This is why I hate men...

So most of you know my ex broke up with me about 2 months ago now.

A few weeks ago I met another guy and basically we have been out on a few dates but I am not ready for any heavy commitment just yet, and he knows this, so just taking things really slowly. We get on really well, have loads in common, he's a proper nice guy, takes me out and won't let me pay for anything, always rings every night, txt all time, he's basically crazy about me which worries me only because I don't want to break his heart but he knows all this and he's said he's not going anywhere....

So then my ex, who I still talk to as we both wanted to stay friends, finds out about said new guy and is EXTREMELY jealous. Remembering here HE broke up with ME. It was HIS choice, I had NO say whatsoever. He came round last week, crying his heart out, saying he'd made a big mistake breaking up with me, he can't live without me, he realises now he should never have broke up with me, he will love me forever, e.t.c, e.t.c...

So what, he didn't want me but soon as someone else does he doesn't like it?

So now i'm in a total mess, I still love my ex immensely, as the break up went it was one of them that sorta just hits you in the face, I never saw it coming really, it's not like it was heading that way (for me anyway), I was totally committed to being with him forever but then that's just me, when i'm in a relationship i'm in it, better or worse an' all tha'. And as lovely as the new guy is, he's not my ex, I like him a lot but I don't love him and I don't want to hurt him. He knows i'm all over the place, I have warned him it's probably going to take a while before i'm ready for any kind of proper relationship but he really wants to stick around, I feel dreadful, confused and my heart just aches all day and all night, I can't think straight about any of this, if I didn't have the animals and my son i'd have probably ran off to some desolate place for a while.

As if I even needed this on top of the break up crap and everything, it's now 100x worse, I just want a simple life.

Exes are usually exes for a reason. I probably missed a thread, but why did he call things a day with you? It's not unusual for people to regret breakups but ultimately if there was a genuine reason for it, as much as it hurts to move on, it may be for the better. If you did try again with your ex, are you sure he wouldn't do the same thing again a few months down the line?

Well exactly, I don't want to have to go through all this again, the break up stuff. Why he called it a day...he said he wasn't ready for a proper committed relationship, basically I think he scared himself.

Dont do anything just sit back and let things calm down things are all bit raw i think. This may just be the shock hes got when he realised what he had lost and that you would go on and rebuild your life. Perhaps he imagined you would just sit and pine for him forever! Dont get back with him unless you are totally sure of his motives ie not just the fact he feels jealous.

the new guy sounds really nice hun, I would stick with that and see how it pans out,
the one thing I so feel is, your tender at the moment and hiding behind the ole......I dont want to hurt him and break his heart, but deep down I think your protecting yourself, which is fine, more so as the new guy is willing to go at the pace you set xx

Being honest, i broke up with someone for good reasons and then found out he was seeing someone else, i got back with him because like you said i didn't really want him but i didn't want anyone else to either. Not the right reasons for being with someone. You need some time on your own without men altogether so you can decide what you are going to do. All i can say is, don't rush into going back with your ex - we are still together and have two boys but i'm not happy, i want to end the relationship but i am worried about my kids. Basically, don't rush into something you might regret. Hugs x

Thanks, that's exactly what i'm thinking, did he expect me to sit around and wait 'til he WAS ready so he could just pick me back up when he'd had his 'fun'?!?! And no, I don't expect he has changed in 2 months, he'd have to really prove himself for me to actually get back with him but that doesn't mean my heart isn't still totally torn over it all.

But everyone is nice in the beginning, I feel more comfortable with Dan I suppose (my ex) because I know him, I know his good points but I also know his bad, I know where he'd mess up and why, they new guy, I don't know him too well, it's the uncertainty vs familiarity and i'm not sure i'm ready to take chances like that just yet. And yeh, I am protecting myself and I will be for a canny while.

I know what you mean, but all said, finding out all the new stuff can be good fun, exciting? big hug hun

Thank you, I think the whole confusion for me, over the break up in the first place is, I was never totally sure why he chose to do that. There was no 'real reasons'. He said it was the commitment issue but then later on he said he'd just got scared because I expected to always be put first and that left him no time to 'live his life', so he wanted to go away and do that and then he realised no, he didn't, it's all very confusing as there is nothing solid or consistent, which is his life down to a T anyway. Truth is, he's immature relationship wise and he doesn't have a clue what he wants, only now he thinks he does, now he thinks he has seen the light. As you can probably tell, i'm rather sceptical about that.

But if there was a 'real' reason, if he'd cheated of treat me awfully or something solid, I wouldn't even consider taking him back, but it's the fact there wasn't. There is nothing for me to hold onto that I could never forgive/forget. Aside from how much he hurt me by breaking up with me for no solid reason....