterwards-someone had a baby that was screaming and screaming when we were at a dog show. He laughed and said "aren't you glad you haven't got to put up with that" or something similar. I was very upset at his lack of sensitivity-I honestly could have killed him with a look if youtake my meaning! Not funny at all. I blank conversations out when people talk about babies now but I don't find it as upsetting as I would have done nearer the time so time does heal in a way though I don't think it is something you would ever forget.

I have never, ever, wanted a baby so perhaps that helps me cope, though of course I dearly wanted the one we lost. You feel totally different about things being pregnant and it is very hard to come to terms with the loss.
If I was a person who had always wanted children and had been unsuccesful and lost them through miscarriages -well it must be a heartbreaking situation.

Everybody reacts differently, but many years ago now I lost a baby soon after birth. I was in a surreal place, sometimes in denial, sometimes oblivious to the World and sometimes needing OH just to be there, saying little, but letting me talk.

It's a terrible place to be and the best advice anyone can give is to just roll with the punches. Be there when needed, back off when not.

Eventually the grieving hurts a little less and hopefully one day you will, like myself and OH, go on to have a beautiful family.

Hugs to you both xx

Thanks folks, as always you've all been very helpful. Taking each and every day as it comes rather than either I or she trying to figure out how one "should" feel, onwards and upwards & all that.