A Different Perspective

Having read all the 'isn't this terrible stories' and 'I know what I would do to these people' on the forum I was beginning to think I was in a real minority in feeling sadness and compassion for people who know only hate and a desire to harm and do not have the capacity to love. It may be an unpopular view but to me being full of hate for the perpetrates of horrible acts and wishing to inflict pain on them makes us no better than they are.

Feeling rather depressed about all this I turned on the radio (radio 4) and heard one of the saddens, shocking and most uplifting programmes I have ever heard..Frank Gardener who was shot in Saudi Arabia now a paraplegic interviewing people involved with and survivors of the July bombings in London..
Among the horrendous descriptions to dreadful to write about here (but you can listen to it on the BBC site) I was struck by the lack of anger and bitterness of those people involved, in particular one young woman soon to be married who described her overwhelming desire to survive as in the dim light of the scene from hell that was an underground train she surveyed what was left of her legs.
This young woman feels no anger or bitterness for the bombers, only sadness and that in some way they were also victims of circumstance too as are many who perform terrible acts of every kind . I have heard these sentiments expressed before by people who have experienced terrible things in their lives many of whom in spite of what has happened have gone on to live lives free of bitterness .

One thing people often remember in these situations is the many little acts of kindness from people around , a hand held, clothes given to make a pillow, words of comfort, a phone call to reassure relatives.
Listening to that young woman I felt both humbled and uplifted to know that there are such people for whom retribution plays no part, those who get on and live what is after all just one short lifetime. I feel people like these redress the balance a little in a world where only bleak stories make the news, those who through their strength of character never allow hate and bitterness to win the day !

Mini I agree with you.... that's why I haven't even posted on all these threads that have popped up.

I think it's a waste of time to think such bitter thoughts...

I have a particular situation going on here, that I have hated someone for years and years.... The person in question really pushed the boat last year, and did some terrible things to people close to me, hurting them deeply for his own material gain. I find, instead of hating, I pity that poor person for their lack of morals and values in life.... I know they will live a very lonely life....

Tuti I am glad you can look at things this way... bitterness and anger eat away at people and ruin lives. It takes some people a whole lifetime before they realise this.. by then it is too late they have wasted many years dwelling on the negative and seeing only that which is bad. It may not have felt like it at the time but in your situation you were the winner !

The threads do no good hate begets hate and to spend your life filled with hate is not living is it?

Karen

I wish I could be as forgiving!
In some cases, I do feel sorrow for the people doing certain crimes etc because with their background, they didnt stand a hope!
I find the people such as those that have lost limbs in bombings etc, that dont feel anger or hate amazing! I cannot imagine not feeling bitter!
I know, logically, it would be bad to do so, you are not doing yourself any good, but honestly, I cannot imagine myself being so forgiving!
Does that make me a bad person?
These crimes and cruelty towards animals really makes my blood boil! I just find it so hard to understand! Maybe I am being narrowminded, I dont know? I just cannot find a reason or explanation as to why they do this!

Am getting all cowardly and worrying that my answer may upset someone! Hope it doesnt! Am not very articulate at expressing feelings...........sorry.

Miss Potter I don't think you post could upset anyone, it is natural for some people to feel bitter when terrible things happen to them, and for some to say they would be less forgiving...and no of course saying that does not make them bad people we are after all each of us different...
I do not like to think of any living thing in pain human or animal, what always surprises me though is people saying they would in turn inflict pain on another in retribution as if that will in some way right a wrong.
When a child is born with some terrible visible defect that they have to carry with them throughout life we feel compassion for that child...but those born with defects of the brain that we can't see ..or those that have life experiences which make them different from the rest of us receive little understanding from many. (Brain scans have revealed people with different personality defects have different reactions to things).
I just hope that one day we will understand many things better, and instead of dwelling on the bad things in life will see more of the good things also

I understand your post entirely Mini, and I have heard about that sad story of the reporter getting shot too, but can you honestly put your hands up, say, to the story shady related about those young kids throwing that poor collie puppy over the side of the balcony, watching it fall and splat on the ground and killing it, and say "oh never mind, those kids must have had an awful time of it" and forgive them? I know I couldn't!

I too had the most horrendous childhood during my teenage years, living in a very violent household where a lot of drink was involved, and how I never ended up a nervous wreck I will never know, but nothing, nothing that had happened to me as a young child, would ever make me a different person to the one I am now. You are what you are in my view, and some people are just plain evil no matter what their circumstances were, or are now. I cannot see where you're coming from Mini, I really can't, you must be one very compassionate, forgiving person. I wish I did have that in me, but I don't, I feel no compassion or forgiveness whatsoever to the evil people living amongst us.

What about the film "Silence of the Lambs" you can forgive somebody like that???? I bet if you spoke to some of these psychiatrists they would tell you that some people are born just plain evil, others maybe through experiences have turned that way, but I cannot for the life of me forgive anyone who finds pleasure in hurting a poor innocent creature, I'm sorry but I really can't.

I was going to keep off this thread Helena but all you have put down are my feelings entirely. I am not into human rights and forgiveness. I am not a bitter and twisted person but find people who commit terrible acts against animals and children should not be given space on this earth, there is simply no excuse for it ever in my opinion

I agree with Mini. Hate breeds Hate and people shouldn't be persectuted for something which they have inherited through their genes. As much as I would like to see an end to all suffering in society, sadly our laws and our hospitals are ill equipped to deal with such people. IMO it's the government that is at fault.

Hi Miss Porter,
No that doesnt make you a bad person! I only know to well what its like BUT I dont hate those that have done harm BUT I wont forgive them.
It takes a very strong person to be able not to hate and show love and compassion for the perp's that have done this to them and I'm not that strong I'm afraid