Spoke to Tracy today

My dad phoned her this morning, I need my passport for a job interview on Wednesday and she can't find it. I was upset and asked to talk to her, she told me she's not in love with me, because of all the arguing she just didn't feel that she could cope with it anymore. She's promised she's not with anyone else and that she doesn't want to be with anyone else. She's told me that when I get therapy up and running and I've calmed down and sorted my anger, then we will talk, but she's not making any promises. I told her I loved her and she said "i know" but then I said it again and she said "I love you too". I know she's angry with me, but I'm hoping that we might sort it if I can prove to her that I've changed.

Just got to hope I get this job on Wednesday!

Love to all xxxx

I hope you do well with the Job interview

Do you feel that you have issues with anger that you need to get sorted then? Or is it just something she is saying??

good luck with the job interview. Don`t let her put ideas in your head about you being the one with problems. If you feel you need to work stuff out then fine. Don`t let her dictate to you ....

Good luck for Wednesday Lorna, glad you've spoken to her, but I bet it's sent your head spinning again now! You shouldn't really have spoken to her ya know!!! I know you couldn't help it, but like fudgeley says, don't let her call the tune. The only way she's gonna be remotely interested again, is when you've done like I said and get yourself sorted, and you can prove to her that you have - somehow! The only important thing at the moment is YOU and that job, and you know that deep down, so don't let this bog you down with moving on. It's going to take time, a lot of time, and a lot of effort on your part, and if it was meant to be it will - you just gotta wait for it!! Hope you're feeling ok, but I know that phone call will have knocked you back again! Tcht, norty girl, you should never have spoken to her, she's opened up wounds that might have started healing!xx

therapy ??? she is angry with you ???

good luck for the new job hun BUT crikey your sure being picked on for being the person you are ...sorry but if she dosen't love you for who you are then move on girl

I know I've got anger issues, I raise my voice and I don't even know I'm doing it (dad pointed that one out!) and there is no need for the rows that we've had, and that I've started. I feel ok, bit shakey, and like I wish I was there, but at the same time, I'm so grateful to have heard her voice and for her to have spoken to me!

I love her so much, and I know I've got to get myself sorted, but I know I'm really doing it for her - I love her so much, I just can't help it!!!

xxxx

just 1 point get help for you and only you, if you manage to work things out in time great but don't think it will happen it may not then think how your'll feel.
i would hate you to get sorted out then be dropped like a ton of bricks and feel like you do now again down the line.

do it for yourself and no other reason then you can't loose.

sweetheart,stop it rite now
she is messing with u again
wether you have anger probs or not she cant just leave you everytime you need supporting

hopefully you can sort your probs out(if you really have ne) and then move on

from wot you've said the only prob you have is tracy,sorry,but you dont want to have door mat written on your head for the rest of your life,do you

you sound like a really lovely person and at the mo ur going to believe anything that says its your fault coz atleast that way there hope that you could get back together

I know I could get dropped like a tonne of bricks again, but we have so many happy memories, and although I'm very confused, I don't want to lose those, we really did have some amazing times together, and I think because I've been so grumpy and touchy lately its just pushed her too far. She is one of those people, always has been who when things get hard, she runs away, but that just means its my job to make things easier surely?
If we did get back together ever, I wouldn't move back in anyway, I'd get a house/apartment of my own, and we're talking months down the line.

I miss my stepson today - we'd made plans for tracy for today, we were going to make breakfast in bed for her together, then all take the dogs out for a lovely long walk, and then either my stepson and I were going to cook and clean, or we were going to go out for a nice meal together. Last year finn wrote me a beautiful card I miss him so much, I hope tracy told him yesterday that I missed him and that I sent him big cuddles and kisses.

Anyway......
Catch you guys later! xx