Tips on avoiding a muddy kitchen - Chloe

1. Take 2 mad danes with very big paws - ensure the aforementioned paws have lots of webbing between them for maximum scoopage
2. Add 6 inches of rain per day until the ground is nice and soft and the lawn has been washed away leaving an atractive "ploughed field" effect.
3. Open the back door and close it again, wondering if you can't train a full sized dane to use a cat litter tray in the kitchen
4. Bite the bullet and release 2 desperate danes with crossed legs into the mud
5. Watch incredulously as the aforementioned danes forget their need to have a wee and party, in the mud, dancing around and fighting
6. Clean off the mud from the conservatory windows whilst wearing a protective jacket
7. It is advisable for this NOT to be a dog walking jacket that the 2 danes recognise or you may be doing a Garfield impression against the window
8. Attempt to beat the danes to the back door that has been carelessly left unlocked via the mud track that has developed in 2 seconds flat - avoiding the 4 foot hole that Willis has dug trying to reach Australia/his bone from last year/no bone at all cos he ate it and he forgot

Scenario 1:
Make it to the door first, run in, slam the door and put your weight against it to avoid 16 stone of wet fury hitting it square on and sending you throught he adjacent window. Wipe the mud off the door/wall/step when you finally allow the danes in and try not to get upset at 6inch wide muddy prints making a collage on the kitchen floor. Feed the danes to stop them running into the hall. Try to clean the danes using one tea towell per paw - run out of tea towels. Resort to kitchen roll. Have a fight whilst trying to stop the kitchen roll being eaten Whole.

Scenario 2:
Get overtaken by both danes on the way to the back door, watch as Willis opens the door by standing on the handle - other paw on the door window, as he lets Phoebe and himself in. Cry as they both skid round the kitchen past the fridge, spraying mud. Scream as they both stop to shake and mud, slobber and rain goes all over the kitchen units. Plead as both run into the study and dance on the carpet. Give in till March.

Sounds about right!

Ive given up too, we are just in from a quick trip to the park in the rain and there is mud all over the house.

pmsl Chloe!!!!

Chloe u should write a book!
lol
how about just letting them in the swimming pool first and at least then there'd be no mud on em

noooo Azzz - there's a dead frog in there at the moment, I'm not going anywhere near till Jon's fished it out!

PS - you're not the first person to say I should write a book on the Willarse.

Remember in your history lessons where the huge manor houses had little treadmills in the kitchens where the dogs went round and round and turned the spit with the ox or whatever roasting..............might be a good idea to bring them back during the current mudsoons!
Exercise without mud!

dead frog?! how on earth did that get in there lol

yes write a book, but I didnt mean just on the dogs - u have a flair with words so I rekon u could do the next harry potter type!

The rats pushed it in LOLOLOL

But I have NO imagination - I'd be bored after the first page