Tourist guide to Scotland

novavizz

Dogsey Veteran

Location: Sheffield, UK

Joined: Feb 2006

Posts: 2,965

14-03-2006, 11:05 PM

Tourist guide to Scotland

This advice was sent to me by a good friend (a Scot) to help me on my regular visits north of the border.

Please find below a list of does and don'ts in our fair country. I hope they are of some help in allowing you to understand our social rules and etiquette.

It is considered bad manners for tourists to pay for drinks in Glasgow pubs. The biggest person at the bar (referred to as The Numpty) will be only too happy to pay. ie: BARMAN That will be twenty pounds please sir
TOURIST The big Numpty over there is paying
BARMAN That will do nicely sir
BIG NUMPTY Welcome to Scotland.

In Highland pubs always ask for plenty of water when drinking the local single malts, this tells the locals that you like it so much you want it to last longer. After your first sip announce to everyone in the bar in a loud voice "This is peesh!" from the Gaelic Piesh Na' lavvy meaning Water of God.

Thurso is Scotland's largest hypermarket and multiscreen complex and is only a short taxi drive from Glasgow.

The Scottish police force actively encourage tourists to take their hats as souveniers.

Braemar is famous for it's miles of sandy beaches and has some of the finest surfing in Europe.

Balmoral Castle sits on top of Ben Nevis near Sauchiehall Street in Edinburgh. There is a cable car from Edinburgh zoo to the top of Ben Nevis. Because of it's height it offers all year round skiing and there is a revolving restaurant on the roof of the castle.

There is a nocturnal thistle called a "Spiky Jessie" which is found on Calton Hill in Edinburgh. As these flowers only open at night a trip up the hill is recommended. Just tell the taxi driver that you want to go up Calton Hill to take pictures of the Jessies coming out and he will be glad to oblige.

The Latin inscription on the Edinburgh coat of arms reads "You'll have had your tea?"

The most popular hotel in Glasgow is called The Barlinnie.

Edinburgh zoo has an adopt an animal scheme and tourists may take home any animal they wish.

At many beauty spots you will find musicians playing the bagpipes. They are employed by the Scottish Government to provide tourists with spending money which can be found in bowls beside them. Feel free to take as much money as you want.

William Wallace escaped from the army of Oliver Cromwell by jumping over the River Forth at Perth on a motorbike.

If you go to a concert by the Royal Scottish National Orchestra it is considered impolite not to shout "Hoots" during quiet sections of the music.

Celtic are known as "The Gers" due to being formed by Gerry O'Malley, a fruit importer who was the first to introduce citrus fruit to Scotland. So if you walk into a pub filled with people wearing green and white say, "Up the Gers, I'm proud to be an orange man." and you will receive a warm welcome.

Police are known by the old Gaelic word "keech"

"Jobbie" is a word meaning a lot of effort has gone into producing something ie when you have enjoyed a meal tell the waiter it "tasted like a great jobbie".