Budgeting with separate bank accounts?

My boyfriend had an interview last week that went really well. He came out beaming, especially after someone on the interview panel had a "quiet word in his ear" afterwards and said "between you and me, you're the strongest candidate and I'm fairly sure that if you want this post, it's yours." We thought that it would be the end of our financial crisis and he spent all week talking about what we could do once we have paid off our loans and debts.
We got the call on Wednesday to say that he hadn't been successful No feedback or anything, just that there was a "someone more suitable". Understandably, he's devastated. We both are. Being at home all day and the constant knock backs are making him depressed and his unhappiness sets off my own depression. I feel so guilty because he gave up a good IT job (he's an IT engineer) and a life in Essex to be with me, but all the companies he applied to before moving weren't interested and said to contact them again when he had a local address. He's tried nearly every local agency, applied at the local supermarkets (he even tried to get a part-time job cleaning a pub). I can see a time in the not too distant future that we'll both be on medication But I'm completely waffling now - this isn't meant to be a thread about the trouble finding work!

So, in the wake of this latest rejection, I called back the CCCS who have been giving me debt advice to say that I thought it was time we set up a Debt Management Plan. We've been hoping for the best, but I think now we have to accept that this is the way things are. If my boyfriend manages to get a job, then excellent, but I can't spend the rest of my life living in limbo indefinitely and saying "well, when you have a job, things will be better". I have to make things better NOW or I'll realise in three or four years that they're only getting worse, what with interest charges and everything.
We went through the mortgage, fuel bills, water, TV license, phone and internet, etc, etc. The only thing I had to estimate was the grocery shopping and petrol costs, as these are both steadily rising and I was worried about getting caught short in the months to come. Whatever money is "left over" after all the essential bills is what we need to put towards the loans and credit.

We worked out that D and I should have around £200 a month lying around and they have sent us the paperwork accordingly. I don't know where we're going to get this money from, I really don't. I know some months we have unexpected bills - our washing machine packed in last year, then my car needed some work to get through it's MOT, then Sam's operation after the neighbour's dog had a go at amputating his toe, but those are one-offs. I couldn't explain where this money is being haemorrhaged to every month, but I have to find it. I've checked my bank account and can account for maybe £50 of it on miscallaneous bits and pieces (I needed a new pair of work trousers and some work shoes this month and last month we had a birthday to go to), which leaves £150 unexplained.

The thing is that I don't keep "tabs" on D's spending. His only income is Job Seeker's Allowance, which is about £60 per week and is paid fortnightly. Usually, he does the grocery shopping and I pay everything else. However, I've noticed that there have been several times where I've paid for groceries because it has been between D's payments. So I suspect that the extra spending is being done in the supermarket - D is spending our usual monthly budget, but I am also doing a bit of shopping when we run out of things. I've suggested various things, such as taking out cash as soon as the money comes in and keeping it in the safe, and only spending the cash on groceries. This means in theory, there should be enough cash to last the month, and it means we only spend what we budget. Plus cash seems more "real" than putting it on a debit card. But it never happens, and we end up with it going on the card anyway.

Please can I have some budgeting tips and ideas? I have two accounts - one for the bills and one "for me" (although the "for me" account is usually empty ) and D has one account. We always agreed that we would keep our money separate, although we do share, but I feel a bit out of control as I don't see where D's money is going and I don't feel comfortable asking him to justify every penny to me - he's an adult and this is meant to be a partnership, not "Sez being bossy". However, his share of the debt is a lot bigger than mine, so not only am I currently keeping a roof over his head, I'm going to be paying towards his debts as well. I don't really mind and I feel a bit terrible thinking like that, because he really does so much for me and I love him to bits, but would it seem reasonable to ask him to transfer me £100 per month from his Job Seeker's towards this £200 and I will find a way to do any extra shopping that his remaining money won't cover?

ok here goes. Your post has got a few issues in there and will address all separately.

1. Jobs. In this day and age, if your fella is educated and a 'professional', he should not be on benefits. Get him a good CV (can be done for free through benefits agency) and then get him recruited into temp agencies. NOT just IT specific agencies, but any old agency. You can earn a decent living just by being able to type - I've done it for a number of years before graduating uni.

2. Calculating monthly spend. BE brutally honest with yourselves and set up a spreadsheet plan of your monthly spend. Dont guestimate by what you think you spend, but actually record what you have spent. If this means that you need to record what you're doing, get receipts for everything and tally them up. Once you've got an idea of how much you spend, you need to work out how much you bring in. Examine your wage slips etc.

Banks work to the premise that if you have your Money coming in minus money going out equals 'disposable income'. They try and ensure that you have no less than 30% disposable income. This is to allow you to repay debts, fix the car etc.

Do the same. If you find that your £200 monthly arrangement sounds (and tbh, probably is, coz I dont know if I could find £200 just like that) iffy, then you need to tell them and come to an alternative arrangement. If you're going down the debt consolidation route, then it usually means things are bleak. If you default (miss payments) on an arrangement, then you're in for disaster. Therefore the rule of thumb is ONLY SIGN UP TO WHAT YOU KNOW YOU CAN AFFORD. I dont know how to emphasise this point enough, so dont think im taking the piss. They will screw you down, crucify you, chop you up and throw you to the seaguls.

Finally, bank accounts. Make sure all money gets paid into one account, that is joint. Both of you can see immediately how much is available at any point in time. Get into a habit of withdrawing cash from an ATM, rather than paying by switch. That way you get to see how much you've got, how much you're taking out, and a visual reminder each time you open your purse/wallet, how much is left.

Cut down on non-essential impulse buying. Is the latest magazine or newspaper really necessary? What about those frozen meals - is it cheaper to learn to cook and attempt making it yourself? Get a 'pennies bucket'. Daily, go through your change and throw your 1p, 2p, and 5p's into a bucket. Collect up and bag each month and deposit into a savings account.

Keep your own individual accounts for just that. If you find that at the end of each month, you've paid your bills, done all your repayements etc and have got some spare cash, split it 50/50 and deposit into your individual accounts. Think of this as your own money. Use it for stuff like hair cuts, or fixing the car etc. If the problem is a joint one (i.e. broken washer) use both accounts etc.

Also, avoid where possible the use of overdrafts and credit cards. If you're in financial trouble, they're a noose waiting to get you.

Be savvy with your accounts. Regularly keep tabs on latest deals with banks. If someone offers a better interest rate for savings, find out the deal...work out if its beneficial to close and swop accounts or to stick with the status quo. If you have credit cards, see if you can get a 0% apr deal on balance transfers. Do any and everything you can to be intelligent with your money.

Hope this helps.

thanks for the advice - please can you come and audit our finances for us.....(only joking)

sue

Ok, just caught this, but if you are on a DMP with CCCS a lot of the above will not apply.

1. Firstly, you cannot have a 'normal' bank account whilst on a DMP. You must open a basic account, one with no overdaft facility or debit cards, usually no cheque book either, as all are classed as borrowing money.
You can get basic bank accounts from most places, the co-op and the Natwest are good ones, but make sure the account is not with anyone you may owe money to.
All credit cards will also have to go.

2. Do not consolidate, it is a well known trap to further debt.

3. If you've been to CCCS then you'll have been through their spend calculator, but doing your own SOA (Statement of affairs) can also help to see things in black and white.
http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

4. To help you see where all the money really goes do one of these. You have to be brutally honest and log everything but it really can see wher you can cut down.
http://www.spendingdiary.com/main.php

That lots a start.

Actually, yes I could!