Appalling dog owner

That would be me then
I have been wondering which sane part of my brain thought dogs were going to be a good idea. I never thought of myself as a "fantasist" when it came to animals; I have always believed in doing my homework, and being as prepared as possible, and on the grounds of the research before plunging in, I have actually decided that certain animals were not for me. But having had dogs before (it was only when I got married and my husband turned out to be very anti-dog that I had my first real break from dogs) I thought I at least had a heads-up on what I could expect.

We've had persistent problems with Amber's housetraining now virtually since we brought her home - the first week, she was very good, and we have periods of three days or so when we think things are better, then wake up to a lake in the kitchen. We let both dogs out regularly, but we have to keep a permanent eye on Amber (who is now almost twenty weeks old). Even in the middle of dinner, if she leaves the room, my OH has to leave his meal to follow her. Usually, she is squatting for a pee right in front of the dogflap (which we have decided to leave open for Sam's benefit - he has gotten much better about using the flap rather than crossing his legs). She KNOWS how to use the flap, and if we are in the kitchen at the time and she decides she needs to go between toilet breaks, she uses it and then comes in to tell us how good she has been. So WHY does she persist in using the floor when she thinks we can't see her?

I am also feeling more than a little dispirited because we went away to Hull with my dad and step-mum over night on Saturday for a pre-Xmas party. A friend agreed to go to the house and look after our animals, let the dogs out regularly, etc.
While we were away, I was surprised at how often I overheard my parents telling people about the dogs and how they are "beautiful and loving but have no manners whatsoever". What I think they mean is that they come into the house, the dogs get excited by someone being at the door (personally, I ignore them until I am in the house and ready to greet them, and haven't had a problem) or that they wrestle on the sofa, even if a person is sitting there.
I ended up on the receiving end of much free advice from other dog people, which I'm sure was well-meant but so condescending . I desperately want to take the dogs to classes to socialise them both and get some guidance on training, as nothing of what I recall from the training of my JRT puppy, or what I have researched online and in books is working, especially with Amber. We cannot get Amber or Sam to "lie down", or do any of the so-called "basic" commands, although they both have brilliant recall and can "sit" and know what we mean when they are told to get off furniture, and Sam does a Hi-Five trick for food. We've even tried tips from the "Dog Whisperer" TV series, but the dogs just look at us like we've lost it.
Because money has become tight again since the girl who part-loaned my horse decided to stop, we just can't afford the cost of classes.

I was, however, informed several times over the weekend that none of these people have EVER taken a dog to classes, but has successfully trained them, and was even told that I am "just making excuses to have badly behaved dogs" . I was told that "this is the most important time to be training a puppy", which I do realise, and I don't see what's so wrong about wanting some help and advice from someone experienced? I felt like telling some of these people that they were more than welcome to take my "naughty" dogs off my hands for a month and return them perfectly trained, if they thought they could do it better. It's not that I don't appreciate the advice of people who have experience, but I dislike the tone in which they spoke to me - as though I was an idiot child who had never owned a dog before and thought puppies were simply cute and cuddly with no concept of them growing up into dogs.
I may have taken some of it a little harder than necessary, but my health has been quite bad recently, and I'm having problems with my thumb joint which has rendered my left hand almost useless, so I imagine I was feeling a bit more sensitive than normal.

On Sunday afternoon, we picked up our car from my dad's house (we travelled to Hull with them), and stopped at my friend's on the way home to collect our spare key and check everything had been okay. I was assured that the dogs had been fine - no toilet accidents, so they had either crossed their legs or used the flap until she went to let them out, no disaster, all the animals were okay. We breathed a sigh of relief, as every time we have gone away, there has always been some disaster (last time my rabbits escaped and turned my living room upside down).

We got home, and found we couldn't even open the front door. At some time between my friend doing a final stop in to let the dogs out for the toilet late morning, and us getting home mid afternoon (bearing in mind that the dogs are usually fine to leave for up to five hours, although Amber often leaves us a small puddle), "perfectly fine" had turned into "perfect nightmare".
The dogs had found a large cardboard box I had put aside for recycling and decided to recycle it themselves. The torn ruin of the box was wedging the front door shut. When we finally got in, we were shocked to find BOTH dogs had left piles all over the living room (it's been a marvel that Sam has started using the garden for toileting, so the idea that he has gone IN the house had me gobsmacked), and there was a large lake of wee on my diningroom carpet. They had also found and shredded open a package I had put away "somewhere safe" on Saturday morning, which contained my final purchased Christmas present. The present itself (a vintage band t-shirt in perfect condition) is covered in dog hair and looks like something dragged from the bottom of an ancient pile of dirty laundry, not something you'd give as a gift.

