Please help me - divorce!

I have an appointment with my solicitor this afternoon, but I'm so scared I feel physically sick. I hardly slept at all last night for worrying.

As some of you might remember from my previous posts, my ex left me last year to move in with another woman. He left me holding a hefty mortgage and all our marital debts while he walked away with a clean slate.

A brief run-down:
We got married in June 2003. We had been living together for seven months, during which time we had both had periods of unemployment, but as of June, we were both working and renting a property together.
In August 2003, we decided we wanted to relocate to the North East (we had family there and cost of living was cheaper). Although we both tried to find work before the move, we kept being told to wait until we had a local address, so at the end of September 2003, we resigned from our jobs and moved. We wanted to take out a joint loan to tide us over, but my ex's credit score was too low, so it was taken out in my name with the understanding that we would both pay it back.

In January 2004, I found work and all our benefit (except for my ex's Job Seekers Allowance) was stopped as I was expected to support him.
In June 2004, my ex started working for the same company. In May 2005, we bought our house.

In October 2005, my ex quit his job. I got in a panic about how we could afford to live, as our income had halved. My mum took out a loan in her name and lent the money to us on the understanding that my ex and I would both pay her back, including any interest. My ex went onto incapacity benefit, although he told me on several occasions that he "just didn't want to work" and was a "professional bum". The truth was that he started working for free in a friend's shop (the friend couldn't afford to pay him) and my ex didn't want to give that up, as "it was a laugh" . After a year of trying to hold things together on my wage, the stress began to make me ill, but still my ex refused to have a job because it would interfere with the shop. For that year, we could only claim my ex's incapacity benefit and a small amount of working tax credits to help with the finances. My ex ate into my salary with drinking, drugs and tattoos, which often left us short for the bills.
In October 2006, he started a part time twilight job, so that he could work at the shop during the day, and worked 5 hours per evening. Because he was bringing in a reduced wage, it was still a real struggle to manage. We took out a £450 overdraft to help us make a mortgage payment.
In March 2007, my ex announced that he wanted a divorce, and two days later moved in with a girl from work. I have had no contact details for him since then, although he turns up from time to time when he wants something. He hasn't contributed to the mortgage or bills since this time. I stopped my salary going into the joint account and opened on in my sole name. However, my ex was still spending out of the joint account, and we have ended up with a £950 overdraft, which I have been paying off. In August, I began divorce proceedings based on his affair.

I hope you've stayed with me so far!

He tried to take me to court for our birds, and we managed to agree that he could have the parrot as long as he paid me £250 towards what I had paid for her (I actually bought and paid for her while he was out of work, before he started telling me that he didn't want another job ). I had the house valued at £90,000 (bearing in mind that this was more than a year ago, and it has probably dropped by now), which meant we had £14,000 equity. Because the total debts came to £10,000, we agreed that I would keep paying off the debts, and pay him £2,000 for his share in the house.
Last month, he came and collected the parrot and we agreed that I would take another £250 off that £2,000.

I have now had a letter from his solicitors demanding to know my household income and details of "any and all marital debts". What I am scared of is that they will turn around and say that the only thing my ex owes is half the overdraft, as the £7,800 is in my mother's name, and the first loan we took out together is in my name, and therefore I have to come up with more than £6,000 to buy him out of the mortgage. I can see the parrot also being glossed over. If I had the money, I would gladly give it to him to get him out of my life, but right now I'm still living on an extremely tight income. I've just started a debt management plan with the CCCS to try to pay off some of the debts, and I'm so worried that all the money that I've paid out, both while supporting him and after he left, won't be taken into consideration; neither will the stress that he has caused me.
At the moment, I'm still tied into a £4,000 early repayment charge, so I can't remortgage or sell the house until 2011.

I'm sorry it's so long, but I'm so worried about the whole situation. It all seems so complicated and I'm so scared that after my ex caused me years of stress and depression (which I am still on medication for) and then walked out on me, he's going to screw me over again and leave me with more debts.

oh Hun, sorry, I've got no knowledge or advice to pass on, just wanted to give you a hug and I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that your solicitor can sort it all out for you.

Oh hun, what a complete *******!

Well you are doing the right thing by going to see a solicitor.
Make you you have everything written down in as much detail as possible, saves time (and then money).

You'd made some mistakes, getting your Mum to take out the loan etc. Did you guys sign anything to that effect?

In my experience if you owe money jointly to anyone, and the other party isn't paying they will just come after you all the more.
My OH was married before I met him, and he and his ex had a loan together, which they agreed to pay half the paymnets off each month.
He then found out he was paying but she hadn't paid a thing.
He didn't know where she lived or worked as they were divorced and he kept trying to explain that to the loan compay who wondered where her payment was.

In the end my Mum helped and we did an early settlement sum, which was for under half the original amount.
Still grates though that she never paid a penny.

Anyway, you have done the right thing going to CCCS. Have you been here?.....http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/

Their forums are good for advice and support too, nearly as good as here! They may also be able to advise you as to what he is liable to pay etc.

It's a shame he isn't still working on the quiet as you could dob him in!

Big big hugs, we are all here for you hun.

Thanks, guys
I've put together a list of what the loans/overdrafts were for, when they were incurred and what the current balance is. I've also noted the dates that I supported him and that I have paid for these debts (and the mortgage) for more than a year now by myself.
The worst thing is that my ex was quite agreeable about everything, and seemed more than happy to get £2,000 but now his solicitors are getting in on the act, he will probably end up convinced that I owe him.
I've just got off the phone with my mum, and she has written me a letter stating that she lent us the money on the understanding that my ex and I would both be liable for paying her back. Hopefully it'll help.

The other thing that bothers me is that they want my "household" income, so I assume that means my boyfriend's income details as well? He only gets Job Seekers Allowance at the moment but has his own debts to pay off (and I have debts that are my own as well, such as for my car) so what I don't want is them thinking I can afford to give my ex money, and I don't see what my boyfriend's income has to do with the divorce, just as I don't care what my ex's girlfriend is earning.

Have just seen this I hope your ok and all is being resolved in a fair way x

My heart goes out to you hun,good luck with it all and I hope you can put an end to it all soon,xxxxxx