Is he married? What's your take on this?

My best friend has a 22yr old daughter. She's very beautiful, very trendy, but not so good in the intelligence dept unfortunately!

She started a relationship with a man at work before Christmas, he's older than her, but she fancied him for ages before he asked her out. According to HIM, he has left his wife, but he has his 10 yr. old son nearly every week-end. He moved out back in June last year, and is living in a rented flat with a friend of his. He sees my friend's daughter or phones her most evenings during the week, but never at the week-ends of late because he has his 10yr. old son for the whole week-end?! At Christmas he had to go over to his ex-wife's a lot too because of his son, both Christmas Day and Boxing Day. She is getting very close to him and has started asking if he's going to get his own place, coz at the moment, they either have to come to her mum's where she lives, or it's over to his place where his mate is. If he does see her on a Saturday night, he only pops in during the evening, but doesn't stay long saying his mate back at his flat is looking after the boy. If she stays at his place, he asks her to go at around 3.00 am.?????!!!! He says he cannot tell his wife about her because she is a nutter and would stop him seeing his boy, although apparently she's a social worker, so I can't see that she'd be a real nutter???!!!

Bearing in mind he left last June, and is still sharing a rented flat with his mate! Errr, why when his intention is to start a new life if he really HAS left his wife? He earns good money, has a Mercedes car, so he can afford it. Also, why can't he tell his wife about his new relationship of 6 months if he's left her anyway? It doesn't ring true to me, and I strongly suspect he's using her for his week-day entertainment? What do you think??? She's very gullable, more gullable than I was at 22, but then she's been kept very under the wing at home before she went out into the big wide world. I told my friend she should be watching more Jeremy Kyle shows to see what happens in the real World!!!! She's really smitten with him, and I hope I'm wrong, but the more she told me about it, the more I suspect he's a player!!!

To sum it all up, she has an older boyfriend who won't tell his ex-wife he's in a relationship of 6 months, he doesn't take her out at week-ends coz he has his son over, and he hasn't got his own flat and he's very well off!!!! Player!!!!

hmmm bit suss to me...

why is he so eager to cling on? thats what i would be asking....

also how on earth would a mother be happier having her son stay a weekend at a strangers flat tht her ex hubbie is dossing in than him having his own home for th boy to stay at????

If everything is over with his x why not tell her, and your friends daughter be introduced to his son.
Think theres more than she knows.

I don't really know what is going on, but just from experience maybe he just has to put his son first. My son had major problems from his ex partner if she even thought he was seeing someone else, she would make all manner of excuses why he could not have his son at weekends then. Although they had split she had not moved on and was always jealous if she thought he was seeing someone else. Another thing is maybe when the couple split there were a lot of debts for him to sort so maybe that is why he is still renting a place with a mate until he can get his finances straight again. I may be entirely wrong but I am just thinking from another angle.

The cynic in me says your right Aitch. Don't like the way it sounds

If she's smitten, there's not a lot you can do, unless you want to be the messenger who gets shot.
Unfortunately with boyfriends she might have to learn it the hard way - so yes, from what you say, I think he's dubious too.

It does sound very strange indeed your friends daughter should be careful of getting hurt x

my mate has several cottages she rents and to be honest, this is a pretty normal set up for a newly split couple, we see so much of it, ps just because she is a SW makes her no diff to any other woman, they can be nutts too, many women use children to control men when they leave, ps he may not be able to pay for a place of his own as she is strangling him for cash, or he hopes to get back with her and you mates daughter is just a toy to play with in the mean time, x

Thanks for all the input, my friend is coming round on Saturday morning, and I told her I'd put up a thread on here coz she thinks the same as I do on this, she was asking my advice last night, so thanks! I think you've hit it on the head there Shona, I'm thinking he's using her too!

She's had quite a few long term relationships in the past and always ends up the one getting hurt, and I fear the same will happen here. I'm guessing this guy is wanting to get back with his wife, so he's doing everything she says to keep her happy, otherwise, why wouldn't he just tell her about his new relationship? He doesn't have to say it's a permanent one, he could just ask her what her feelings are should he find another woman couldn't he? I can see it coming

The daughter has cottoned on also to this home alone every week-end, and she is going to put up with it for another month and then give him an ultimatum, and I suspect that's when the poo will hit the fan!!!

After all, when you're in a relationship you expect to see the person nearly every night don't you, and definitely on week-ends!!! There's a song that goes "you don't leave your BEST girl at home on a saturday night" do you???? This has been going on since before Christmas too, that's why I'm thinking like I do. If the mother works full time, she obviously doesn't see her child much during the week, and then she would rather her ex-husband has him all week-end every week-end? I don't think so somehow! We'll see, and thanks again for putting your views, I will show her this when she comes round.

Something doesnt seem right to me either, like you said, maybe hes trying to get back together with his wife