Midge must not be seen to be sitting on the sofa when Daddy gets in from work! Only when it's Mummy & Midge!

(1) Dogs must not steal bits of paper fron the (closed and in the cupboard) bin and shred them into tiny pieces all over the freshly hoovered carpet.

(2) Dogs must not steal dirty knickers from the wash pile and proceed to play tug with them in full view of the neighbours.

The letters that the postman brings are for me. None are addressed "Lennon". Please leave them on the mat, and DON'T take them upstairs!

When mummy is talking to daddy, do not try to join in the conversation unless asked to do so..

Your tongue is not a human nostril cleaning device, please desist.
Becky

If I have, perhaps, fallen asleep on the sofa, I do NOT need waking up every 10 minutes to check whether I am still breathing.

Nor does the waking up need to be a full-face licking and huffing, nor do I need standing on...

5am is not time to get up. Nor is it time to stand and stare at me until I let you get on the bed....

oh all right up you get

The newpaper is for me to read, not a new toy for you to chew up and scatter everywhere....okay it was for me to read

Wasps are neither food nor toys. You know it will end in much shiba screaming - kindly leave the little smeggers alone!

Yes I do love you, but no, I do not want you climbing on my knee for a cuddle when you are soaking wet and muddy.

Nor will smacking the shutdown button on my laptop endear you more to me, you'll only have to wait longer while I reboot and finish off what I was doing.