So sorry to hear this Lynn, what a time your mum is having and you and Gill, the stress.
I hope she heals quickly she sounds like she has been through more than her fair share of pain
xxxx

Bless her Lynn. Hope mum is feeling better and you've calmed down a bit after the ordeal. They certainly know how to worry us. Big hugs to you all xx

That must be such a hard situation. Does she have a walker? Would she use one? I hope she`s feeling better soon.

Thank you all.

Gill has been in and out today and she isn't at all well not surprising really.

I am over tomorrow and my eldest brother has said if she is well enough to get herself to the toilet and has no medical appointments he will take her back to Norfolk on Saturday. that will give me and Gill and our other brother a bit of a break and a lot less worry.

She isn't taking her medication properly and yes she does have her wits about her it is one of the last things in her control and she doesn't like not being in control. Claire she does have a stick and a walker but it very stubborn about using either.

Just seen this Lynn, so sorry to hear she has fallen again. They are such a worry Hope she improves in herself soon xxxxxxxxxx

Hope your Mum, feels stronger soon. It is a worry, most of my elderly clients oldest is 101yrs, (just lost my 102yr old, god bless her) tell me they don't feel as if they are the age they are, they think (well their brain thinks ) they are still in their 50's. so hence the what appears stubborness. You say she is not taking her med correctly, has she got them blister packed, or in a daily/time tray, Nomad or something simular, if not that would make it easier for her. Does she, or would she except a carer going in once or twice a day, (this is what the 1991 community care bill is there for to support our sick and elderly in their own home,) May have to pay something towards it, as it is means tested, but if this is an idea, then get in touch with social services. Would ease the worry on the family a bit, me's think, but you will still worry, but not quite as much. One good thing you seem to have a very supportive family base, which is always helpful. Take care, you and your family are no good to her ill yourself.

Thanks Steph. Hope you are getting somewhere.



She has a pill organiser OH and I bought her one a couple of years ago she doesn't like using it again the control thing. she has carers in every day to do her lunch which by the time they get there she has done it they wash up and make her a cuppa I set this up about 2 years ago as advised by the hospital at that time they go in once a week to help with housework which she recently cancelled because they do not do it right.

The only thing she does accept is them showering her twice a week. She is very stubborn is ill and has a lot of falls and what ever I set up after being advised medically to do so is not good enough and she rebels against it. The younger of my brothers does stuff thats wrong so is Gill when we tell her she must accept this help.

Three of us are ready to put her into warden controlled housing or a home if there are any more falls the fourth brother who is never around till it is all over has told her she she won't be going anywhere and of course the sun shines from where you can't mention as far as he is concerned.

We are at our wits end, he says we should laugh it off and let her do what she likes.

Do you know sommat Lynn, I think I can see myself there in your dear old mum (when I get that old I mean!!). Nobody does anything right around here either, mum knew that, Dave knows it, so nobody bothered, coz they knew whichever way they did it, it would be wrong, just like your old mum there!

Can't somebody arrange those pills for the entire week for her? I did that with mum, when she was forgetting to take her pills, I got one of those weekly plastic containers, put the mornings, mid-day, and evenings in the correct boxes, because there was no way she was letting me take over that....... until she had to of course!

I hope she gets better Lynn, I really hope this isn't her slippery slope and she won't be able to cope anymore on her own. I'm always here if you need any info on anything coz I've been through it all now, I know all there is to know about how to get what they're entitled to, and your first port of call should be the liaison officer at the help the aged, the social worker for your area will know who she/he is, they are worth their weight in gold for helping you through difficult decisions, so bear that in mind. All the best Lynn, I hope it isn't too stressful for you but I'm sure it is.xxxxxxxxx

Thanks Helena.

She has one of those pill things Gorden and I bought it for her a couple of years ago she won't use it.

When I went over this morning she was in bed and very down in the dumps. She eventually got up to have a cup of tea her back is giving her a lot pain but they have x-rayed it and said nothing wrong badly bruised.

I took her some potatoes from our garden and Gill had bought her some cold chicken and taken some of her runner beans from the garden round so I cooked her lunch today not a lot but she ate every bit.

I am now going to cook up a batch of things to go in her freezer and she can defrost them overnight re-heat in the microwave and make herself some gravy in a jug she won't have too touch the oven then. Gill is going to make sausage rolls and fish cakes she can warm the fish cakes in a frying pan on the top of the stove. Paul is going to do her housework on a Saturday and he is going to take the washing home and his wife Diane is going to do her washing and ironing for her so between the three of us we can cancel the ladies for everything else except her showers. I am going to pick up her bits of shopping when I go over every fortnight.

Well she perked up no end by the time I had left.

I know she hasn't got years but if she goes relatively painless and without anymore falls because people don't do things the ways she does it will save a lot of hassle all round and it might make her a little happier and easier to be around because of late she has been so miserable no one particularly wants too visit because all she does is moan.

Thanks Helena I may need your help sooner rather than later the way things are going.

If I have one regret Lynn, it's because I didn't quite understand why my mum got so very miserable, but think about it, it's plain to see, now that I can actually look back. I just thought she was being awkward/miserable, sometimes you know, she would go completely dumb on all of us, even when in the care home, and that just wasn't her. I think when they find themselves incapacitated, say after a bad fall, they have time to sit and dwell, then they probably think, well, is this it, just sitting here staring at 4 walls, completely useless, and that's enough to make anybody miserable isn't it, especially when in their minds, they are still 17 you know!!! If I could turn the clock back, I wouldn't have been so grumpy with her at times, especially the time I made her cry (I posted up on here and you all told me to go and give her a hug which I did! lol!). I'm sure they don't mean to be miserable, I think they not only get confused, but mostly, they get very frightened, frightened of what they've become and whether they will ever be able to be back to normal, and of course, I don't care what anybody says, they surely must be frightened when they realise they haven't got much time left!

I just wish that I could have curbed the way I am, the stuff I'm made of, and kept that smile on my face more days than I did when she got so miserable, instead of which I ranted and raved, tore my hair out, told her she was doing it on purpose oh how I wish I could turn the clock back Lynn, so just be aware of what I'm saying here, try and walk a mile in her shoes atm, and do as you did today from now on, make her smile, make her laugh, give her lots of love, and leave her in that frame of mind every time you walk out of that door! It's all you can do for her, and that'll mean so much more to her than any amount of cooking, washing, cleaning, coz I know it did for my dear old mum when she was here.

Good luck, this is going to be a bumpy old ride now Lynn I'm afraid when she's in pain.

I can still remember my mum giving me the sweetest of smiles when I arrived in the lounge with Zena at that care home, as she reached out her arms, sitting in that chair, and she said to me "oh, I'm so glad you've come today" and I knew she really must have needed that visit Good luck.xxxxxxxx