My Friend finally lost her fight for life

Some of you may remember, a friend of mine who lives opposite me, was urgently admitted to hospital a month ago tomorrow with a perforated abcess on her bowel. She has spent the last month in the High Dependency Ward, hooked up to numerous machines, all of which were keeping her alive. She had another operation on her bowel to remove more infection a week or so ago, which quite honestly amazed all of us the fact that she pulled through yet again, and this left her husband feeling quite optimistic that she would now make it. On his last visit, he actually fed her a yoghurt, and although she couldn't talk, the naughty nurse as he called her, removed her tracheotamy (sp!!) tube from her throat and told her to tell her husband how much she loved him, which she did, and then swiftly put it back again. He went shopping feeling on top of the World that his wife was going to pull through, and then he was called back by the doctors that same afternoon, i.e. yesterday. They told him they had done all they could possibly do, there was nothing left to fix, her bowel was not there anymore they couldn't stitch it, they couldn't remove any more, it was non-existent due to the secondary infection she had got after the first op.) He told them to start switching everything off........ they did ....... she was dead in only 10 minutes, bless her soul.

He has just been down to me for a cup of coffee and a fag, he poured his heart out to me, I could only sit and listen (I'm a very good listener, surprising as it may seem), I chose my words very carefully before uttering anything, I only made him laugh after he had made me laugh first, and I think I lifted his spirits. Enough for him to walk away smiling. His daughter is desperate to meet me, we've never met, but she knows all about me and my friendship with her mum, and they all call me her "sister" coz we were soooo alike (telling it like it is!). She touched my heart in the short time I knew her, only 5 years, but I feel physically drained now, having spent the last 2 hours with her lost husband, who just needed a bit of reassurance, some company, and some answers to some questions, and hopefully I've given him the right ones, and in the right way too I hope.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't such a shoulder to cry on, or the person you turn to for help, it drains me now in my old age quite honestly.

So here I am, a week before Christmas, with a funeral to go to next Monday of a very good friend, and my very best friend having her 2nd breast cancer operation next Tuesday I don't know how I'm expected to behave now in the run up to Christmas, which has always been my most favourite time of the year - up until now that is! Gimme strength somebody, and please tell me not ALL things go in 3's but somehow they always have for me in the past, I'll just have to keep everything crossed for my friend next Tuesday I suppose, big time! Thanks for listening, I needed to tell somebody, I feel so very drained now

I'm so sorry it's just so sad

I am so sorry Helen

Thanks Fernsmum, only 60 with two new grand-children who adored her, who haven't been told yet (1 and 2), and all so very sudden, nobody can believe this quite honestly

Oh no! Aitch honey, I'm so very sorry to hear this. I know how optimistic you were that she'd recover. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you at this very sad time but I don't All I can say is you've been a wonderful friend to her and her husband and neither of them will forget that. You'll get through the funeral because you have to and that's what we do. You'll dust yourself off, brush yourself off and cuddle Dave, your mum and Georgie Just know that you've done your best by them and there's nothing else you could do. We're here if you need us and Cassie sends her Auntie Aitch the biggest wags and licks ever. xxxxx

so sorry H - hugs from me.

Oh dear H this is the last thing you need right on top of Christmas.
I can't help feeling better this, than a life with tubes in every orafice. Such a cruel end after all her fighting.
You have been such a good friend to her and her hubby, he must be so grateful to have you there.
Everyone turns to you but you know we are here for you too if you want a virtual shoulder to cry on.
Take care sweetheart, you must look after yourself too you know

Sorry to hear your sad news.

Hope everything goes OK for your friend next Tuesday.

Oh Helena - so, so sad and she was far too young.
((Hugs)) to you honey and bless you for being such a good friend to her and her husband.
It is often hard for those left behind as people don't know what to say and so sometimes avoid the issue totally - so lovely of you to sit and listen to her hubby just when he needed an ear.

Take care xx

Thanks Kirsty.xx
Thanks Jackie, you made me cry now, but then I suppose that's good for me the way I feel right now, so thanks for that!xxxx
Thanks Dani.xx
Thanks Jen, I'm sure YOU for one will know exactly just why that nurse did that for him hey?!xxx
Thanks Phil, I'd really like to say a few words if I could stop myself blubbering, we'll see, I might if I can.
Thanks Jo. He knew where to come didn't he I suppose. I felt quite honoured that they have christened me her "sister", and I also feel quite honoured that her daughter whom I've never even met, came to meet me this morning when I was out too. I expect I will get a really big hug off her on Tuesday won't I, she knew how her mum and I had hit it off coz I expect Maureen often spoke about the good laughs we had together.

They were one of those couples who did everything together, they only went out together, they were soul mates, bit like me and Dave, and he cannot face being alone in the house, although he has a teenage son at Uni, it's not the same as having your soul mate around is it somehow.

The poor daughter, with two new babies, has been travelling down from London on a daily basis to visit her Mum (60 mile each way)and she has wasted away to nothing according to another friend of mine up the road.

In a way, it's a blessing in disguise that this has happened, because she wouldn't have wanted to live the way she would have ended up, I know that, and he would never have been able to cope.

She came to a Colin Fry evening with me last June, and was desperate to hear from her dear old Mum who she adored, so I told him, that's just where she'll be right now, back in the arms of her beloved mum, of that I'm sure, and as you know, I'm always right!