Family disagreements on dog ownership...

So it turns out my fiance and I have rather different views on looking after dogs... He doesn't understand why I don't want to leave Rogan essentially home alone (bar my disabled mother and the cats) from 5pm till the next morning, when he and I know full well that he makes a fair amount of noise, can be destructive and if I give him his dinner then disappear till the next day, I'll come back to messes.

He also thinks it'll be fine to leave him all day when we're working full time, and I could've been speaking a different language when I mentioned a dog walker/sitter, even just to let him out for the toilet.

His family have always had dogs, whereas I've only had Rogan a few months, so he bases his thoughts on their 'experience', despite the fact their 7/8 year old BC is overweight, overfed, under excercised, half trained, barks almost constantly, and will resource guard EVERYTHING horribly from any other dog. They 'train' with shouting, bats on the nose and the threateningly rolled up newspaper. His sisters couldn't understand why I wanted to get Rogan a harness while he learns to walk on a lead, suggesting I should just let him choke himself, and pull him back to my heel.

I've made it very clear that he's not to shout at Rogan, let alone raise a hand to him; but I have to constantly correct his family when Rogan barks to seek attention like their Collie does, and they try and stop him by shouting 'No!'

Needless to say, I've told him that even once we're married this time next year, Rogan will always, without question, be My Dog. He's far from an angel, but I'll do everything in my power to make sure he doesn't end up like their foul mannered BC. Getting fiance onboard could be tricky though...

Does anyone else have stubborn OHs? Family members that seem to go out of their way to 'spoil' your dogs? How do you manage the situation?

Maybe getting him to come along to a good dog class with you, one that uses proven positive reinforcement techniques. Or I tv he wont do that, be there while a trainer comes to see you at home, to address issues that OH finds annoying like barking. Or even print off some clicker training articles and leave them lying around in a stategic mess? Tbh im with you on this one but I'm not sure I can really help much. Maybe speak to him about just trying out your ways for a while and take it from there?

Tbh, althouhh there was never the issue of my dog being hit, when there was no effort and so little respect being shown....after a long time of trying, I left basically. So I may not be the person you wanted to answer really

Maybe theres other areas at home where if you give and take, he may give and take a bit more when it comed to dealing with the dog. I don't know you so its hard to suggest anything really.

Hope everything works out ok x

Hope you could understand my post, on my phone not very good at it...

i would not entertain the idea of a long term relationship with anyone who did not have a feel/understanding of dogs as it would just not work out no matter how much i was into the person, my partner understands dogs and as importantly my wish/desire to spend as much time reading,training and understanding my 3, it is my passion but it also requires a great deal of time a lot of which quite a few people would not live with.
I am lucky i feel as met, fell in love with and spend my time with someone who allows that to happen and as importantly shares the joy as well.
Obviously that is not advice too you but just my feelings on your post.

This would be a no brainer for me. My most recent ex once commented 'you think more of that dog than you do of me'.

He was absolutely correct (for a change). I also thought of my dog more often than I thought about him!

I guess you must definately love him for all his warts then? the Oh I mean ^^

My parents come from old school backgrounds, newspapers, shouting, rubbing the dogs nose in its own mess (my dad suggested that) they havent the faintest clue about dogs today and sadly it doesnt help that many of their friends believe this attitude.

I made it clear from the off that I was never going accept these methods of training. But no matter what I said my parents wouldnt listen and low and behold mum suggested a newspaper to counter Milies chwing the next thing I know she is hitting my dog with it! And all friends back her up with the words you just have to be firm!

Lets to say the first months of dog ownership were so stressfull that I nearly gave up all together.

Then I started to introduce positive praise when Millie does what she wants them to praise her! And that worked. Once Id got both parents involved Millies aggresiveness changed completely she was learning the rules of the house with positive praise, clicker training alone and turned to be ver responsive to this.

Mum still believes we should have been stricter and doesn't want to admit she was wrong to do what she did.

I can now pick Millie up and give her a cuddle without her having my face off,

I can sit next to her and shair the couch without her challangeing me for it and going for my hands

If I ask her away from the door she will come out of the way. While she still very nervous around strangers I cant blame her for that it will take time but I know we will get their eventually.

I accept that my parents are not bad people just misguided. This was how their parents taught them and the suprising thing was they werent bad people either.

I think you need to put your foot down - this is something you can`t really compromise over. If he is willing to understand that this is important to you and to adapt, that`s great. If not - what will you do in the ensuing battles over friends, family and children?
My ex tried to beat my dog once. I went for his throat and it provoked the only stand-up fight we ever had. Many years later he started on the kids and I divorced him immediately.
Dogs and kids are dependent on us. You can`t compromise.

i have a similar problem with my entire family really i think only my mum understands.

My real dad is old school he likes the 2 finger nose tap. he also thinks dog should be left to be dogs 1 of his yorkies is very old now and the other 3 and now starting to fight over who is the new boss - he leaves them to it. There dog aggressive and are left to it. When he comes over here he always play fights with phoebe no matter how much i tell him not to as i dont want her play fighting with people jumping up and biting plus my dad is paralysed down one side of his body so phoebe always wins the fight then dad moans shes out of control.

my step dad is so soft his own dogs walk over him and phoebe does the same. she can do wrong with my step dad and she totally takes advantage i usually end up shutting her away.

My brother - i think its down the security stuff but he demands 100% compliance from dogs at all times and acts in a very dominant way. Phoebe does not like him and tends to stay away. He keeps offering to come and do some training with her i decline this offer

Then there is my husband - hes a weird one. On some things he is so strict with phoebe and others she does as she pleases. When she has a paddy on walks he stops and just stands there with her going wild and does nothing, he lets her pull with no direction atall. At first he was all about shouting that i hate. he things dog training is a load of "tosh" i have got him round on a few training things such as tricks as he likes doing that. When he feeds her he wont let her eat it for a few mins she will just stand infront of bowl waiting for him to say ok! this can go on for a min or so but a few times hes forgot to tell her and shes sat there ages. Im not sure what this is about why hes trained it. But when i try she pushes me out the way and eats the food any way.
We always argu about phoebe its our main argument. i got him round on some of the training by doing it infront of him and having lots of fun doing it he usually ended up joining in. i also made him follow us on a walk once so he could see how much nicer it is to not be pulled all over the place.

hope you manage to sort something

All my dogs are mine and although OH will help out with them he leaves all decisions regarding them to me .
That ways suits us all

Personally I wouldn't entertain him....however thats only IMO.

I raise my voice though to mine with a stern NO if they keep barking but I think you mean screaming and shouting at them?? that I don't do.

Patrick is very laid back with the dogs unlike my ex hubby who moaned constant about the dogs we had and thought they should live outside most of the day whatever the weather, funnily enough Patrick hates dogs living outside

But I will say on my part 'these' are not spoilt and Pat leaves the training to me although he's happy to sing from the same song sheet too