Location: Orkney Islands, Scotland
Joined: May 2004
Goomsh is, quite simply, the most versatile substance on the planet. It crops up in more places than you might imagine, from gardening products to cosmetics. In particular, It is of enormous importance to the cosmetic industry, appearing as it does in much-advertised face products, under various names, such as pro-xylane, fibro-plastyl, and dog-sh*t. Its advantages are that it takes up space in plastic tubes without actually contributing anything, it’s cheap, and, as it’s totally inert, it’s harmless. Goomsh even turns up in food products, under its official name, “permitted additives”. Again, its benefit to food manufacturers is that it provides inexpensive bulk to replace the tastier ingredients that you thought you were buying. It may occasionally appear in building construction, where it fulfils much the same function as Polyfilla (see above, cosmetics). It was invented by the renowned American scientist Theodore K. Guttyboots, in 1969, who was trying to find a way of growing mushrooms at an accelerated rate, in the dark.