Needless to say, after a long and tiring weekend, when I had been looking forward to a quiet evening, a cuddle with my dogs, some painkillers and an early night, it was the last straw and I was shocked at how upset I was. Not at the dogs, but at myself. Afterall, there are no bad dogs, only bad dog owners.

I just don't know what to do. Part of me thinks it would be better for the dogs to find them a knowledgeable home where they can receive the training they need, my OH and I are clearly not up to the task. Part of me thinks I'm just taking things hard because I'm under a lot of stress and not feeling well, and that once things pick up and especially we can spare the extra money for training classes, things will improve. I love the dogs desperately, and know if I let them go, I will regret it (my mum is going to have a fight on her hands to get Sam back in six months!) but I am worried that I am making the dogs suffer for my own shortcomings. I was always very proud that Amber's recall is so good, and her response to "sit" is instant, even over a short distance, so it didn't really matter to me that she hasn't yet got the hang of staying, or lying down, or giving her paw. So long as the dogs were happy and healthy, that was all that mattered.
Sorry that it's long

ooh, you poor thing, that's definitely a lot to cope with at once.

If you want specific suggestions about individual points, do let us know but for the moment I think you've maybe had enough of that and just need a big hug --((((((HUGS)))))).

Most people reach points in their lives when they think everything is going wrong, you just need to stick in there and it will get better.

You have a whole fresh new year to look forward to, so chin up and don't let them get you down.

Oh chick...... *hug*
People who talk in a condescending manner to me find out just exactly how scathing my responses can be.

Please don't make any "hasty" decisions. Things will look a hundred times better in a few days.....

x0x

Oh poor you, young puppies can be nightmare if fact Libby Bells almost two and still wees with excitement when she heres us getting up in a morning. The only advise I can give you is buy a crate and use it when your out, that way at least the damage will be minimal and it also helped me housetrain (expect for libby )

Oh bless, i did feel for you when i was reading your post. I definately have had days when you come home and jess (14month old) has chewed everything in sight, so i know how that can feel.

I think you have had a lot of other things to think about as well and just maybe in a few days or so it wont all seem so bad. Sometimes things just get on top of us.

Hope things improve soon, sometimes with the weeing etc dogs can just seem to "get it". I know jess did, it took 6 months and then all of a sudden she understood.

Sending you massive {{{{HUGS}}}} because I know how frustrating it can be to thing you are failing.

You are not failing, there is just confusion in communication between you and your dogs.

I won't start giving advice, as has already been said, if you want specific advice on certain things, you know you can always ask and gets tonnes of advice from peeps here.

Just as a small note....I've never been to training classes with any of mine, I've done it all myself, and they are trained in a few disciplines, namely showring, working in harness, backpacking and a bit of agility and are good at it all, HOWEVER, my Bitch has never, EVER sat for me (which is a basic command), as I started her off in ringcraft training first (needs to stand) and she has never got out of this, so basic commands aren't always the be all and end all, I just ask for behaviours I WANT, not behaviours that everyone else THINKS they should have

I've been taking Max to training since he was 13 weeks old and Murphy to training since he was about the same....





So, I'm an appalling dog owner too.....

I usually totally ignore most advice I'm given by people at parties etc. as they often are a) terribly condescending and b) giving rubbish advice. I know these people meant well, but I'm sure none of their dogs were perfect!

Max behaves like an angel for other people, but pulls like a steam train, won't walk to heel etc for me.

Murphy (who is 6 months old) likes to take himself off behind the dining table, chew the curtain tie-back and have a wee - even though the back door is open and Max is outside!

Give your dogs big snuggles, have a glass or 2 of wine and some chocolate. If you're stressed, everything looks worse!

You are just having a bad time at the moment, it will get better. I echo what everyone else has said if you want help or advice,just ask

We all have times when it feels like you are hitting your head against a brickwall. I hope things improve soon.

Thanks for your replies. I knew I could count on you lot to make me feel better! IsoChick, I LOVE that first picture of your dogs! Their glowing eyes and expressions of innocent wonderment are incredible ("oooh, who on earth made all this mess then?!" ).

I came home to find that my OH has spent most of this afternoon watching "The Dog Whisperer" re-runs and testing things out. I have been informed of several "new rules" that he wants to test out for a while, and said both dogs were very well behaved on their walk in the woods earlier. I now have two VERY good dogs to cuddle up with - they were both too exhausted to even come and say "hello" when I got home!

Well that's one way to get them to behave I suppose lol! I agree with others you teach your dog the behaviours you want not what other people expect!
Just enjoy them and forgive them their little errors!
Becky