Originally Posted by
Strangechilde
Ah, Christmas. The hollity, the jollity, the skippy skippy doo. The lights, the songs, the gift-giving, the wondrical, magicous, fansplendapular spirity-wirity-widdly-poo.
Spare me. Please, no, honestly, just do. Either that or be merciful and suffocate me with the elf ears already. I used to not mind Christmas, not really. I've never celebrated it, not even as a child; my family belonged to some crazy religious cult that held all things joyful to belong to some wonderland you only get if a certain number of changeable and arbitrary criteria are met, so I have no sentimental attachment to it, but I don't mind if other people do. Good for them! Really, truly, good for them-- if it's magical and wonderful and uplifting and awesome, that's excellent, and being excellent to each other, surely one of the best moral prescriptions around, involves welcoming and rejoicing in excellence that befalls others, right? Right? Even if I don't want any sodding part of it, right? I can do that, right?
Oh no. No, no no no no, sorry old bean, oh ha, you thought that was a thing, you poor dear. I used to not mind it, but now I hate Christmas with a passion, and that's a shame, because there is a lot to like about it. The Christmas mass is beautiful, for a start. Some of the songs are even good. But come on. There is a point-- it comes earlier and earlier every year, now it seems to happen before the leaves even start to hint that they might be a little less green than they were, that people seem to forget how to use a calendar and all of a sudden it's ***Is it Christmas? OH MY EVER SQUINGING PIE OF GLORY YES!!!
YES!!! YES IT IS CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!*** when the answer is actually, no, it's OCTOBER, it hasn't even been Halloween yet, for the love of anything, anything at all, will you people stop putting lights up and guzzling disgusting liqueurs made of mostly milk and something even more appalling and
just let me put this pumpkin on my head, allright? NO DO NOT SPICE IT AND PUT IT IN COFFEE IT IS GOING ON MY HEAD AND THEN I AM GOING TO EAT IT. Sheesh. It's a
squash. It's
food, okay? Okay.
Seriously though... it does come earlier and earlier, which is annoying in itself, but then when the actual day arrives everyone is thoroughly sick of it. What's magical about fairy lights when they've been up for three months and half of them are dead already, the ornaments painstakingly handmade out of dough are turned to black mouldy sludge, the cat has ingested and barfed up way more tinsel than you ever put out, someone has sabotaged every copy of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer they can find (thank you, whoever you are) and everyone is about to collapse from shopping-induced stress and diabetic coma, even if they're not diabetic, and the only people remotely excited are toddlers who aren't going to come down from their sugar high until June and you can time three hours after dawn by the screaming, because that's how long it took them to open their presents, and the screaming begins when they find out that they only got seven hundred and eighty two gifts and none of them are the only thing they wanted (which was everything).
But that's not the worst part. The worst part is having it rammed down your throat, day in and day out, and people going out of their way to point out for you that you you are a miserable excuse for toxic pond scum for not participating. If you say you don't celebrate Hanukkah because you aren't Jewish, that's fine, but mention that you don't celebrate Christmas and people look at you like you just told them that you eat babies with puppy sauce for Satanbash. It's not just for Christians, it's for everybody! they say, stabbing you through the ear with a light-up bauble while secretly replacing everything in the shop you want to buy with egg nog and sausages wrapped in what may as well be baby in puppy sauce for all I know what it is. Join in the festive spirit! Don't be a Scroogy McPolPotPants! Jingle those bells! I said jingle 'em!
How about... not? Usually it's actively encouraged to respect the traditions of others, and I do, honestly, not mind people going all out on their own Christmas. Light up everything! Give strangers ugly socks! Set puddings on fire! Do whatever it is that floats your boat in your... my goodness, what are you drinking... no, make that
why are you... never mind. Have fun, be happy, and please trust that little treeless, presentless, puddingless people can be happy too.
But please, please, please, no more Rudolph. I'm about to have a psychotic episode over here.
Merry Christmas!