Anyone been treated for Depression?

Hubby has been diagnosed with depression It got very bad about 3 weeks ago, so I packed him off to the docs and he's been so much better on his happy pills, and now he's been communicating over the telephone with a councillor of some sort and he says he needs some cognitive therapy, so I just wondered if anybody has any experience of this please?

It's been a very long time that he's been suffering with this, probably about 3 years now, and I only noticed when it got worse, a lot worse, I got very worried about him, but it's not surprising after what we've been through here at home with my old mum, and the terrible stress he has to go through day in day out at work, it's all come to a head.

I went through the form of questions he had to answer to the therapist today and whereas his score was sky high, if I had answered all those questions I would have got "0" as a score, chalk and cheese we are. I want to help him as much as I can, and I have been treading very carefully with him since he got diagnosed, I'm managing to engage brain before opening mouth coz I don't want to depress him even more. He's been so different on these pills though, it's quite unbelievable, but then he said he's trying hard to be cheerful, so maybe they're not as good as I think.

Thanks for any help you might have for me, much appreciated as always.

Myself, My mother and My hubby!

I was on Citalopram and Propranalol for anxiety depression and panic attacks after working at the co-op! Red wine just wasnt hitting the spot anymore! lol

My hubby is on Citalopram as he ahtes his job and gets panicky about confrontation but they keep him on an even keel!

My mum has tried every pill on the planet but none suited her and made her really sleepy! so she has just accepted she is a stroppy french woman with impossibly high standards that no one will ever meet!! pfft!

Anyway

Cognotive behavioural therapy is all about getting him to challenge how he perceives things so as the shed a positive light on any issues and help him overcome them rather than let them be an obsticle.

Its very successful!

As for walking on eggshells, try not to be too careful as it could make him feel like youare treating him like he is fragile which can be very frustrating.

Just be there, listen and let him know you love him and are there. That will be the best help you can give him.

All my best!

Most people suffer from depression at some stage in their lives, lots don't realise that's why they feel so crap and miserable though. The pills don't really kick in until you have been taking them for a couple of weeks. It's good your hubby is having counselling for the underlying cause. The tablets are a bit like a sticking plaster to help you cope whilst you sort out the bigger picture. He sounds like he's in good hands with a very understanding wife.

Thanks Alex, and that's very interesting to see that it can be a "family" type thing, because Dave's sister has been on them for about 2 years since losing her dad, and now, only this week, or 20 year old son has had to go to the doctor coz he's despressed and miserable and he's been put on them too and is awaiting an appointment with a councillor!

Those are the very same pills that Dave has been prescribed the Citaloprams and he's been on them for about a month now and I do notice a huuuuge difference in him, but of course, like I said, he says he's trying harder to get enthused!

I know what you're saying about the eggshell bit, but I'm not doing it to the extent of frustrating him (I hope!), more rather taking the time to make him feel wanted (coz I'm sure he must have felt a bit left out when I had mum to look after, plus a new puppy, you know what I mean?!). Yes, it's definitely been a time for me to stop and think a bit more about how I've been treating him, but when somebody comes home from work, you ask them how the day went, they can't be a*sed to tell you, you just do the usual and go back on the puter. I think I was doing it all wrong to be honest, I think he actually needs me a bit more, he doesn't have close friends like I do, he's a bit of a loner (which doesn't help his case does it), he hates dealing with his customers at work, he'd rather they all went away, so all in all, I'm the only one he has really, so I should be there for him, especially now.

He has never been a great talker, but since being on these pills, he's really opening up, chatting to me laughing a lot more. He has a fantastic sense of humour, that's the main reason I married him, but he's always been quiet and withdrawn, but over 30 years I've learned to live with that and he will only ever open up when he wants to, I could never prize anything out of him, whereas now, on this medication, I find, if I approach it the right way, without dictating to him he's more than willing to talk, which is a good thing.

Thanks maxine. I only understand NOW though, and I so wish I'd seen the writing on the wall 3 years ago quite honestly I just thought, oh it's him being a miserable old g*t just like his father always was you know? I know look at it in a totally different way though. I'm sure this all stems from his childhood, they were always putting him down, he told the councillor that when he was a child he thought his name was Pratt, coz they were always telling him he was, which personally, I find outrageous that parents can say that to their children! My parents were always, always bigging me up, always so very proud of me, and that's probably why I'm like I am myself I suppose. I'm not the World's best person to have around if you're depressed quite honestly, coz I speak as I find, I was sort of "pull yourself together and get on with it" kind of thing, but when I saw him sitting there one Sunday afternoon, with the telly off, just staring at 4 walls, it rang alarm bells to me, so I made him come out with me on a long walk with the dog, hoping he might open up, but he never did and that was about 4 weeks ago. It was the very next day I shot down the doctors and asked for an appointment because I was actually worried he might not come home the next night if you know what I mean! Yes, it got that bad.

Thanks so much for this input, it's helping me to realise, he can get through this, there's lots of help out there, and I'll continue to try and be as supportive as I can.

