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Location: UK
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 4,616
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Originally Posted by
Jackbox
its not how I look at parenting, my kids will never be on their own.
Quite agree
I don`t agree, If you don`t know what is so shocking about your attitude, then its no point in trying to tell you.
What happens if one of her children does want to come back and live you you after they finish uni, will you tell them they are on their own now
You have a different understanding of what being a parent is about to me then...
Originally Posted by
Leanne_W
Hmmmm, i'm 34 and have always lived with my parents. I did move out for 2.5 years with my boyfriend when we got a mortgage but it didnt work out and so I moved back home. There was never any question on where I would go other than back to my parents. In that 2.5 years I lived a fully independent life, balancing the running of a very nice house and a full time job. Yes, after that it's hard to go 'back home' and I long for my full independence again but unfortunately life doesnt always work out the way we plan.
My sister also moved back home after being evicted from her flat and went on to have a further 2 children there (making a total of 3). She's gone again now but having numerous kids, being on benefits and having a boyfriend who works means she is able to afford her own place.
Both of us would've been in the sh1t if my parents had adopted the attitude 'once you're 18 you're on your own'.
Originally Posted by
Jackbox
My chidren are 32 and 27 , my daughter is just about to move in with her boyfriend, my son got his own place about 5/6 years ago,
Never in a million years would I have taken the attitude ethat once they reach 18 their own
You have children for life, there is no cut of point to stop becoming a parent.
Originally Posted by
alexgirl73
I actually agree with Malka on this one. I didn't have my children just to chuck them out once they reach the magical age of 18
Children are for life, not just for Christmas
Originally Posted by
Trouble
I have 2 sons. one lived at home until he was 26 the other has recently moved out and he's nearly 24 and I miss having them around. I like my sons, I enjoy their company and vice versa I guess because they phone frequently and visit pretty often too and I agree with Jackbox, my kids will never be on their own while I draw breath. I will always be there for them, how sad to shove them out the door at 18 and wash your hands of them and I speak as someone who was on their own from the age of 17 as both parents had died but that was circumstances not them thinking it was time I stood on my own two feet. I have 2 step children and I'm not particularly fond of either of them but if they needed help or a roof over their head I'd still be there for them.
Originally Posted by
Helen
I didn't leave home until I was 21 but I'm sure I would have been more than welcome to stay for as long as I wanted/needed to. There is no way I would have been ready, at 18, to live on my own and I'm glad that my parents didn't take that attitude.
I know a lot of people who went to Uni and then went back to live at home. A lot of it down to financial reasons. What happens if they can't afford to live on their own? Is the state expected to look after your children, because you don't want to?
Helen
Right, now you're all done preaching about how you're all such better parents than myself and my wife, let me explain to you how WE view our role in OUR children's lives. As I've already said I only refer to them as my wife's children/step children for the sake of pointing out that I did not give birth. I request that if you're going to criticize the way WE are parenting that you address our family in the appropriate way. I am not a step mother, I am their other mother, I have not disrespected you and your parenting choices so do not disrespect ours.
My wife and I have a different viewpoint to most people in general society, however, everyone I went to school with (EVERYONE, not one single exception and there were nearly 100 of us in my year!) went to Uni and moved out straight afterwards. My wife unfortunately didn't go to Uni she left her parent's to move in with her ex, something she regrets, the children would never be made to leave to move in with a partner, they know that at 18 they will be moving to go to University. They are being encouraged to be independent, well-adjusted, confident children and moving out to go to University at 18 will give them the confidence to follow the paths in life they wish to. They are academically very bright, they will create excellent careers I have no doubt, and they will be welcome to stay during the University holidays and post graduation they will be expected to begin their careers and lives independently from us. They will always be welcome to visit, and if for example something happened like they were in a violent relationship/made redundant etc then we would of course offer somewhere for them to stay in an emergency situation, however, they will never live with us permanently, nor will they ever live with a partner under our roof, or have children whilst living with us (again, just to point out so that there is no confusion, if their partners and children come with them to stay briefly then that is fine!)
I live quite close to my father at the moment, but I have lived all over the country, hours and hours away from him, he will probably move abroad when he retires, and no chance in this world would I stop him or even believe I have a say in the matter. I am an adult in my own right and he is also one, he is my dad but he does not parent me! Rachel lives 7 hours away from her father and siblings (her mother passed away nearly 2 years ago) and has done since the age of 19. Parents aren't there to bail you out, we will always be happy to advise the children regarding their decisions. The children know what is expected of them, and are both excited about their careers, our daughter wants to be a vet in Africa and our son wants to be a biochemist. Obviously this will probably change, but they have high aspirations for their futures and we will obviously continue to be proud of them, and support their choices.
Perhaps it is a difference in backgrounds, but we believe that encouraging the children to live an independent and successful life is the way forwards, not babying them and giving them excuses not to work hard for their futures. My friends are dotted around the globe, working in wonderful high powered professions, others are now married with children of their own, they were all encouraged in the same way we are encouraging our children to create their own paths in life - what wonderful and exciting paths they are!
I will not judge you for your parenting choices, I request that you do not judge ours.
This thread was not about who is the best parent on dogsey, or indeed about our own personal lives, it was about a TV show, I suggest future posts remain on topic and personal insults towards me and my wife and our family cease, our children are very happy, well-rounded, mature and well-educated, we are sacrificing a lot to give them the best education our money can buy, just as my parents did. I adored my parents, and I still do, and I am so so grateful for all they did for me, including encouraging me to move out and make a life for myself without relying on them post University! If you think we are wrong, that is your opinion, please keep it to yourself.
Thank you.