Marriage Jokes

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells' " when you die' I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Wife -Cold As Ever"

"Yeah?" she replies. When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:

"Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"

Didn't he ask for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Husband (A doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says' "And your no good in bed either"

After some time' he realises he was a bit nasty and decides to make amends so he rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings'

The irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answerthe phone"

She says "I was in bed"

" In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!!

(Yep he had that one coming too!!!!!")


A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement .
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother Of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,"Shall we go home "Mother Of Six?"

His wife, irritated by his lack of discretion , shoutsright back,

"Anytime you're ready, Father Of Four."

(Gone yersel hen!!!!!)


A man and his wife were having problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realised that the next day, he would need his wife to waken him at 5:00am for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he wrote on a piece of paper,

"Please wake me at 5:00am." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up,only to discover it was 9:00am and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said,

"It is 5:00am. Wake up"


(Men are not eqipped for these kind of contestsare they:smt044 :smt044 :smt044 :smt044 :smt044 :smt044


God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece :smt043 :smt043 :smt043 :smt043 :smt043 :smt043 :smt043

Hope all you women enjoy these ones!!!!

they are fab esp the silent treatment one!!!!

Ah thanks for those, just waht I needed tonight x

I Love them!!!!!!

PMSL:smt044 :smt044 :smt044 :smt044 :smt044 :smt044