I suppose it didn't help that I bought him a Paul McKenna book for Christmas about how to be self ascertive and then another book called "Glass half empty or half full" I honestly thought it might help, but then that's me, always doing the wrong thing!!!

Thanks again, very much appreciated, and btw Alex, I think I LOVE your mum, she sounds just like me!!!!

Yes me....I have had depression and anxiety off and on sonce having my son 13 years ago. I have been on loads of tablets and am currently on alow dose of citalopram. This will probably be a forever thing....

I have also completed CBT which really helped. CBT is all about linking how we think (cognitive) to how we behave.The emotional, psychological and behavioural all work very much as ba cycle and will trigger a never ending spiral of cause and efect. CBT identifies an individuals behaviours, worries and thoughts and teaches them how that by changing one thing within the cycle it can have a positive impact on behaviour, thought and emotion.

I hope you can understand that. It took several months of therapy for me with an NHS counsellor.It can be very draining but very enlightening and for the first time since my post-natal depression kicked all this off I felt more in control of things.

My advice to you would just be there and be supportive.Don't worry about putting your foot in it. I was given handouts at each session which were very useful for OH to read. I also learned what my triggers were and when to recognise things were heading down....I was able to let other people around me know what to look out for.

If you need to chat more then you know where I am.

Thanks for that Rachael, and of course, I'm very sorry to hear about yourself, it's just something I've never experienced, either myself or any of my friends, coz we're all quite the opposite. I'm actually wondering whether I haven't helped his case over the years, and I told him to mention to his councillor the fact that I'm the total opposite of him, very gobby, very matter of fact, and nothing phases me, because I now feel it could actually have been ME who might have slowly drilled him into the ground over the years?! Can you imagine, living with somebody who is always happy and living life to the full, enjoying every minute of it if you yourself are depressed??? I think it would get right up my nose!!! Having said that, however, I did notice on our little week-end break last week-end, that when he saw the excitement of my opening my pressies at the hotel, etc. etc. etc. it did bring a smile to his face, so maybe not? I dunno, like I said, it's way beyond my comprehension.

My parents were very hard when they brought me up, they taught me that whatever life threw at me, I had to pick myself up, dust myself off and get on with it. Even when heartbroken over losing a boyfriend once,my mother had no sympathy for me, she just told me not to be so stupid and got me making beds (I remember it well!!!) so you see, when I see somebody who can't cope, I can't quite grasp it.

He tried to talk to me about a month ago when in a bad state, but by that time, I had got so fed up with the long face, I just turned around and did what my mother used to do with me, told him there were lotsof people in this world who would give their right arm to have what he's got, a good thriving business that he's worked so hard to build up, a Porsche sitting on the drive, a lovely home all paid for, two lovely dogs, and of course moi, to which he turned around and said "oh that's typical you, thanks for the sympathy"!!! Since then, however, I've changed tactics, I realise how serious this is now, and I am working hard on it, and believe it or not, I can change even at my ripe old age, even if it means being a bit more thoughtful about his feelings, which I must confess I haven't really been over the years He's a very sensitive chap you see, whereas I've got thick skin, you can say what you like to me and yes, it will hurt, but not for long, whereas HE will dwell on it, and I've got a big gob, and things I must have said in the past........ Thanks Rach and good luck.xxxx

eeks! its why rick is scared....im starting to get like her!!!

Wow.... this sounds like a real eye opener for you both and I am not being patronising when I say well done for opening your mind to everything you have.
Depression can be about lots of things and it doesn't matter how much money you have in the bank nor how many worldly goods you have it can still hit you like a ton of bricks and there's not a thing you can do about it.
Thank goodness he is getting the treatment he needed now and thank goodness for you too. Best wishes. xx

Thanks Gill, I hope, in fact, I know I am a very thoughtful person coz my friends have always told me this, and very understand, I'm always there for a shoulder to cry on, so why haven't I been there for him over the years then I wonder? It's a different situation he's in totally I suppose, than those that my friends have been in, i.e. breast cancer, losing a relative etc. and although I as I said, I like to be understanding, I could never understand exactly WHY somebody who has almost everything, then I look around at the poor people living on the streets in boxes, it kind of ruffles my feathers, when I think somebody isn't satisfied with their lot if you understand what I'm trying to say here?

You are so right when you say it doesn't matter what you've got though, because he openly admits, nothing satisfies him, nothing excites him, everything is so pointless, even living (which is what worried me ). I am beginning to understand though, I think sometimes with all the stress and worry, your brain must get in a total meltdown situation, it can't cope, it can't think straight, and hopefully, these councillors know just how to detangle it maybe. Thanks, much appreciated.

I had cognitive nehavioural therapy - as part of a consultant psychiatrists training. So i was his pig, but the stuff we talked about and resolved was real. It was really good - and he was just training! Just about altering the way you think, so it changes the way you feel. Sounds so obvious, but really works, I'd recommend it.