they can be so sneaky you have to set out specifics, no just running around the drops, to use the soap and washer, nothing in the bathroom than that. So trying my cousin still has hygiene issues and he is ............... will miss that bit as you might dispair

If he's stinky I'm surprised other kids haven't picked up on it and commented tbh.
Maybe get someone who has a relaxed relationship with him to have a chat and find out what he's trying achieve, is he after a particular look, etc. that can be achieved by washing and then dressing down, putting products on the hair etc. He clearly doesn't want a hair cut maybe he wants to grow it. I'd try to let him decide for himself what he wants to do but make certain stipulations, such as you can grow your hair but it has to be clean. If you want it to look grungy that's fine but achieve it with products and make sure you wash them out every day.
Actually I think it's lovely that he's trying to have the childhood he's missed out on, but he obviously needs to understand that includes being clean and fragrant. I find bribery in the form of contributing to something he really wants like a stereo, bike, t.v etc works wonders.

hee! hee! he wants the hair cut...not the washing it LOL but we've done a deal...well I did, I washed the hair....so he can have it cut.

He moaned and yelled the whole way through we've had tears (and a few swear words) and now he's moaning that ''my hair is wet now'' anyways off to get it cut now...I did the barber a favour there I can tell you.

Yes its lovely to see him doing childrens things at last although he's still struggling but thanks he'll get there.....heres hoping

Just reading this, and another thought popped into my head. I dont know anything about this lads past, but maybe there is something else going on with the washing thing. My SIL is a foster parent and Im a special needs teacher, so have come across loads of strange and sad behaviours. Is it possible tha he may have had a bad association with water and soap in the past? Something that would make him think its far better to be smelly than clean and attractive? If hes had to 'survive' and has missed out on a child hood, he sounds like hes not had a great start. One of the foster children that my SIL had, was abused in the bathroom, as it was the only room with a lock. He used to have the towel whipped off of him, and was taunted as well as being abused. Its just that there may be more going on than just a dislike of water.

Ive got a few things to suggest, but it might be better via Pm.

Do you think he might listen to our Paul, he likes him and I think respects him. I'm sure Paul could have a quiet word...man to man with him.

xxxx

Yes we have had those children too, frightening really. I think our boy more had to survive regards keeping the family together and being out and about gaining stuff ie money etc., so his is not a fear more a never had the time, being never told his hygenie was as important as gioing from place to place gathering the ''family needs'' I think he's more inclinded to think ''he doesn't need the attention'' he's abit like ''the artful Dodger'' of the world
I was thinking about paul today, maybe a chat would be good, I know he respects Paul

oh hun, hes avoiding it so badly its like there is an reason for it,

its defo a problem, I guess thats the hard part of your job, these things often stem back to past lifes, just forcing him to wash as you know is not going to solve anything, its something that needs to be sorted from the root up.

best of luck hun, I know you will do everything to sort this out for the wee fella. x

Do you know Shona...I think the problem lies with he doesn't think he's worthy of stuff.