A day of mixed emotions yesterday with Mum.

Started off being frustrated, she has been having trouble getting some excess cash in her ISA not my brothers, and it is now in her current account again. I have had 3 frantic phone calls from her over the last two weeks regarding this and thought yesterday she was going to ring the bank when I got there and authorize them to speak to me so I could sort it out.

No she had forgotten, but she had remembered she needed me to sort out paying her House insurance she can no longer pay by cheque so I did the payment over the phone all automated she would never of coped and she now doesn't want the bank sorted, but I did sort out the third party mandate so I will be authorized in future to help her with her problems if they arise again. My eldest brother is also named on the account but if she rang him for help he would plead ignorance.

We then had the Hospital appointment which we told was over running by 1/2 an hour at 10 to 3 and her appointment was for 3pm not to bad I thought. Then we are told it is over running by an hour at 3.30pm, I went off on one. By this time Mum was looking very ill and I could see her face physically changing in front of me because of the pain I got her out of the wheel chair into an ordinary chair so she could rest her feet and stretch her legs a little by resting them on the foot plates of the wheelchair.

The Nurse kept saying everyone was in the same boat I then threw in I had to be back on Harlow by 5pm still no joy. So I kept moaning about Mum and the pain she was in and they couldn't expect her to sit there for another hour, eventually with their consent they moved her forward in front of the two patients before her. Who I thanked on the way out they could see the suffering she was enduring and we would of done the same for someone if the boot had been on the other foot.

By this time even the Nurse who had to help get her in and out of the chair for her weight check could see I was being serious about she could cope no longer I then have to get her back in and out of the car and it causes her so much pain and aggravation. When I wheeled her in even her consultant was shocked at how ill she looked. The nurse by now was very helpful and understanding and I also thanked her for putting herself out eventually.

He has upped the prednisilone for her saying it is the sarcoidosis that is causing the pain and that should help.

I must admit yesterday had me in tears on the way home and when I spoke to Gill in the evening and Gorden this morning. My phrase was she is dying from the feet upwards. I am also getting worried about her memory she has fantastic long term memory but her short term memory is rubbish she was confused about my birthday in a couple of weeks time and hadn't done my card as she normally would. I will be seeing her the next day Gill and I are taking her out for a short while as a treat so told her not to worry I can wait a day. Her words were I really must start taking an interest.

I apologized to Mum when we left the hospital for my outburst as I know it embarrasses her but I couldn't sit back and watch her suffer any more. For goodness she is 90 in May.

She will probably be better today she is at home and will be able to shuffle about if she gets uncomfortable or lie on the sofa or go to bed. It has really brought it home to me that she she is not as tuff as we all thought not now anyway.

She is still cooking her own dinner and doing light housework maybe this helps keep the pain at bay or take her mind off it, but I now know the thing keeping her alive is her brain.

Oh Lynn, what a nightmare...you must have the patience of a saint, not only with your dear old mum but with the hospital staff too, I realise there isn't much they can do when everything is running late, but surely they can see with their own eyes when a patient is so uncomfortable and do something about it, you could possibly have waited your turn had they made your mum comfortable at least, thank goodness those other patients were considerate enough to let your mum through before them.

It sounds like its only you and Gill that are prepared to put yourselves out again, and you both have so much on your plates already. As much as I hate to say it, it does sound like your mum has gone downhill, and quite rapidly too, I know she has always valued her independence but it may be that you will have to think about placing her somewhere where the professionals can sort everything out for her, thus leaving you more time to spend on the nice things that you can do together.

I do think you are going to end up making yourself ill if you have to contend with more and more days like that one.

Huge (((hugs))) from Leon and I xxx

Thank you Sheree.

I thought for a minute the Consultant was going to keep her in. Upstairs is the rehab unit that she was in when she had that last big fall.

I have spoken to her many times about going somewhere where she can rest more she will not leave that house and although her memory is getting worse it is not bad enough to say she needs to go into a home for her safety not at the moment anyway.

I am between a rock and a hard place yet again with her.

I will not be making myself ill again though not this time round.

She has another appointment with the same Consultant in June so hopefully they will of flagged up on the computer she cannot wait for long and she will get seen quickly without the fuss this time.

If he sees her looking as ill again as she looked yesterday they may keep her in then it is out of my hands.

It would be so hard trying to help your mum, and appointments can be so trying especially when they don't take into consideration patients problems an ability to wait for a prolonged period of time, I am glad they finally saw fit to bump your mum up the list, your mum may have been embarrassed as they do tend to come for the "not need to make a fuss" era, but what I see is someone who is looking after their mothers well being and other qualified people ie the nurse was not looking and assessing your mother deteriorating in coping by waiting and pain levels increasing, so therefore you did what you needed to do.
Your mum is doing fantastic for her age and it is never nice to see your parents aging and having increased health probems that we can't fix.
The emotions it brings up is so hard. All you can do is your best (which is what you are doing) and use your supports (OH, family and friends) to help you through the hard times.

Aw Lynn. You did the right thing by complaining (even if it did embarress your mum!), they seriously should not expect people to wait that long...let alone older people who are obviously in pain.
I dont know what else to say except well done for being there for her and hugs x