Some funnies.

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to Arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.



> > Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.



> > So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest".



> > You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the Night before and shoot the fox.



> > The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".



> > So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".



> > I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".



> > So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".



> > So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".



> > But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.



> > So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.



> > So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a Red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I > asked For a-ROMATIC duck".



> > But I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a Competition and I won a years supply of Marmite......... one jar.



> > So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?". I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".



> > My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.



> > So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".



> > So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.



> > He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".



> > Now did you know all male tennis players are witches, for example Goran, even he's a witch.



> > And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.



> > So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said "Are you two an item?".



> > So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".



> > Four fonts walk into a bar The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want Your type in here"



> > A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"



> > A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"



> > A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food In here"



> > Dyslexic man walks into a bra

Brilliant really enjoyed them Thank You for sharing

There grt

thanks they made me smile. favourite was the one about inflatable clogs